


In This Little Hellhole Of Ours

by Enina



Category: The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Conspiracy, Drama, Earth-2, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PTSD, Romance, mention of human experimentations, the Rogues have powers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-05-02 06:59:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 79,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5238812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enina/pseuds/Enina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Len and the other Rogues find themselves abducted by a secret government agency. He is certain that things could probably not get any worse, or so he thinks. Then he learns that the Flash, Barry Allen, is his cellmate.</p><p>What follows is over a year of pain and humiliation as they are abused as human guinea pigs before they are finally able to flee.</p><p>They quickly realize that some things have changed drastically during their time in captivity, and that the world outside their former prison has become an even more dangerous place for them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AN:
> 
> This is a re-upload of the same story which I accidently deleted tonight... and I'm still not sure whether I'm furious or bemused about this moment of abstraction.
> 
> I want to sincerely apologize to anybody who has subscribed before or was nice enough to leave me feedback. I'm truly sorry that all of it is gone now. I really treasured all of your kind words and kudos, and I will be paranoid from now on when it comes to uploading new chapters.

* * *

“I think it’s funny.”

Len frowns and wonders whether he would get punished for strangling his cellmate on base of being a complete and utter little shit who couldn’t shut up even at _two_ in the _fucking morning_.

“You’re awake, Cold,” the little annoyance goes on, babbling happy like the curse of his existence he is. “I can tell, so stop pret-”

“Shut up.” He hisses at the man on the other side of the room. “It’s too fucking late, Allen, just shut up.”

There is a moment of silence, the air between them tense and cold, and for a brief moment he dares to hope-

“Well, what I mean is-”

 _Urgh_! Damn this brat and damn his fucking bad luck! Of all the fucking cellmates he could have gotten it had to be someone with _verbal diarrhea_.

And who the fuck would have thought that Allen is such a damn chatterbox, anyway?

During their fights he certainly never was.

God, he misses those days…

“-listening to me?” Allen asks, having the gall to actually sounding slightly annoyed due to his obvious lack of attention.

“No,” Len grunts and shoots the other man a glare over his shoulder. “And shut up. I don’t care about whatever you’re going on again. I’m going to sleep, and you will zip it!”

Again, a brief silence, but he has lived through too many times to really kid himself into believing that this damn brat would actually listen.

“I can regrow my hand,” Allen says, like Len hasn’t spoken at all, sounding oddly giddy like a small child who’s realized how they could open the cookie jar. “Like a gecko regrows a tail.”

Len clenches his teeth and starts to take a couple of calming breaths.

He really doesn’t want to hear any of this.

Not a single word about this fucked up business they are doing to the other man. To all of them, really, but especially to Allen.

“The stuck it in hydrofluoric acid,” the other man goes on, sounding like he’s talking about the freaking _weather_. “And they measured how long it would take for it to dissolve and then for me to regrow it. They say my healing ability is getting stronger. Pretty cool, huh?”

Len stays quiet, presses his lips firmly together and tries to control his anger. He knows how easily he could let the temperature drop in this room and that it would hurt the other man, which is the exact reason why the put Allen with him. The blonde couldn’t get killed by his powers, but they still could very much hurt him, and for some damn reason they thought that he would care.

Which, unfortunately, he does. Because _he_ is a fucking idiot.

“Dr. Danielle said they would try it with my whole lower arm in a couple of days.”

He sounds so fucking normal, so undisturbed by any of this.

It freaks Len out.

“And she got me ice-cream afterwards.”

Len squeezes his eyes shut and fights the urge to scream, to hit something, break something, _freeze_ something – preferable the people, those sick bastards, who are doing this to them. He wants to turn them into statues of ice and smash them to bits or let Mick melt them.

God, he’s heard the other man today during his _treatment_.

He sounded like an _animal_ , out of control and in pain.

… and _desperate_.

Like every sad soul in here who isn’t wearing a white coat.

It’s been over seven months since he’s spoken to any of the others and as far as he knows most of them could be dead already, dissected into little pieces by those who run this secret facility. He tries not to let his thoughts wander off too far in this direction, especially because he easily lost grip of his powers whenever his mind came up with possibilities of what happened to Lisa…

The only other person he can talk to other than those white coat and scrubs wearing bastards is the broken man he is currently closed up with.

“Lenny?”

Len is startled by Allen’s voice. No, not by his voice, by how damn _close_ he suddenly is.

Allen had just been babbling on the other site of the room, he had heard him go on about his fucking favourite desserts from over there just a second ago!

Now, as he looks over to him, he can see that Allen stands next to his bunk, so close that his knees must be touching it.

He is getting stronger, Len has started to notice this a while ago – how the low temperatures seem to influence and hinder his powers less and less these days. The doctors and scientists here have picked up on it too, probably the reason why they started to increase their experiments on him.

They knew that they wouldn’t be able keep him around much longer.

In probably just a couple of months, maybe just weeks, they had to take care of him so that he wouldn’t get out by accident, despite those drugs they pumped him and the rest of them full with.

Barry Allen, formerly known as the Flash, would be put down like a _fucking dog_ , Len had no doubt about this.

It sickens him to the core.

“Lenny?” The other man’s voice is faint and unsure and when he focuses his gaze back on him after shaking off to many thoughts of the horrors their future had in store for them, Len notices how wide his eyes are and how scared he looks.

It seems to be one of _those_ nights, then.

Without a word, he scouts over and lifts the thin blanket – a joke, really, because nothing could keep him warm these days, he has felt nothing but cold for months now. Allen relaxes a bit at that and gives him a grateful look before he lays down next to him.

This is so messed up…

Allen keeps a bit of a distance between them, which is fine with him.

“Thanks, Cold.” The blonde has rolled onto his said, so that he is facing him.

Len grunts in lieu of an answer and stares at the ceiling above him. Out of the corner of his eyes he can see how the other man’s warm breathe turns white as soon as it touches the chilling air of the room and he can’t help but try to adjust the temperatures at least a bit. Turn them somewhat higher, just a couple of degrees, so that it would be no longer freezing in here.

Like usual, he fails.

Whether it is due to an actual inability to control these powers properly or because of the drugs, Len can’t say, but the knowledge alone is just daunting.

Should he ever get out of here – and by now the _when_ has pretty much turned into an _if/maybe/probably not_ – he would likely kill people just by being close to them.

Fuck…

“Iris got married.”

Len blinks and frowns before he glances over to his cellmate. The man has a warm smile on his lips but his eyes are far off.

“She’s met a nice guy and they’re really happy. Dr. Danielle showed me pictures of them. Iris looked so beautiful in her white dress. Joe was there too and her mom,” he goes on, that odd and slightly unsettling serene expression still on his face. “Cisco and Caitlin too, they looked happy. All of them did.”

Iris, the Flash’s fucking childhood sweetheart got married.

What the fuck!? Why the hell would those twisted sickos tell him _that_!?

Allen hisses in pain next to him and Len quickly forces himself to get a grip of his temper again as he doesn't want to hurt the man next to him anymore than he has already been.

There’s fear and wariness in his eyes when Len meets them and he knows that it’s asinine because the last thing he should do is start to care about anybody else in here, especially Allen, but what’s done is done and Len has never been good at being a loner.

He gives the other man a faint apologetic smile. “’s fine, didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Allen looks doubtful but relaxes somewhat again.

The blonde probably wouldn’t even understand what had caused Len to get so furious for a moment.

Maybe a reason why Allen snapped like this, retreated into his own little world, is because he made his peace with their situation a long time ago while Len just couldn’t.

Whoever those people are who have them – and he was pretty sure this mess has _government_ written all over it in capital letters – they made it very clear from the beginning that _this_ was their life from then on. To the world outside, all of them are dead, nobody other than the people who run this place or work here even know that it exists, thus the chance to get help is next to nonexistent for anybody unlucky enough to have been brought here.

“I wanted to be there for her.” Allen’s quiet voice causes Len to focus back on him and he notices how the other man is watching him now, once again with sad and tired eyes. “Even if she wouldn’t choose me, I wanted to be there for her… but I won’t.” The blond swallows and for a horrifying moment Len is certain that he would start to cry again, something he just hates, hates, _hates_ when it happened.

Thankfully, Allen doesn’t but instead chuckles wetly.

“I loved her so much, she was the light of my life…”

Len stays quiet, aware that he doesn’t have the words nor a real possibility to offer the other man any comfort. It unsettles him slightly when he realizes that Allen speaks of his feeling for that woman in the past but he can’t bring himself to touch upon it as Iris West has never been a topic he likes to bring up around the blonde since they've gotten here.

Barry closes his eyes and takes a couple of deep breaths, obviously to calm the tumult of emotions he must experience right now.

When he focuses Len again, his eyes are still shiny with unshed tears but most of the sadness is gone and replaces by a tired resignation.

“Will you tell her this when you get out of here?”

Len nearly barks a laugh and calls him a fucking dumbass but forces the urge down because the other man is looking at him with this wide pleading eyes.

… a dying man, asking for his last wish.

“Sure,” he agrees and the word tastes like bitter ash on his tongue because he knows that he would never get out of here and that, in a way, Allen is lucky because he wouldn’t have to deal with this shit much longer while he's stuck here.

“Thank you,” the blonde says and it is audible how heartfelt it is.

It causes Len to feel sick all over again.

Then, Allen touches him in this hesitant and wary way of his, just his fingers brushing against his lower arm, and there is the question in his eyes, the one that has gotten so familiar by now, the one that is a plea for closeness and comfort in the only way Len really knows how to give.

There are cameras in their cell, there are cameras everywhere, in this place exists no more privacy for them, something that bothered him at furst but, after a while, Len got used to this like to most the dehumanising aspects of this life here, so that he doesn’t even bother contemplating about who could watch them right now as he pulls the other man closer and kisses him.

He feels warm, he _tastes_ warm, and it is so damn _good_. This is what Len needs and he knows that this is also what Allen needs, some comfort in this hellhole, even if it is just a quick fuck.

Allen is as noisy as always when he starts to kiss and bite down his throat and he tries to lift his body temperature to make it for him a bit more comfortable but he is as unsuccessful at it as always. The other man doesn’t seem very bothered by how cold his touch is, though, but instead encourages him with moans and soft pleas and Len wants to give him everything, make him feel better just as much as he wants to make himself feel better.

After today, after hearing Mick scream and holler for nearly an hour on end, he can use a little comfort. Something to get his mind off what has become his – _their_ – life.

He isn’t too gentle when he pulls the other man’s shirt off but Allen doesn’t complain, he seems just as desperate to get rid of the hindering layers of clothes and it turns Len on like crazy.

Allen whines when Len pinches his right nipple lightly as the blonde is ridiculously sensitive there and quite enjoys it when he pays attention there. Tonight, he doesn’t feel patient, though, neither of them really does, judging by how the other man keeps pulling at his clothes in return, or how eagerly he helps him to get rid of his pants.

There is no lubrication other than his spit but they’ve done this often enough by now that Len knows how to enter Allen without causing him too much pain.

Then, as soon as he is balls-deep in the unbelievable tight heat of the other man’s ass, he is able to finally forget, to just live in this moment as the world shrinks down to him and Allen, just them.

There are no inhuman experiment, no pain or humiliation, no cells and isolation and, most of all, not this all-consuming coldness he _lives_ with every breath he takes.

It is just them…

Allen…

Len groans as he comes and keeps thrusting because the other man needs a moment longer to follow. He grunts in slight discomfort when Allen finally does because the blonde buries his fingers nearly painfully in his back as his orgasm slams into him, causing him to cry out his name and bury his face in the crook of his neck.

They freeze like this for a moment before Allen lets himself fall back onto the hard mattress, panting and looking utterly spent.

He looks handsome like this, sexy…

Len, who is still inside the other man, pulls his by now nearly flaccid erection out and lays down next to him.

It isn’t a surprise when he notices that Allen has fallen asleep already, he tends to do so after they had sex. In a way, this is nearly as useful as any tranquilizer could be for the blonde. He envies him for this.

Len grabs the blanket and spreads it over both of them, careful to not move to close to the other man, seeing that he would only cause him to freeze even more during the night.

His body feels loose and heavy as he lays back as well, eyes wandering to the ceiling of the dark room and he thinks back to Mardon and how he bitched about how Allen and his little friends kept him in a cell in that so called _Pipeline_.

He nearly snorts at that memory but can’t help but wonder whether things would have turned out differently if he hadn’t betrayed Allen that night. Whether the government wouldn’t have gotten so crazy about _Metas_ after Mardon…

There is no reason to play the _What if_ game, too many things have happened over the last couple of years, too much to really be able to pin point the moment when everything started to go to hell.

And what good would it do him anyway? To know who or what is responsible for their misery?

Len turns to the blonde, who is deep asleep and wonders how long it would be before the last source of comfort would be taken from him.

When he would finally be all alone in this _hellhole_.

 


	2. And There Is the Night Sky, Full of Stars, Shining Down On Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len and the others escape.
> 
> Barry is also star-gazing.

* * *

Barry looks up at the sky.

There are so many stars, he can see the actual Milky Way from here.

The wind picks up, and he pulls the thin shirt a bit tighter around himself, not taking his eyes from the sky above him.

There are no more screams.

No more explosions.

Everything is silent now.

Even so, the smell of smoke is still thick in his nose.

As is the one of blood, guts, and burned human flesh.

He wonders whether he is going to hell for this… or maybe this has already been hell, and he owns now something similar to a _Get Out of Prison_ – card when it comes to his afterlife.

“Heh…” He grins, even though he doesn’t really feel it that amused.

It is so nicely quiet around him, though. And all of those horrible people are gone…

“Barry!” A familiar voice cuts through the morass that is his mind, and he turns his head, looking back over his shoulder to where Len and the others are currently standing.

They all look battered and exhausted. Barry can understand that, he too feels like he could just drop down at this very spot and sleep for _weeks_ …

“-ry!” He snaps out of his thoughts and focuses back on Len who is now watching him with a rather familiar concern in his eyes.

“Yeah?” Barry asks and, after briefly glancing up to the sky once more, turns to him and the others with a curious look.

Len is frowning again, studying him like he is a puzzle that gives him a headache.

“Come here,” he finally says, waving him closer. Barry doesn’t miss how Lisa, who is standing next to her brother, shoots him an uneasy look when he does just that. She looks thin, frail, with a buzzed haircut, and two ugly scares on top of her scull that seem to make a cross close to her forehead and are hardly hidden by her short hair.

“You sure about that?” Mick’s voice sounds raspy and low as he meets Len’s eyes with a doubtful look. His skin is still missing in huge blotches all over his body where it got burned off while he used his powers during their break out. One side of his face is so badly burned that Barry can even see the white of his cheekbones come through.

“We should leave him,” Mark adds and seems very much ill at ease as he glances towards him. “He’s not one of us-”

“Neither are Bivolo, Baez, or Kane,” Len cuts him off, his voice hard and sharp, and it is obvious that he isn’t going to listen to any of the others regarding this.

Barry watches how Mark scowls at that, and notices that he looks a bit like a skeleton due to how thin he is, eyes sunken in, cheeks hollow, and pale like the rest of them-

There is thunder above them, and when he glances upwards, he feels disappointed to see that thick, heavy clouds have started to form above their heads out of nowhere, hiding the stars behind them.

“Don’t,” he protests, slightly frustrated because he has wanted to see the night sky for so long now. “Make the clouds disappear again.” He turns to the other man, who looks oddly spooked all of a sudden and has visibly tensed up, and makes an unhappy face as he explains. “Please, I want to see the stars.”

For a long moment, nobody says something, and there is just the cracking sound of fire eating away at the mostly collapsed complex, and the howling of the wind.

“Barry,” Len says then and walks closer to him. Again, Barry doesn’t miss how Lisa tenses up at that and gives him another uneasy look that appears nearly frightened. It confuses him, and he can’t help but wonder what she is so scared of.

Everybody who worked here just half an hour ago is dead, and judging by their surroundings, it would take even the military at least a few more minutes to get here. Scudder already agreed to be their way out of here, it is more than unlikely that anybody would catch them again anytime soon-

“Barry!” Len’s voice sounds sharper than before, and Barry turns his attention back to him when the other man grasps both of his shoulders to give him a light shake. “Can you focus on me? Please, can you try and focus on what I’m saying?”

He frowns but nods. “Sure, Cold.”

His hands start to itch, the blood there has started to dry by now thanks to the wind, and he really wishes he could wash it off. It is annoying…

“Good.” Len nods, looking somewhat relieved, and Barry notices that for the first time in a very long while, some of the hopelessness seem to have vanished from the other man’s eyes. He likes that, it is good to see that he isn’t so depressed anymore, because over their time as cellmates he has really started to care for him.

“I like how your eyes are now,” he points out just as Len was about to say something else and smiles. The other man frowns again and seems both slightly confused and exasperated about his remark but settles on a nod in the end. “I see, that’s good, but we’ve to get away from here before anybody else can get here.”

“Okay,” he agrees and steps closer to Len because he starts to feel confused again, and being close to him usually helps a bit.

“Barry, we don’t have time for this,” Len says, and while there is now audible impatience to his words, he still doesn’t push him away or break the embrace in any other way. Instead he lays his own arms around him and squeezes him briefly as he speaks again. “We’ve to go.”

“I want to take a shower…”

“You can as soon as we’ve left this place,” Len assures him and kisses his temple lightly. “Hot water, shower gel, and all, okay?”

Barry squeezes his eyes shut and nods.

His hands are itching really badly now…

“I killed them…” His voice is quiet and steady, even though a part of him knows that he should freak out over it, should be much more upset than he really is.

Did Dr. Danielle cut this part out of him as well?

He didn’t feel anything as he killed them, as his hands moved through their chests or sculls, and he doesn’t do so now as he thinks back to it.

It _scares_ him…

“They deserved it.” Len tightens his arms around him, and he sounds so cold, colder even than his touch is to Barry’s skin. “They all deserved it after what they’ve done to us.”

Barry isn’t so sure about this…

He thinks of Dr. Danielle who got him ice-cream and other things when he did good during one of the tests, who sat with him when he cried, and who never yelled or hit him or made the soldiers do so like many of the other doctors did.

Her brain has felt warm and thick as he moved his hand through it, likely killing her by causing her to have a stroke. She had looked at him with such fear and horror, and he had felt… nothing.

“Len, we need to move.” It is Lisa again, she seems just as tensed up and worried as before when he glances back to her over her brother’s shoulder. She isn’t meeting his eyes but focuses on Len, who turns to her and agrees. “Yeah, let’s get moving.” He then looks back to him and meets his eyes. “We need to go, Barry.”

“’kay…”

Scudder takes them away from there, afterwards. Len creates a wall of ice, even and smooth enough that it works as a mirror - a portal - for them, and Barry follows him and the others. He once again notices how everybody keeps their distance, how Baez, Hartley, and Mark look scared when he meets their eyes, and how Kane and the rest glower at him threateningly, like they expect him to attack them or something.

They are all really _stupid_ … why do they think that he would do anything to them?

The notion is upsetting, and as usual when he feels this way, he sticks to Len, like he is his shadow.

Thankfully, the other man doesn’t call him on it, like he tended to do for a long while, nor grows he angry with him, also something he used to do regularly. Instead, while talking to the others after they’ve reached some dark and dusty place that has to be the basement of some bigger building judging by the small windows and structure, he keeps a hand around Barry’s back. He doesn’t even push him away when he starts hugging him again halfway through his talk with the others, nearly climbing in his lap while doing so.

It feels like forever till they are done discussing what they should do now, Barry has stopped paying attention to them a while ago, and he is just relieved when they decide to finally go and rest.

The others still look at him like he is a threat as they all get up, and as soon as he notices this, he can’t bring himself to meet their eyes anymore. Even in the faint shine of the two candles their looks are biting, and he hugs Len’s arm even closer to him, muttering that he wants to take a shower now.

“Please,” his voice sounds small and thin, and he doesn’t understand why they would be scared of him. He hasn’t done anything to them…

“Okay,” Len agrees easily, and it makes Barry feel a bit better when he brushes his lips against his forehead in a familiar and so very comforting way.

It takes Len and Axel a bit to get the old boiler to work again, but they end up having hot water just twenty minutes later. Still no electricity, though, which means that they have to move around in near complete darkness.

Barry doesn’t mind, and neither seem any of the others. What he cares about is that he has finally the possibility to shower, and he spends nearly half an hour below the steady stream of slowly cooling water, scrubbing his skin raw, till Len finally comes and gets him so that the others could also take a turn.

After he’s dried himself, he slips under the blanket of his new sleeping place. He doesn’t bother to put anything on, and just lays on the mattress on the ground, which bedding smells musty and old, and listens to the silence around him. His skin is no longer burning from where he scratched it off, it has already healed, but he still itches all over, and he wishes Len would hurry up.

The other man doesn’t need long, though, Barry knows that, even though it feels like forever before he can hear him open the door and make his way over to where he is.

Without a world, and also without putting clothes on, Len slips under the blanket next to him. His presence alone causes the temperature in the room to drop a handful of degrees, but Barry doesn’t care. He quickly scoots over to him and hugs him once more, pressing their naked bodies together as he buries his face into the crook of the other man’s neck.

Len makes a low shushing noise and lays his arm around him in turn.

“You’re alright?” he asks, and Barry really doesn’t know how to answer. He feels still upset but mostly tired and confused…

“Can we have sex?”

His question seems to catch Len by surprise for a second before he moves, positioning them so that Barry is now on the back, and him kneeing between his legs.

“Sure,” Len agrees as he leans down and catches his lips. Barry returns the kiss greedily, looping his arms around the other man’s neck and pulling him closer. He loves Len’s mouth, the feeling of it, the taste of it, and more than anything, the familiarity of it, the _comfort_ it gives him so freely.

He breaks the kiss and hisses when Len’s cool fingers grasp his dick, give it a couple of strokes till it is fully erected, and he whines in protest when he lets go again.

“I think we can use some of the body milk Lisa’s stashed in the showers as lubricant,” Len tells him, but Barry grasp his shoulder painfully hard to stop him from getting up.

“No, let’s do it like usual, that’s fine,” he argues and tries to pull him down so that they can kiss again. Len resists, and even in the near pitch blackness of the room, Barry knows that he his frowning down at him now.

“It will just take a moment, and I won’t hurt you again this way,” the other man points out reasonably.

“I don’t mind,” Barry explains, and makes an unhappy noise when Len still doesn’t comply and kiss him. “ _Please_ , Cold…”

There is a brief moment when Len doesn’t replay, and it is frustrating because Barry doesn’t get what the reason for the other man’s sudden reluctance is.

“I don’t like to hurt you,” Len finally says, low and calm, and somehow sad sounding. “I never did.”

“I heal quickly,” Barry reminds him, still annoyed by his odd behavior but no longer trying to pull him closer.

“That’s not the point, Barry.” Len sounds tired now and even sadder.

Confused and also somewhat worried, Barry lets go of his shoulders. He doesn’t understand why Len is behaving this way all of a sudden, but, no matter the reason, he doesn’t like it.

“Okay,” Barry agrees quietly because it really seems to matter to the other man, and before another word can be exchanged, he moves to get said body milk before returning just a second later, once again laying below Len, with the bottle in hand. He pushes it against his chest as he can likely not make it out in the darkness, and smile when he gets a snort in response.

“I could have gotten it,” Len points out, but doesn’t really complain as he accepts it.

“You’re too slow,” Barry replies matter-of-factly as he listens to the bottle cap being opened.

“And you’re a brat.”

“I’m n-”

He breaks off and inhales sharply when Len uses this moment to press a cool and lubricated finger into his ass. It’s a slow but steady movement, and Barry notices how much better the body milk works than the other man’s spit usually does.

“That’s alright?” Len asks as he pull his finger slightly back before he presses it forward again. The sensation it creates is good, smooth and _really_ good, and Barry _mews_ in response, reaching for the other man so that he can grasp his shoulders again.

Len chuckles and proceeds to fuck him with what must be his index finger for the next minute or so before he adds another one, causing Barry to groan in response and lift his hips a bit, welcoming the intruding digits greedily.

This is new, he hadn’t sex with another man before Len, before they got cellmates, and so far it has always been quick and urgent, so much so that they hardly ever shed all their clothes during the process of it.

Now, it is different… _feels_ different…

“C-Cold,” he utters because the other man is hitting his prostate in a fast and unrelenting pace, and he wouldn’t be able to hold back much longer. “Please, _please_ fuck me… I want to feel you inside me…” He gasps when the fingers are suddenly gone, and Len grasps his legs to lift them instead, so that they are over his shoulder.

Then, he feels the other man line himself up with him before he starts to push in, slower, much, much slower than usual, causing him to groan loudly and pushing himself against the intruding erection as good as he can.

“You’ve no patience.” Len chuckles somewhere above him, and Barry makes a soft noise of protest as he throws his head back and moans loudly because the hard cock inside him is moving alongside his prostate now, and it is the most delicious feeling _ever_. It causes fresh pre-cum to drip from his own hardness onto his belly, and he whines, enjoying this wonderful high that is slowly but surely building inside him as he gets exactly what he wants, what he _needs_.

“P-please move, Cold,” he pleas after Len buried himself into him but has stopped there for a couple of seconds that felt like forever to him.

“So impatience.” There is audible amusement in the other man’s voice, and it is odd but also nice to hear it, because it has been a long time since Cold sound anything but grim, worried, or desperate.

Barry cries out when Len suddenly starts to move, pumping into him fast and hard, just as he craves it, and he is not caring or even considering that they aren’t alone in this place and that the others are more than likely able to hear him right now.

His body is on fire, even with how cold it is getting in here the closer Len gets to his own release, and having him moves inside him like this, feeling him so deep inside his body, this close and real, it causes something in Barry’s chest to tighten nearly painfully.

His world has turned into an ugly place full of torture and desperation for months, maybe even years as time has lost any meaning soon after this misery started, and even now, with all those horrible people gone and dead, Barry knows that he would never be able to shake it off. This horror is now part of him, he would have to carry it around everywhere he goes till the day he dies. They took everything from him, his freedom, his family, his friends, Iris… everything that made him to whom he was… and he could never get it back…

“ _Faster_ , please,” he urges Len on in-between gasps and moans. “ _Please, Cold!_ ”

Len complies, and Barry tries to focus on this, on him, on the only person he has left, the person who kept him alive through this seemingly endless nightmare.

“ _Please_ ,” he cries once more, not sure what he is asking for anymore, but it doesn’t matter, because he is coming, with such force that it steals him his breath, that it leaves him shaking and vibrating on and off as one high of orgasmic bliss after another sweeps him away, while he can still feel how Len keeps fucking him for a couple of seconds longer, till he reaches his own climax and freezes after one last hard thrust into him.

They stay like this for what can’t have been more than a mere moment but feels much longer to Barry, and is still much too short at the same time.

He makes a small protesting sound when Len pulls out of him and puts his legs down again carefully.

“It’s alright, I’m here,” Len says, sounding raspy, tired, and sated, and doesn’t resist when Barry pulls him down for another kiss.

His body feels loose and relaxed, and they shuffle around for a bit, lips staying locked for the most part, before he ends up laying half atop the other man. Len has his arms around him once again, holding him close, and he feels safe and grounded, something he usually does when the other man is around these days…

Barry, with his cheek resting on Len’s collarbone, doesn’t like the thought that this could end anytime soon.

The others are afraid of him, though, and he has no idea what he would do should they decide to leave him behind because they are too scared to keep him around because of what he did… of what he is…

“Are you afraid of me?”

The hand that has been stroking his back for the last couple of minutes stops, and he can feel Len tilt his head slightly, glancing down at him.

There is a brief pause.

“Why would I be afraid of you?” Len doesn’t sound afraid or angry…

“The others are,” he explains unhappily and closes his eyes while pressing himself firmer against the cool body beneath him. “They… I… you’re really not scared of me?”

“No,” Len replies quietly and picks up stroking his back again. “I’m not.”

Barry bites his lower lip and thinks back to the facility, to their escape… to all the people they’ve killed… all the ones _he_ has killed.

“Do… do you think I’m a monster?”

Again, Len’s hand pauses.

A thick silence follows this time, before the other man moves, urging Barry to roll onto his back, so that he is now the one on top. Barry relents easily, confused and slightly, worried that he has said something wrong… or, even worse, that he _hasn’t_.

“You aren’t a monster,” Len says this in a firm and confident voice as his weight presses Barry into the mattress below them. It isn’t uncomfortable, though, it is grounding in a way, reassuring, as is the hand that cups his cheek. “Barry, you’ve helped me and the others to escape that hellhole. You did what you had to do so that we could escape, we all know that, and we all killed people there tonight.”

His eyes start to itch and he swallows around the lump in his throat as he listens to the other man.

“I don’t… I don’t want to be evil,” he says quietly, and his voice sounds much too thin, like it is about to break.

“You aren’t evil, Barry.” Len kisses him, brushes his lips against his left cheekbone and then above his eyebrow, before he goes on. “Those people, _they_ were evil and twisted, and they’ve gotten exactly what they deserved.” There is anger, deep and _sharp_ anger to how the other man says this, and Barry can feel him tense up for a second, likely due to an unwanted memory of their time in that horrible facility. Then, Len kisses him again, this time on his lips, brief and very lightly, but it is a very comforting touch nonetheless. “You aren’t evil, never even think that.”

Barry swallows again with some difficulty around the lump in his throat, and nods. “’kay.”

Another brush of lips against his cheek, and he lays his arms around Len’s back, holding him close despite how cold he currently is again.

“Can I stay with you?” he asks after another brief silence has settled itself between them. “I don’t know where else to go and…” He flushes slightly, and even in this darkness he can feel the other man’s eyes on him. “I would like to stay with you, if that’s okay.”

Len doesn’t answer, at least not in words.

Instead, he kisses him once again, deep and long, and Barry understands.

And There Is the Night Sky, Full of Stars, Shining Down On Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! :)


	3. Homesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry is homesick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is not edited.

* * *

Barry likes the aroma of coffee, even though he is no longer able to enjoy its effect, and this is probably the main reason why he tends to visit this place nearly every single day.

This and it being _STARBUCKS_  because even after nearly a whole year away from the US, he still hasn’t been able to completely settle into this new life and can’t help but miss the familiarity of his former home.

Even such silly things like being surrounded by people who speak English, the much bigger building back home, or the way the water tastes are what he longs for so badly at times that it nearly _hurts_.

He is homesick.

He has been so from the beginning, and it has hardly gotten better since their arrival at this place months ago. This is supposed to be their safe haven, somewhere the military and who knows who else wouldn’t be able to get a hold of them again. It is supposed to be a new _home_.

But it isn’t.

Central City, his family, and his friends… everything is gone, and he is left stranded someplace he doesn't want to be.

Barry listens to the cacophony of people around him and tries to push these miserable thoughts away. Instead he tries to watches the Christmas shoppers at the streets below wander around through the big window he is currently sitting in front of.

It doesn't help, though, because all of this is still so foreign to him. It feels wrong, he was supposed… he was supposed to…

His skin starts itching again, but he fights the urge to scratch as Len hates it when he does so. It is understandable, Barry gets it seeing that he wouldn’t want the other man to scratch himself bloody either, but…

He turns his attention to the smartphone in his hand, to the _Facebook_ page he has been looking through for the last hour or so, and studies the photo once more.

Iris looks happy, both she and Eddie do as they smile widely for the camera. Her face is a bit fuller than it has been the last time he saw her in person, and there is a glint in her eyes that is illuminating her face with pure joy, most likely originating from the little bundle in her arms, the little boy she gave birth to just a couple of days ago.

Barry’s gaze drops to the message that has come with the picture of this wholesome and happy family.

_“We are proud and so very happy to introduce you to our perfect little baby-boy Bartholomew Francis Thawne-West. Born on…”_

He averts his eyes, feeling a familiar emptiness spread through the inside of his chest that makes any movement appear like a tasking chore, and looks back outside the window.

It is getting dark, and the lights of the Christmas decoration on the streets would soon be turned on. He always loved this time of the year back in Central, but he can no longer bring himself to feel much of anything these days. It just feels too much like a chore. Everything does.

Someone steps close to him, he picks up on it out of the corner of his eyes, and his body immediately tenses up in a nearly painful way in response.

“It’s just me,” Lisa says and meets his eyes with a somber but not unkind look as he faces her. She is holding one of the typical white mugs with the _STARBUCKS_ logo in her hand and takes a seat opposite to him.

Barry hums in lieu of an actual response but doesn’t take his eyes off her as he is slightly confused by her being here. Lisa nearly never comes here as she doesn't like this coffee shop chain and, to be honest, before getting stuck here, neither did he as he always preferred _Chitters_. It has better coffee, and he connects a lot of fond memories with that place...

“You’ve missed the meeting,” the brunette woman explains as she adds some sugar to her tea.

“Oh…”

He has completely forgot about the meeting they had this afternoon. Not that he really understands why Len wants him to be there anyway as he never takes part in one of their heists and usually only gets bored sitting there, listening to the people around him talk about the schematics of how they wanted to steal this or that…

“Yeah,” Lisa agrees but doesn’t sound angry or reproachful. She keeps stirring her cup as she is now watching the people doing their late Christmas shopping down at the busy street.

“Is he angry?” Barry asks, even though he knows the answer already. Len doesn’t get angry, not with him, but he gets worried.

“You can ask himself,” Lisa replies and shoots him a quick look before she nods to the stairs the lead down to the ground floor where the barista area is. “He’s waiting for his order but should be up here any moment.”

Barry hums again, not sure how else to response.

Len turns up just a minute later, a big mug in one hand and a tray with two plates of _Chocolate Lovin Spoon Cake_ in the other one. Their eyes meet for a second, and Barry watches how a very familiar frown appears on his friend’s face, looking both worried and tense.

“I’m sorry I missed the meeting,” he says as soon as Len reaches their table. “I didn’t mean to.”

He really didn't, it is just hard for him to keep track on things these days.

“It’s fine,” Len replies, and it is obvious that it isn’t. He watches the other man take a seat next to him before he sets the tray down on the table and pushes it over to him. “Here.”

Barry smiles, starting to feel less hollow inside again, and leans over so that he can rest his forehead on Len’s shoulder while taking hold of his upper arm with both hands. He feels cold to the touch even through the layers of clothes he is wearing. Barry doesn’t mind, he hasn’t in a very long time, and is just good to have him here, to have him close again even if they’ve just been apart for a couple of hours.

Lisa snorts very unladylike from the opposite to him and seems honestly amused when he glances to her. He can’t help but notice how _normal_ she is looking, cheeks no longer fallen in, skin white like the one of a corpse, hairs down to nearly her shoulders again, and no trace of her ugly scares that are hidden below her brunette locks and clothes.

“Eat,” Len says quietly but cups the back of Barry’s head briefly, a warm and comforting gesture that soothes some of the pain in his chest.

“’kay,” he agrees but lingers a moment longer before he finally pulls back.

He isn’t really hungry, these days everything tastes like ash to him, but he knows that he would make Len happy eating the cakes, so he doesn’t mind.

“Here.” Barry turns his attention to Lisa who is offering a handkerchief to him, and it confuses him for second. Then, he feels his cheeks heat up as he reaches for them and feels a familiar wetness there.

“Thanks.” He accepts it, not meeting the woman’s eyes, and suddenly feels like it is much too crowded in here.

Len moves closer, and Barry is grateful when he puts an arm around his back so that his hand ends up resting on his hip.

Nobody of them says anything for the next five minutes or so while Barry eats the cakes listlessly, and Len and Lisa drink their warm beverages with about as little enthusiasm. The room around them is getting more crowded, and Barry notices the couple of funny looks he and Len get from other customers as they pass their table. He can’t bring himself to care, and after finishing the food, he leans into his friend so that his head is resting on his shoulder again, sighing softly.

“Iris and Eddie have gotten a son,” he says suddenly, not really sure why he would even mention it as he knows that he is just making himself miserable by keeping a tap on the people of his old life. Still, there is just this intent urge to share this information with someone, so that it maybe won’t just eat away on his inside. “They gave him my name.”

Neither of the other two say anything to this, and he can feel Len tense up slightly.

His throat hurts as he swallows around the lump in it before he adds very quietly. “I miss them…”

Another silence settles between them, a tense and rather uneasy one, and it is so hard not to start crying then and there.

Len kisses the top of his head, briefly and lightly, and Barry can feel his cool breath onto his scalp as he says. "I know."

“I’m sorry.” His voice sounds craggy and rough. “I’m sorry…”

“It’s alright.” Len makes a low shushing noise a gives his hip a slight squeeze.

It really isn’t. None of this is, none of _them_ are.

Barry bites his lower lip hard, fighting the urge to break down in such a public and crowded place, and forces himself to just concentrate on the other man’s presence, on how safe he makes him feel.

“I want to go home.” His voice breaks towards the end, and he isn’t sure whether he means the little apartment they’re living in here or Central City.

“I know.” Len says again and sounds both calm and exhausted, like he himself is about to break under the pressure of merely existing these days.

They are all tired of this, of hiding and pretending. Barry knows that he isn’t the only one of wants to get back to Central City, back to how things were before…

“I’m sorry,” he utters again because he really is. He was supposed to be a hero and protect people, but he failed miserably.

“Let’s go home.” Len pulls him a bit closer for a moment before he lets go and sits back.

“’kay.” Barry's voice is trembling slightly and sounds too thin, but he tries not to notices as he sits back as well. He uses the handkerchief Lisa gave him to wipe the fresh tears off his cheeks and gets up when both of the others do.

Some of the other people give him odd looks as he follows Len to the stairs, but he couldn’t muster up the energy to care even if he wanted to.

Instead, he sticks close to the other man, reaches for his hand and is grateful when he gets a reassuring squeeze in return as they leave the coffee shop and step out into the cold December air.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! :)


	4. One Aftermath of Many

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Rogues play poker, Len has migraine, and Barry feels helpless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not edited.

* * *

“Good for him.” Hartley’s calm attitude is obviously fake as he shrugs nonchalantly, eyes carefully fixed on his cards, and he fails miserably at keeping the bitterness out of his words.

Len doesn’t understand why the boy even tries, he has to be aware of what a horrible liar he is by now. It isn’t like it is with Barry who grows flustered and nervous when he tries to keep something to himself these days, as Hartley certainly has no qualms to lie to another person’s face, but he is much too emotional and usually lacks the calm to pull it off.

“Really?” Mark scoffs as he shoots the other man an amused look that makes it clear that he doesn’t buy it. “ _Good for him_? Because you wouldn’t like to skin that fucker alive?” He picks his beer up and takes a swig before he goes on with a rather nasty sneer. “I certainly do. I’d cut his balls off if I had the opportunity to. Hell, who knows, maybe that crazy bastard being able to walk again will make it more fun when we finally get to him. We could make him run for his miserable life and hunting him down till he is so exhausted that he can’t crawl anymore.”

This is certainly not what Len wants to talk about right now, not with how tensed up the mood in here already is, anyway.

Not a single one of them doesn’t hold a grudge against Wells, well, with the exception of Barry, and hearing on the news that this bastard has now miraculously regained his ability to walk again doesn’t do anything to lift anybody’s spirit. That man should have died for what he did, even if it wasn’t intentional, he is still responsible for them ending up like this and thus that they were abused as human guinea pigs, locked away in a facility out in nowhere for nearly eighteen months…

“Yeah, _if_ we ever get back to Central.” Frances shoots Len a dark look as she says so, but he ignores her, not willing to start another discussion about this topic.

“I really don’t get why nobody of you likes it here,” Sam interjects, shifting his cards around in a familiar manner while shaking his head with a bemused smile. “It’s a nice city, and the security of most places here is generally ridiculously lacking, how is that not just plain perfect?”

“Because it holds no challenge,” Mick suggests without taking his eyes off the flames that are currently originating from the tips of his index and middle finger, and which he is studying with a rather mesmerized expression that doesn’t sit well with Len. The other man’s damn temper makes him usually the most likely source for trouble, especially since he got these damn powers, and how he seems now even more prone to lose his cool and start a fight with anybody stupid enough to attract his ire.

This is one of the reasons why Len hates times like this during which they are forced to lay low for a while. A week doing nothing but sitting duck can be torture for people like them.

“Yeah, because _being locked away_ again is something everybody of us would just love to go for.” Sam snorts and shakes his head in disbelief. “You’re all idiots.”

The ached eyebrow from Lisa, who sits next to the man, seems to urge him reconsider as he lifts one hand in a palpable gesture and shoots her a smirk. “Well, all but you of course, princess.” It gets him an amused snort in return.

“’s fucking typical that that jackass doesn’t have to face any consequences after what he did to us,” Marco remarks as he picks their former topic up once more, much to Len’s annoyance. “Fucker should have to spend the rest of his life behind bars like any normal person would, and instead he is waltzing around because he has a shitload of money and his ugly visage is printed on the covers of some damn books.”

“Money can get you a lot of stuff, even freedom,” Frances points out with a shrugs before she shifts her attention on to Barry, and Len feels the other man tense up next to him in response. “You were his _pet-project_ , Allen, you’ve _feed_ me a couple of times before I got out. You’ve to know how to get around the security of that shitty place so that we can get to our dear doctor when we’re back in the Twins. We could even lock him into some of his cozy little cells in the Pipeline for a while, wouldn’t you like that?” There is an audible sneer in her voice as she says the last part, and Len has to concentrate on keeping calm, on not hurting that infuriating woman for her persisting dislike for the brunette, even after all the shit they’ve been through together.

Like Mark, Frances had the questionable pleasure of being locked away in the Pipeline for nearly half a year before Barry even woke up from his coma. Understandably, they still hold a deep grudge against Wells for it, but, in extension to it, they make it rather obvious that they don’t have much love left for the young man either.

“I don’t want to lock anybody away,” Barry relies quietly, meeting Frances eyes with a worried and slightly upset expression.

“Sure you don’t.” The blond woman gives him a smile that shows too much teeth, and Len is about to tell her to finally shut up when Hartley beats him to it.

“Ignore her,” Hartley advices Barry from the brunette’s other side and smirks rather nastily as he meets Frances eyes. “She’s just still in a bad mood because she went down like a little bitch when the army got to her.”

“Wouldn’t you know all about being someone’s _little bitch_ , Hartley?” Francis replies in a sickly sweet tone. “I’m sure you didn’t mind to go down on your knees for the dead doctor-”

“I would watch it, Kane.” Hartley calm sounds strained, and there is an anger and hurt flickering in his eyes that’s told Len a while ago that the boy either really had some kind of sexual relationship with Wells or wanted to, at least. “Depending on what you say next, I may see myself forced to make you scoop one of your eyes out.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Sam protests, his face a disgusted grimace, and makes no secret out of how disturbing he finds _that_ particular imagine. “Can we not speak of this kind of shit here?! I had enough of it while we were still locked away!”

Neither Hartley nor Frances pay him any mind.

“Aren’t we in a pissy mood today?” She chuckles and leans back in her chair. “I don’t get you, your dear doctor let you obviously drop like a wet towel after he was-”

“Enough.” Len’s voice is low and hard, the warning in it audibly enough to cause both of them to freeze as he fixes first Frances and then Hartley with his eyes. “Put your damn mind back to the game, we’re _not_ starting another fight.”

They glare at him half-heartedly for a moment, neither really willing to leave it bet, but Len’s powers are of the most destructive and painful ones among them, at least in close range, and they know that he is not joking around.

He turns his attention back to the game, and so do the others. The game proceeds mostly in silence for the next round, and he can’t say that he doesn’t prefer this right now. He takes a sip of his cold beer, even though it is probably not the best choice of drink right now, not with how he is trying to ignore the pinching sensation at the back of his head that is slowly spreading out.

The headaches have kept pestering him more intensely over the last couple of days again, most likely due to the stress and constant worry that their latest heist could have serious consequences for them and force them to move on due to how fucking south it went…

Len reaches up and rubs the back of his neck while studying the cards in his hands that seem a bit out of focus to him which means he is probably on his best way to having his next migraine, and isn’t that just plain fucking perfect?

It’s probably hilarious in some twisted way that he never had troubles with so much as regular headaches before he got that shitty powers. He isn’t entirely sure though whether the migraine really stems from those or whether it is due to something those sick scientists did to him while he was at this facility.

He should call it quits for today, he really should, even though it would be a shame considering the hand he has right now-

Len picks up on the faint sound of skin scratching against something and feels a familiar resignation overcome him as he glances towards the man next to him.

As expected, Barry is scratching the back of his right hand with the sharp edge of the table again, they are currently using for their poker game. The brunette has kept doing so every once in a while since they started about two hours ago, and even with how his body keeps healing itself constantly, it usually succeeds to turn his pale skin into an angry red by how persistent he is with it.

What concerns Len even more is when he notices that Barry seems to have pulled back into his own head again, likely not even seeing to the cards anymore his gaze seems to be fixed on.

“It’s your turn, Allen.” Mark’s voice cuts through the silence, and he sounds both bored and tired.  When Len looks over to him, he notices that the other man is eying Barry with an annoyed expression, which is probably due to how this is the third time the brunette hasn’t paid attention in this game alone so far, and Mark hasn’t much patience when it comes to the younger man.

“Sorry,” Barry mutters, voice sounding slightly slurred, as if he needs a moment to come to his senses again, and shakes his head slightly as he adds three dollars to the pool.

“You can always quit if this bores you too much,” Frances remarks with a familiar acid in her voice but fails to get any kind of rise out of the man opposite to her. It isn’t the same for Len, though, who shoots her a warning glare in return, causing her to scowl down at her cards.

“You could also always keep your dumb mouth shut,” Hartley replies in Barry’s state and shoots the blond woman a dirty look.

“Why, Piper.” Frances’s lips widen into a rather nasty smile as she seems to study the young man with a mockingly ached eyebrow. “How _noble_ of you to come to Allen’s defense. You’re hoping he will _repay_ you this little favor later on?”

Her tone makes it obvious what she means by this, and Hartley flushes deeply in response, though Len isn’t sure whether it is strictly out of indignation and anger, or because the woman touched upon the badly hidden secret that the young genius does have a crush on Barry. It still surprises him that Hartley, who keeps anybody at bay with his sharp tongue and short temper, other than maybe Axel, thawed up towards the brunette the quickest, long before the other Rogues stopped glaring daggers at Barry whenever he just as much as looked in their way.

“Shut up, Kane, nobody is interested in your yapping.” Lisa joins in and meets the other woman’s scowl with a warning glare of her own.

“All of you, _back down_ and turn your damn attention back to the game,” Len tells them sharply before he nods to Hartley with a frown, unable to ignore the stinging pain behind his left temple anymore. “Your turn, Piper.”

Hartley shoots Frances another dirty look before he does as he has been told.

“This sucks.” Sam sighs just a couple of minutes later and puts his cards down. “Pass.”

“You can’t always win,” Lisa reminds him, and it isn’t lost on Len how her eyes seem to soften a bit as she turns to the other man.

“’s not the game, princess.” Sam snorts and leans back against his chair, crossing his arms. “This fucking situation sucks. All of it.”

“What else ’s new?” Mick asks with a grim and humorless smirk while he still studies the flame that dance around on the tips of his fingers with a rather glazed over expression.

“We could still be back there, kept in cells and have people cut us open to see how our powers work,” Hartley points out with a shrug, and while this earns him a round of glares, he does seem pretty unfazed by it. Len isn’t sure whether the younger man has just gotten used to the other Rogues not liking him, or whether he has never really given a damn about other people’s opinions in the first place, but he certainly doesn’t go out of his way to prevent pissing the rest of them off.

“Fuck you,” Frances says quietly, sounding more exhausted than upset, before she puts her cards down and calls it quit as well.

“Barry, stop it.” Lisa’s sharp voice causes Len to turn his attention back to her, immediately noticing the exasperate frown on her face which causes his stomach to sink. It isn’t hard to guess what she is means, and he isn’t surprised when he spots that Barry has actually succeeded in scratching himself bloody once again.

“Sorry.” Barry studies his injured hand with a slightly confused and annoyed expression, as if he was utterly surprised by the outcome of him more or less grinding his own skin off at the edge of the table. His lips are pursed into a thin unhappy line, and he looks pale again, more so than usual. It’s probably because he hasn’t been sleeping a lot the last couple of days… not that anyone of them really has.

“Psycho.” The blond woman opposite to Barry mutters, loud enough for it to be heard.

“Shut your fucking face, Kane.” Lisa sounds angry now, really close to doing something stupid, and Len feels the familiar throbbing of a looming headache spike up behind his temples.

“Or what?” Frances shoots back, and the coins in the middle of the table as well as anything else metallic at the table or on them starts to slightly shake and levitate.

“Or I will punch your damn-”

“ _Enough_ ,” Len cuts his sister off sharply and nearly curses when he notices how the temperature in the room drops palpably again.

“ _Fuck!_ ” Sam gasps, and his breath turns momentarily into white mist in front of his mouth. “You wanna freeze my balls off?”

“Don’t you need to have a pair in the first place for this to happen?” Mick snorts while he gives Len a rather dirty look as he is clearly not any happier about how cold the room has suddenly turned again than any of the others.

This day has gone on long enough, and having his control over his powers fluke out on him like this is a clear sign to finally retreat to his room and go to bed.

“I’m out.” Len grunts and gets up.

“Me too,” Barry adds just a second later as he puts his cards down as well.

“What a shocker.” Frances snorts but her attention is already back onto her cards when Len shoots her an annoyed glare.

“Don’t _smash_ the fucking apartment,” he warns them as their landlord is still pretty pissed off about the ruined couch and entrance door to the living room, and he doesn’t doubt the man’s threat of evicting them should something like this happen again. It earns him a round of dirty looks and an eye-roll from Lisa.

“Just scam it already,” his sister tells him and adds with a slight smirk. “You’ll cause my toes to freeze off if you stay around any longer.”

“Yes, please do,” Sam agrees whose teeth have actually started to chatter. “I can’t feel mine anymore.”

Len frowns but decides to leave it at that. The throbbing in his head has started to become really painful again, and he really doesn’t want to stick around like this, otherwise he could end up being the one responsible for damaging something or _someone_.

The small bedroom he and Barry share is dark and thankfully quiet as they enter it just a moment later. Due to the rather lacking size of their current living spaces, it is just down the floor that leads to the kitchen, between his sister’s, Kane’s, and Baez’s shared room and a small walk-in cupboard that is placed against the north end of their apartment.

The three woman aren’t exactly delighted about having to share a room, especially because Lisa doesn’t seem to like either of her roommates very much, and the feelings are more than mutual. It probably doesn’t help that Barry isn’t able to keep quiet when Len and he have sex either, or that they often go at it after the brunette had an especially bad nightmare, which is mostly in the early morning hours.

It is a relief when Len is able to cut the voices from the kitchen off by closing the door firmly behind them, and a relative silence surrounds him for a pleasant moment.

His head is really starting to hurt…

They don’t bother turning on the lights as they make their way over to the bed, and Len just peels his clothes off till there are nothing left but his underwear and socks before he climbs under the thick comforter. He groans slightly when his head touches the cool pillow and closes his eyes, feeling exhausted and in pain.

The sound of the door being opened can be heard a second later, Barry leaving the room, using his super speed, before he is suddenly there again, standing next to Len’s side of the bed, peering down at him with a concerned and slightly frightened expression that makes him look so very young. He is holding a big glass of water in one hand and likely a couple of Aspirin in the other that he must have just picked up from the mirrored cabinet in the bathroom where they keep most of their drugs.

“’m fine,” he assures him and can’t help but feel slightly guilty for worrying the younger man again.

Barry doesn’t take it too well when he is in pain…

The brunette seems uncertain what to do next for a moment and keeps shifting his weigh nervously from one leg to the next before he finally decides to sit down onto the edge of the bed.

“I’ve brought you some Aspirin,” he tells him quietly, sounding uncertain as if he wasn’t sure whether he did the right thing or not.

“Thanks.” Len forces himself to smile up at him, ignoring the painful throbbing that is currently filling his whole head. It is a task to sit up again, especially with how the word loses its focus for a second and starts to spin threateningly-

The sudden nausea hits him unexpectedly, even though it really shouldn’t, and with such a fierceness that he would have thrown up all over his own lap if it weren’t for the other man and his speed.

Barry keeps rubbing his back as Len empties his stomach into one of the bigger bowls the brunette must have quickly grabbed from the kitchen, and it takes a couple of minutes for the nausea to finally subside again, even though he has just kept retching drily after the first one, as he hadn’t much in his stomach to begin with other than beer and the rest of a sandwich he ate earlier that afternoon.

“ _Stop_ ,” he more hisses than says when the other man’s touch suddenly becomes unbearable, and bless him, because Barry immediately understands and pulls his hand away.

His whole body is hurting now, and he feels so _cold_ …

“Shit…”

Len has no idea how long he stays like this, bowed over the bowl with the taste of sick in his mouth, and his head threatening to crack at the slightest movement. It feels like forever, and the only small comfort is the man sitting next to him, a quiet but palpable presence.

The nausea hits him one more time, briefly but forcefully enough that he is certain he would retch his damn stomach up, and he silently curses his fate and anybody who is responsible for the fucking situation he and the others are in right now.

Fuck those scientists, all these sick people at that hellhole of a facility that made his powers so much worse, fuck Wells and his particle accelerator that blew up into all their faces and started this _miserable joke_ in the first place. Fuck those idiots with their good intention that will end up making sure that this damn planet is going to shit…

The nausea subsides again just as quickly, and he is left feeling like death warmed up, exhausted and in pain.

Some more time passes; Len has no idea how much as he has become unable to concentrate on anything than the excruciating throbbing in his skull, but the pain finally subsides somewhat again, enough that he doesn’t feel like his head is close to bursting.

“You want to rinse out your mouth?” Barry asks in a low voice that is probably nothing more than a whisper, and when Len finally cracks one eye open again to look in his direction, he notices the glass of water that he is now holding once again.

He nods slightly before he squeezes his eyes shut again as even this slight movement causes another sharp pain to flash through his head.

Barry holds the glass for him as he takes a mouthful. He hates it, feeling this helpless and out of control, so much so that he can’t even do this on his own, but they both know from experience that he is horrible at controlling his powers when he is in this much pain, and he doesn’t want to turn the water in ice. He is glad that he doesn’t do so by accident when it touches his lips or tongue, something that happened a couple of times before and was a just plain awful experience.

Len spits the water into the bowl, and the weakened taste of his own vomit does help him to feel a bit better.

They sit like this for another five minutes, Barry probably waiting to make sure that he isn’t going to get sick again, before he takes the bowl and vanishes with it outside the room.

Len, in the meantime, stay as still as if his own body has turned into ice, not willing to anger the pain in his head anymore by moving around too much.

It takes hardly any time for Barry to return, and this time he climbs in bed next to him. “You think you can lay back down?”

The pain has started to subside somewhat again, and while he doesn’t want to challenge his luck, he still agrees.

Barry helps him with it, mindful to not touch him too much as he does so, and it is such a relief when his head is finally touching the pillow again.

“Fuck,” he mutters softly, voice still raspy from having just thrown up, and groans softly when the throbbing behind his temples persists.

Barry stays quiet, he is a silent presence next to him, so close that Len can feel him but without them actually touching.

He’s scared, Len doesn’t need to look to know that the kid worries about him.

“I’m fine, Barry,” he assures him tiredly, and it is nearly palpable how much the younger man wants to reach out to him.

The brunette is really big on physical comfort, and Len thinks that is probably another reason why his migraine attacks terrify him this badly. Barry wants to help, he hates seeing him in pain just as much as it would be the other way around, and he is still so messed up from everything that happened to them that he usually tries to make him feel better by holding him, seeking and giving physical contact, and sex. In moments like this one he must feel really helpless.

“’kay…” Barry is crying, quietly, but it is still audible in his voice.

“I’m fine, kiddo,” he repeats more firmly this time, tries to sound less exhausted and less in pain, and forces himself to look over to the scared man next to him, who has curled up on himself again. “I’m just tired.” He gives him a faint smile and hopes that it doesn’t look too strained.

“’kay…” Barry agrees quietly with a rather shaky voice, and it is obvious that he isn’t believing him.

Len is too tired to deal with this, he hates seeing the younger man so frightened, but he knows that he wouldn’t be able to console him right now anyway with how just thinking has become a chore for him thanks to his migraine.

“Just let’s go to sleep,” he suggests, and even as he is talking, he can feel his eyes close on him.

It is just as he slips over in unconsciousness that he feels how a warm hand very carefully, nearly hesitantly so, takes hold of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! :)


	5. Home is where...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry wakes up on an examination table once more. Things don't get better from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not edited.

* * *

It is like one of his nightmares, like a horrible déjà vu.

Barry is fixed to a table, there are needles in him, and a mask is over his face so that he can’t see. He can hear, though, he can hear people move around him-

“His heartrate! It’s spiking up even more-”

“That can’t be normal, not even for a meta. Give him another 50 mg of haloperidol.”

“Peter, you’re sure tha-”

“Just do it, he’s starting to vibrate! If he keeps this up-”

Barry hates this, hates being used like a damn guinea pig!

Where is Len?!

Where are the others!?

Is he back at the facility?! But it was destroyed, they destroyed it and killed everybody!

He killed them, killed them, killed them, _killed them!!!!!_

He wants to go home! Where is Len!? He wants to be with Len!!!

His body hurts, it feels like his muscles are made of stone, and moving them is excruciating but he doesn’t care. He has been in so much pain already, what is some more? He just wants to get out of here!!!

“He is phasing through the bounds!”

“Don’t shoot him, he’s just-”

He hates them!!!

They hurt him, they always hurt him, and he didn’t do anything to them!!! Why can’t they leave him _alone_?!

His hand, his arm moves through something dense and warm, and wet, before a thick metallic smell fills the air, and while he hardly pays attention to it, a part of his mind provides him with the information that it is probably the upper body of another person…

_ He wants to go home!!! _

There is screaming now, they sound terrified, and he hates it!

The sound of a gun being fired follows.

Barry feels the bullet connect with his neck, lets it phase through his body, and stumbles off the examination table, hitting the ground hard. He feels sick and disorientated, and he just wants to find Len and go home…

Why can’t they leave them be…

“Out, out!!! All of you, out of the fucking lab!”

“The door won’t open!!!”

“ _What?!_ ”

“Move aside, let me try.”

There are more shots fired, most of them hit him but phase through him like the first one, and he needs a moment to regain enough of his sense to reach up and tear the damn mask off his face.

“They locked it! Damn it!”

“Waller! _Waller_ , open the fucking door!!!”

The light is bright, it hurts his eyes and blinds him for a second. He feels sick…

“Tranquilize him!!!”

“Because that’s going to work now!?”

Where is he? He blinks, tries to get his vision to focus and pulls himself onto his feet.

He has to get out of here…

“Fuck, _fuck!_ He’s up!”

“Back away, don’t let him get close to you!”

Barry feels a familiar fear assault him as his eyes fall onto the handful of white clad scientists close to the door as well as someone who has to be a security guard and who has his gun still pointed straight at him.

“Wh.. wherrr…” His tongue feels heavy, it doesn’t help that he is vibrating now badly enough that his voice is nothing but distorted static, and he quickly gives up trying to talk to them. Not that it has every got him anywhere trying to talk to these people…

“Get away from the fucking door! He’s coming this way!”

Barry ignores them, ignores how they shrink away from him as if he had the plaque, and he is just glad that he doesn’t have to hurt them as well, because he knows he killed someone again. He doesn’t look for the source of the blood that is coating his right hand and arm, he really doesn’t want to know, but he still is away of the corpse’s presence behind him.

“We can’t let him get out!”

“Are you _kidding_ me?! What are we supposed to do?!”

“Let him go, they will take care of him when he’s out there.”

It’s the same as that day… before he killed them… he doesn’t want to kill again… he wants to be left alone, and he wants Len…

_ Where is Len?! _

There are people already waiting outside, clad in the dark armored get-ups of special forces, the heavy hitters, and Barry feels scared-

“Onto the ground!” One of the men bellows loudly. “Onto the ground or we will kill you, Allen!”

Barry frowns, confused and not sure what to do.

“Onto the ground! I’m not telling you another time!”

Why is this happening again? Why is this-

Someone shoots, and it is different than the bullets of the guard in the lab he has just been in. It’s a _Hornet_ , one of this horrible things that cause his body to explode in pain wherever he is hit with one of them, and this time is no difference.

He cries out, drops hard onto his side, and clutches his right calve that is convulsing like crazy under the touch.

“Hold the fucking fire, Edwards! I didn’t give the sign-”

He hates them! Hates them, hates them, _hates them-_

“He’s… vibrating!”

“Shit!”

“Do we shoot, sir?”

“Fuck, not yet-”

Barry moves his hand through his own muscle, closes his hand around that horrible projectile that has buried itself deep inside his bone where it keeps pulsing like crazy and _rips it out_. He cries out in agony as he does so because it feels like he took a junk of himself along with it.

He wants to go home, he wants to go home, he wants to go _home_ -

“He’s getting up again!”

“Fuck this! Shoot that bas-”

“ _Hold your fires, soldiers!_ ”

A booming voices cuts through the mayhem around him, and Barry turns towards its origin to find a very overweight and stocky black woman in a rather expensive looking business suit make her way towards them, a grim and clearly dissatisfied expression on her face.

He only pays attention to her for the fraction of a second, though, because behind her-

“Barry!”

The Arrow – _Ollie_ – quickly passes the woman and forces his way through the row of soldiers, pushing them aside with much more force than necessarily which… this…

Barry starts to feel lightheaded again, and he can’t do anything but stare with his mouth slightly agape.

“Barry,” the other man says again as he reaches him, his voice slightly strained sounding, as if he was trying to keep his emotions in check. “It’s alright, you’re fine now. You’re safe.”

Oliver looks older, there are much more fine lines around his eyes and over all face.

_ Worry lines, not smiling line _ , Barry thinks and he can’t help but feel sad.

“Ollie…” He croaks, hardly able to belief that his friend is standing in front of him, after all this time-

“Stand back, Mr. Queen.” The woman who stopped the soldiers before, has stopped in a bit of a distance to them, and Barry can already say that he doesn’t like her, nor the way she looks at him. Like he is nothing more than a _rat_ that has escaped its cage…

“We need to get Mr. Allen back to the laboratory so that the examinations can be finished,” she says with a slightly annoyed frown.

Barry feels himself tense up at these words. He wouldn’t go back-

“He won’t go back in there, and he certainly won’t suffer through anymore of your _examinations_ , Waller,” Oliver says decidedly, voice firm and eyes both angry and frustrated.

“He’s property of A.R.G.U.S. for the time being,” Waller replies, sounding nearly bored. “He will do whatever we decide for him to do.”

This… no… no, no, no… _no_ , he wants to find Len and go home…

“Hey,” Oliver is suddenly much closer, and Barry looks up to him, scared and confused and just wanting to _leave_ …

“It’s alright, Barry,” he says in a calm voice and slowly reaches for his shoulder, as if to give him time to pull back should he want to. “This is over.”

“You really shouldn’t get his hopes up like this,” Waller interjects, and Barry hates how amused she seems by any of this. “I’m the one who decides what is going to happen with him and-”

“I beg to differ there, Amanda,” another voice cuts in, and Barry feels himself freeze up for a moment before he looks into the direction from where Oliver and that woman have just come. There, walking upright without any aid, wearing one of his familiar suits, is Harrison Wells, making his way over to them in a rather leisurely pace.

“ _Thawne_ ,” Waller says the name like it has a nasty taste clinging to it, and crosses her arms before her chest.

Why is she calling him _Thawne_?

It is confusing, but Barry can’t really get himself to care too much, his mind is still a bit overwhelmed by seeing the older man, his _mentor_ , again.

“I thought I left you with doctor Koenig,” Waller remarks and meets Dr. Wells’ eyes with a glare as he steps up to her, close enough that she has to look up to meet his eyes which seems to cause the annoyed frown on her face only to deepen.

“You did, Amanda, but it seems you’ve forgotten to inform me about something quite important, and as soon as I noticed so, I decided that my presence would be much more beneficial down here than upstairs with one of your _idiotic monkeys_.”

He sounds different…

Barry feels his stomach drop.

Something isn’t right, this man… is it really Dr. Wells?

Then Dr. Wells turns to face him, and it is just now that Barry realizes that his glasses are missing.

Oliver steps in front of him, then, mostly blocking his view of the other man. “He won’t stay here.”

“But of course he won’t, Mr. Queen,” Dr. Wells agrees, and there is something off to how he speaks – to how _bemused_ he sounds.

“We have a deal, Thawne-”

“Of course we do.” The way he speaks causes Barry to shiver. It sounds wrong, alien, and the man doesn’t miss his reaction as he shoots him an amused look before he turns back to Waller. “You’ll get a solution for this nasty problems of yours, and I will get a solution for this nasty problem of mine. But to get there, I need Mr. Allen and his assistance, and it certainly won’t do us any good to mess his little head up any more than has already been done.”

What…

“You’re nothing but the kind of scum we are trying to take care of here, Thawne.” Waller gives the man a levelling look along with a small and very unpleasant smile. “You may be useful for us right now, but be aware that you’ll end up on one of these dissection tables the moment this turns out to be nothing but a waste of our time.”

Dr. Wells – or whoever he is – smiles, amused and not in the least bit intimidated. “I like you, Amanda, I really do. I can appreciate honesty, it’s a refreshing change, and probably the main reason why I haven’t spread your guts all over the country just yet.”

The people around them suddenly start to grow nervous again, Barry notices so out of the corner of his eyes, but he keeps his attention on the conversation in front of him, too enamored by the bizarreness of it all to really care about anything else. This man isn’t… this isn’t Dr. Wells…

“But never forget, my dear,” the man with Dr. Wells’ face goes on. “I will return the same courtesy to you the moment you lose your usefulness to me.”

Barry starts to feel sick again and disorientated, like he is somewhere he isn’t supposed to be…

“Oh my god! Barry!”

Felicity?!

He turns to see the blond woman come running towards them, closely followed by Diggle, who looks grim and somewhat worried. The sound of her high heels resonate from the walls, and Barry can’t help but remember a conversation between Sam and Lisa he listened to a couple of days ago, where they were making fun of the cliché that women always wore them, even in the most ridiculous scenarios-

Her arms fall around him, and he freezes, not allowing himself to move at all because he can’t hurt her by accident, he _can’t_ -

“Barry, oh god,” she repeats, nearly sobbing now, and it catches him off-guard how very relieved she sounds. “We thought you’re dead… we held a funeral for you… oh god…”

Yes, he knows that, he’s seen pictures of it, Dr. Danielle showed them to him…

“It was quite a touching spectacle,” the Not-Dr. Wells agrees with a cynical little smirk, and Barry feels Felicity tense up in response before she turns around and faces the man with a surprisingly hateful glare.

“Is he hurt?” Diggle’s voice catches all of their attention and probably stops the blond woman in Barry’s arms to reply rather unkindly to the doctor’s words. It also causes Felicity to pull back and give Barry a concerned once-over. “What? What do you mean-” She stops and gasps in horror when she notices that his right hand and lower arm are still covered in blood that has mostly dried by now. “He needs a doctor!”

“He’s fine,” the Not-Dr. Wells disagrees and looks so very amused again as he watches them. Barry meets his eyes for a second, and he can feel his inside grow cold in response. There is so much disdain in his gaze. It’s as if this man was looking at a pesky insect instead of another human being.

What is going on?

“This isn’t his blood,” the Not-Dr. Wells goes on, and it seems to take Felicity a moment to understand what this means before she gives the arm that has just been around her a horrified look.

Barry doesn’t want to be here anymore…

He wants to find Len and _leave_ …

“Yes, thank you for that, by the way,” Waller adds with a pinched expression. “You killed one of my brightest heads with the little fit you threw in there, Mr. Allen.”

“This is not on Barry,” Oliver disagrees immediately, and sounds very angry once more. “You’re responsible for the man’s death, for anybody who got killed because of your sick little experiments you do on humans!”

“Experiments that will turn out to save humanity one day,” Waller replies indifferently, not denying anything.

“This is wrong,” Felicity says quietly, and her voice is shaking like she is close to tears. She turns her gaze back to meet Barry’s and looks so incredibly sad. “I’m so sorry, Barry.”

Barry doesn’t know what so say, so he stays quiet instead.

“Well, as lovely as this little reunion has been so far,” the Not-Dr. Wells interjects. “I think it would be better for Mr. Allen to be moved from here before he can be anymore traumatized.”

“I won’t-” Waller tries to protest but the Not-Dr. Wells is suddenly up in her face, moving too quickly – _much too quickly_ – for a normal human, with his eyes glowing in an intense _red_ -

Barry runs, he is running before his mind even catches up what he is doing.

He needs to get away!

This is a _nightmare_!

He has to be dreaming! _He has to!_

He needs to find Len, if he could find Len, things would be okay again! Len makes things okay, he _always_ does!

It’s like that day when they were about to put him down. He knew he needed to find Len back then as well, and everything turned out alright afterwards… as alright as things could be for them, at least…

There are so many room, so many laboratories, so many experiments, but none of his friends. 

Where is he?! Where are they?! Are they even here?!

How… how did he get here?

He doesn’t know.

He needs to-

Something connects with the back of his head, with enough force that he feels pain burst through his whole skull, and he trips, crashing painfully hard into the wall at the end of the floor he has just entered.

His vision goes dark for a second, and he feels disorientated enough that he can’t say where is up and down.

Someone grabs his throat, hard enough that it _hurts_ , and pulls him up before he is slammed back against the wall he just crashed into. He whimpers in pain, feeling how his bones start to try and mend themselves, correct their position as much as possible before starting to heal. They move around through his muscle tissue like dozens of knifes.

“You’re not going to run away from me, Mr. Allen.” The Not-Dr. Wells’ red eyes – _the man in yellow’s_ red eyes!!! – meet his, and he nearly pisses himself in horror. “I’ve been looking for you for long enough now, and I don’t have the patience for any of your little temper tantrums right now.”

Oh god… oh god, this man… he killed his mother… he…

“There is no need for you to cry, Barry.” The Not-Dr. Wells sighs impatiently and actually eases his grip on his throat. “Contrary to what you may think right now, and I will certainly not hold it against you after everything you’ve been through, I’m not here to hurt you.”

He wants to go home… so badly…

“Stop crying,” the other man says again, his tone a bit sharper now. “You’re embarrassing yourself.”

Len…

“What?” the Not-Dr. Wells asks, and it is then that Barry realizes that he’s said the name out loud. The killer of his mother studies him with a funny look before he lifts both of his eyebrow. “I see… This is unexpected.” He chuckles then and shakes his head. “This timeline really is nothing but one huge mess anymore.”

“I-” Barry croaks around the hand on his throat and is surprised when the grip loosens again. “I need to find them-”

“The Rogues?” the Not-Dr. Wells clarifies, looking much too amused for Barry’s liking. “Are they your new _friends_ now, Barry?”

“I need to find them,” he repeats stubbornly, and something changes in the other man’s expression. First there is something like understanding, like something dawns on him, and then there is just _fury_. The grip around his throat tightens again, and he quickly starts to get lightheaded.

“They are _nothing_ to you! They’re your _enemies_! They mean _nothing_ to you!” The Not-Dr. Wells sounds utterly livid, and he gets so angry that he actually starts to vibrate, which in turn causes something in Barry to click.

He feels a familiar energy soar through his body and moves on instinct.

The Not-Dr. Wells cries out in pain, let go of Barry, who stumbles to the side, backs away from the man who has momentarily dropped onto his knees and clutching his left eye.

Or where his eye has been just a moment ago, as Barry looks down to the eyeball in his hands before he lets is drop and throws up.

This is not real… this isn’t real! He is hallucinating again!

He sees the man move, then, expects the pain but can’t get himself to do anything.

His right cheekbone cracks, and he lands heavy on his back.

This is the man who killed his mom…

No, he is hallucinating, this isn’t real… it isn’t real, isn’t real, isn’t r-

The Not-Dr. Wells grabs his throat again, and even though Barry can’t get his eyes to focus he is still able to see the anger on the other man’s face, the white-hot fury. He is pulled up a bit, so that he is more sitting than lying, and he grabs the wrist of the hand that makes it impossible to breath, but only holds onto it.

“You’ve taken an eye from me, Barry,” the Not-Dr. Wells hisses, and Barry feels how hot tears start to roll down his cheeks again. “I think I’ll take one of yours to make amends for it.”

Where is Len?

He wants Len… he just wants Len to come and get him…

Barry feels how a thumb touches the skin just below his left eye, while the Not-Dr. Wells’ index, middle, and ring finger come to rest slightly above his eyebrows.

“It will only hurt for a moment.” The man sounds matter-of-factly, suddenly calm again, and Barry wants this to be over so badly, to just wake up again-

A gunshot cuts through the air, hits the ground next to them, and the fingers are suddenly gone from his face.

“Let him go, Thawne!” Diggle bellows from somewhere down the floor.

Another shot follows, closer to where the Not-Dr. Wells, _Thawne_ , who is still holding his throat in an iron like grip, is kneeing.

“I won’t kill him,” Thawne tells the other over his shoulder in an annoyed tone, as if it was nothing but a light inconvenient to be interrupted right now.

“You won’t do anything to him, or finding a way home is going to be your smallest problem from now on!” Oliver sounds so livid, and Barry doesn’t really understand why everybody is so upset, why they have to scream so much... it _scares_ him…

“Don’t threaten _me_ , Mr. Queen, or I will make sure that you don’t have any arms left to shoot your silly little sticks with,” Thawne tells the other man in an audibly unimpressed tone, and Barry is surprised when the hand on his throat suddenly vanishes nonetheless.

He pushes himself to sit up as soon as Thawne has moved away a bit but doesn’t get up.

This… is this real?

How did he get here?

He doesn’t want it to be real, it’s all _wrong_ -

And then, like with the flip of switch, the fear is gone, replaced by a familiar emptiness, and Barry doesn’t feel much of anything anymore.

“Barry.” Felicity is suddenly crouching in front of him, studying him with a very concerned expression. “Are you okay?”

He smiles, not really sure what she means. Thawne hasn’t taken his eye, after all.

“Yeah,” he agrees and gets up. “I’m fine.”

The look she gives him then is odd, and it reminds him a bit of how Len looks at him at times…

Barry frowns then, realizing that he hasn’t found the other man yet, or any of the others.

“I should get you locked away for this, Thawne,” Waller says as she makes her way over to them, closely followed by the soldiers from before, looking clearly pissed now.

Barry notices that another woman has joined the group as well, and it only takes him a second to recognize her as Lyla, Diggle’s wife… or is it girl-friend?

“Be careful, Amanda, you actually start to annoy me now,” Thawne replies, and he sounds oddly strained which is likely due to the pain of losing one of his eyes. Barry can’t help but frown at that memory.

He really doesn’t want to stay around anymore. He doesn’t like these people.

Well, most of them. He likes Oliver, Felicity and Diggle, of course. And probably Lyla, she seemed alright the one time he met her briefly.

“It looks like Allen is a handful to handle even for you,” the stocky woman points out with a chuckle after she notices the lack of one of Thawne’s eyes.

Of the man in yellow’s eyes-

Barry frowns and shakes his head slightly. His head feels odd again, heavy and light at the same time… he needs to find Len and the others, things would get better again afterwards.

“Where are my friends?” he asks, cutting Thawne off in the middle of saying something to Waller, and he feels a bit bad for it because it’s very impolite to do so. He just hasn’t notices that the other man has started to talk.

“Your friends?” Waller replies after a brief silence in which all of them has eyed him in a rather funny way.

“Len, Lisa, and the others,” he clarifies helpfully. “Where did you put them?”

For some reason, the stocky woman seems to find this very amusing as she laughs briefly. “Why do you think I would tell you anything, Mr. Allen? You really aren’t in the position to ask questions.”

Barry can’t help but feel slightly disappointed. He’s really hoped that she would just tell him, but he knows how to make people talk, so it’s not really such a problem. Dr. Danielle showed him, she made him talk, a lot. About everything, even the things he didn’t want anybody else to know…

It isn’t something he likes to do, though, so he would rather have her just telling him without hurting her.

“Where are my friends?” he repeats, slowly and clearly, making sure that she really understands him. He adds a bit reluctantly. “If you don’t tell me I have to make you to, and I really don’t want to.”

A much tenser silence follows after he has said this, and he notices the taken aback expression on Oliver’s and Felicity’s faces. It causes him to feel a bit uncertain about his choice of words, because he really doesn’t want to scare them by accident.

“You _are_ mad,” Waller finally says in a way that sounds more surprised than worried, and this seem to break the tension around them once more because Oliver is suddenly in front of him, grasping both of his shoulders firmly and boring his gaze into his eyes.

“Barry, I don’t know what has happened to you, but you can’t hurt anybody. Do you understand me? You can’t hurt other people.” He sounds nearly angry, and Barry doesn’t understand why he is so upset all of a sudden. He doesn’t like it when his friends get upset…

“But I need to find my friends,” he tries to reason, and feels how the grip on his shoulders firms and becomes nearly painful for a second.

“They aren’t here.” Both he and Oliver turn to face Felicity at that, and Barry notices with some concern how thin the blond woman’s voice his. She looks like she is close to start crying again, and it worries him because she is his friend too, and he doesn’t want to see them sad.

Then he realizes what she has just said and steps back by letting Oliver’s hands phase through his shoulders, before he turns to her in confusion but also hope.

“They aren’t here? You’re sure?”

Felicity is still watching him in this odd way as she nods. “I hacked into the system, we found you this way. There are no other people from _that_ place present.”

This is a relief.

And confusing.

“But… but _where_ are they then?” he asks her, and a new worry rises in him at the notion that something could have happened to them, or worse, that they could be kept somewhere else.

“You didn’t get your greedy little fingers on all of them?” Thawne asks, causing Barry to jump slightly as he has completely forgotten about the other man for a moment. When he turns to him, he notices that he is facing Waller in a visibly condescending and amused way.

“Unfortunately, I see myself forced to withdraw any information regarding this,” the black woman tells Thawne with a slight smirk before she turns to Barry and frowns. “It’s a pity what happened to you, Mr. Allen. You seemed to be made of the material that is needed to really bring a change for the better to this world.”

Barry isn’t sure what she is talking about and doesn’t think that it really matters, anyway. He turns back to Felicity, not paying any more attention to this uncomfortable woman.

“Can you help me find them?” he asks her hopeful, and it is a bit disconcerting when she seems to hesitate for a moment. He doesn’t understand why she wouldn’t want to help him, but then he picks up on the worry in her eyes and tries to assure her. “They won’t hurt you or anybody, they’re my friends now.”

Len wouldn’t want him to be sad, and hurting his friends or being _bad_ usually causes him to feel very sad. The others usually try to not upset him either, not that Lisa or Hartley would want to see him hurt any more than Len does. They are his family now, and they look out for each other.

“I think we should talk about this when we’re back in Central City,” Thawne interjects. “I doubt that here is the right place to plan these sort of things any further.”

Barry frowns at him before he shoots a worried look to Felicity only to realize that she still seems oddly unsettled. He wonders whether she is also afraid of this man next to them. She doesn’t have to be, though, he wouldn’t let anybody hurt her.

“I think it would be much safer for him to come with us to Star City,” Oliver argues and actually makes a threatening step towards Thawne. “The further he gets away from you, the better.”

“We both know that he will have to come to S.T.A.R. labs in the end,” the other man points out with an uncomfortable smile. “Do you really think that delaying this will help anybody?”

Thawne then turns to him, and Barry feels how he gets goosebumps in response. “And what is about Barry? Why not let him make this decision? He is here after all.” There is something in the way the man looks at him that makes him feel uneasy. “Don’t you want to see Iris again? Or Joe, or your dad? Do you even realize how much it hurt your father to believe that his only son is dead?”

It is as if someone has just emptied a bucket of ice water over his head.

His father…

Iris and Joe…

He could see them again?

He wants to… he has so for a long time, but-

“Be quiet!” Felicity’s voice is sharp and angry, and Barry is surprised by the fierce glare she gives Thawne. “You have not right to talk to him! Not about his family or anything of that matter! You’re the reason to begin with that any of this happened!”

“I’m the reason for this?” Thawne asks with an ached eyebrow and chuckles. “Ms. Smoak, you may be an exceptionally smart person for this century, but in the end your clearly nothing else but another disappointing example to me of what humanity has once been.”

“I would watch what you’re saying,” Diggle warns Thawne as he steps closer to them, his weapon still in his hands. “You’re clearly not one of Barry’s favorite persons right now, and I doubt that insulting his friends will get you anywhere.”

“Barry will not go with you,” Oliver states firmly.

Barry doesn’t like this.

They make decision for him… he doesn’t like it when people do that, it usually ends badly for him. Dr. Danielle always made decisions for him, like deciding how many pieces were cut out of him or how long they would keep him under water, or…

…

His head feels funny…

Barry rubs his eyes and tries stop his mind from fogging up again.

He wants to get away from here, he needs to find the others.

But…

But he also wants to see his _dad_ again.

And _Iris_.

And Joe…

“I want to go home,” he says quietly, and he isn’t even sure what he means by this anymore.

Whether it is Central City or…

“I want to go home…” he repeats, and it causes the men in front of him, who are currently bickering, to stop.

“I know you want to,” Thawne agrees, and Barry tenses up when he feels the other man’s eye on him. “And you will. I’ll get you home, Barry, to your family. We will even try and help you to find your new _friends_.” The way the other man watches him makes him really with that Len was here.

Len would know what to do.

“Barry.” Oliver doesn’t seem happy with his decision, and it makes him feel bad. “I understand that you want to see your dad and everybody else again, but I think it would be better for you not to go back to Central City right away.”

Barry knows that Oliver is probably right, the man is smart and has much more experience that he does. He doesn’t like to disappoint his friend or cause them worries but…

Oliver also _hates_ criminals, any kind of criminal, and probably wouldn’t take too well to his relationship with Len or the others… and Thawne said he would try to help finding them.

Should they still be alive, that is, otherwise this worry would be redundant... 

The thought makes him slightly sick, and he decides that he really doesn’t want to think about this anymore.

Instead he meets Olli’s eyes firmly, ignoring the Not-Dr. Wells or Thawne who is still looking at him in this unsettling satisfied way, and hopes his friend would understand.

“I want to go to Central City.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! :)


	6. Sleeping Troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry can't sleep and decides to wander around a bit. He meets an interesting someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not edited.

* * *

Barry hates sleeping alone.

He isn’t used to it anymore, it feels alien and wrong. A warm and comforting presence is supposed to be next to him but there is nothing.

Without Len and his calming presence, he would likely not be able to rest. His mind is just too wired up, and after laying awake for nearly two hours with too much jittery energy coursing through his body, Barry decides that trying to fall asleep any longer would make no sense.

There is just too much on his mind, and the current situation he is now finding himself in is certainly not helping.

He sits up in his makeshift bed and rubs his eyes with a soft sigh.

The room around him is quiet, and he listlessly lets his eyes wander through what has once been the office of in the second level of S.T.A.R. labs. Cisco told him that it belonged to a former doctor who worked here before the particle accelerator explosion. It certainly isn’t the worst make-shift bed he ever had as the couch is comfortable enough, at least, but he really isn’t tired.

He hardly ever is these days.

Usually he only sleeps when Len rests during the night. With Len not being around, the whole concept doesn’t seem at all alluring anymore, though.

Especially here.

S.T.A.R. lab isn’t supposed to be threatening.

It’s not supposed to scare him…

It is a scientific facility, though, and it isn’t all too different from the one he has been kept at for over a year. He nearly threw a fit when Caitlin wanted him to rest in one of the labs on the ground level, close to where she and Cisco are currently working on something or another. She wanted to be able to monitor him and his vitas, and while there was open concern in her eyes, the notion alone to lay down in any room with medical or scientific equipment made him want to bolt.

It was only due to Thawne assuring him that nobody of them would perform any medical exams on him for now that prevented him from doing just that.

Barry frowns and rubs his forehead, pushing the notion of the fake-Dr. Wells away, unwilling to think about that man for now.

He doesn’t like it in here very much either.

None of this situation holds any real comfort for him.

Well, other than his friends…

Having Len not around and not knowing what has happened to him or the others is making it difficult to feel anything but disconcerting, though.

All of this does.

Barry looks over to the clock and frowns.

It isn’t even one in the morning.

This sucks...

Having nothing to occupy his mind with is never good. It usually causes it to go places he doesn’t like to visit, like it does now.

As if on cue, the cell in the facility comes to his mind, the one he shared with Len for so many months…

Barry gets up from the couch and decides to go for a walk. The need to move is just too strong, especially with Len not around. He doesn’t bother to put a shirt on as he doesn’t like the clothes Caitlin got him after his arrival in the laboratories any more than the one he woke up in yesterday.

They just itch, and it nearly drive him crazy with the urge to scratch his skin off-

He frowns when he realizes that he is currently doing just that, scratching the back of his right hand with enough vigor that he would draw blood in no time should he not stop. Frustrated, he forces his hands down beside him and stops in the dimly lit corridor.

Slowly, he looks around, and it suddenly hits him how odd it is to be here again after more than two years.

For a long time, he longed to be back in S.T.A.R. labs. He had been longing for a lot of things during his timer in what Len keeps calling _the hellhole_. Much of which he would never have the opportunity to really get back.

Barry closes his eyes and listen into the silence around him. It seems that he is the only one on this level, and the notion is somehow calming even though he is pretty sure that there is probably a surveillance cam locked on him right now.

Being watched by someone he cannot see…

It is unsettling but familiar in a way.

Pain is only one part he doesn’t like to remember from his time in the facility. There is so much more than being hurt that can make you go mad, cause your mind to just… break.

Like fragile glass smashed on the ground, bursting into shards, like he…

Like he broke.

Barry opens his eyes again and lifts his right hand to study it with a slowly growing sense of detachment.

He has no idea how often he had to heal it, regrow parts of it, or even all of it during his stay there. For some odd reason Dr. Danielle preferred this hand of his. They used all of his body for experiments, but this part, his right hand, seemed to be especially alluring to them… how strange.

He chuckles, not really sure why he finds this funny, but he can’t be bothered to think about it too hard.

Barry sometimes hates it for that, how it made them to cause him even more pain. How _disturbing_ it really is.

A shiver runs through him as he thinks back to the time when he tried to cut it off just a couple of weeks after they had escaped the facility. He used a sharp kitchen knife, and he can still remember how difficult of a task it was due to his bones, how his flesh gave away without any resistance under the blade but his bone-

Len has been really upset, he didn’t and still doesn’t really understand why he did that. Barry tried to explain it to him, more than once, but he didn’t miss how much this seemed to unsettle and worry the other man so that he stopped after a while.

In a way, Barry gets now why Len doesn’t want him to hurt himself. He wouldn’t want Len to do this to himself either, after all. He has no idea what he would do if his friend got killed, and the notion of him killing himself – whether it is intentionally or not – is just so very upsetting.

This helps him to keep these urges at bay.

A bit, at least.

Pain, physical one, is a very distorted sensation to Barry these days. It hardly holds anything deterrent to him anymore, and it is hard to not just forget that hurting himself is not normal but something he does because he is still _broken_.

Barry lets his hand fall to his side again and decides that he would get himself something to drink. He has water back in the room he has been trying to rest in before, Caitlin was nice enough to provide him with a big cup of it, but he doesn’t like it when it is not _fresh_.

He is just about to move again when he experiences a sensation like someone is pulling at the back of his mind, and just a moment later, he picks up on the sound of steps coming from the hallway behind him. Curious to see who else would be here this late at night, he turns around.

The stranger that comes around the corner doesn’t seem like he has expected to find someone standing in the middle of the corridor. He stops abruptly and eyes Barry with a rather taken aback expression for a second.

A tense and somewhat awkward silence follows when they just proceed to stare at each other, and Barry wonders who that man is as he hasn’t met anybody but Caitlin, Cisco and Dr. Stein so far when he arrived her a couple of hours ago. They did mention that there are others who work with them, though, and that one of them is also a speedster like him.

… and like the Not-Dr. Wells, Thawne.

Barry frowns and shoves the thought of that man away again.

“You’re Barry Allen,” the stranger states and pulls Barry’s attention back to him.

It isn’t a question but a statement, and Barry doesn’t like not knowing whom he has to deal with while his own identity is obviously no secret.

The other man seems to notice his unease because he adds. “I’m Jay Garrick.”

Jay, that is the name Caitlin mentioned before.

“You’re also a speedster,” he blurts out and watches how the other man seems surprised for a second before he smiles and nods.

“Yes, I’m the Flash of my world,” Jay agrees, and Barry isn’t sure whether his mind isn’t working correctly again or whether he has just not gotten a huge piece of information yet because he has no idea what the other man is talking about.

His confusion must have been obvious as Jay studies him briefly before he asks. “How much do you know?”

“About what?”

The other man makes a face as if he has stumbled into something he really would rather have not, and seems uncertain for a moment whether he should actually go on or not.

“They haven’t told you? About anything?” Is what he finally settles on, and Barry still has no idea what he is talking about. He shakes his head and watches Jay’s frown deepen.

“They told me to rest,” he explains with a half-shrug.

“I see,” Jay says but doesn’t sound like he really does.

“Where is your world?” he asks then because he still isn’t sure what the other man has been talking about before. Does he _literally_ mean another world?

Barry hasn’t really kept up with the news since their escape, but he is pretty sure that one of the others would have mentioned something like the appearance of a second earth to him.

Though, he thinks he remembers that Dr. Danielle said something about parallel dimensions once when she spent some time with him after he got really sick for a while from something they injected him with.

“Well, it’s not in this dimension,” Jay explains, and Barry feels oddly pleased about having made the right assumption. “I come from another earth that is very similar to this one but not exactly the same.”

That is interesting.

“Does your earth have the same people as this one does?” he asks curiously which doesn’t seem like a question the other man has expected him to ask judging by his surprised expression. Jay thinks about it for a moment, though.

“I guess mostly so,” he replies slowly and once again frowns slightly. “We’ve met a number of those so far.”

“There are more from your world over here other than you?” Barry can’t help but feel a bit excited by the prospect of other dimensions. He has always been fascinated by the unknown and seemingly impossible. After his mother’s…

He shivers and reaches up to his head.

“You’re alright there?” Jay sounds concerned, and when Barry turns back to him, he notices that he is also watching him with just such an expression.

Is he alright…

Yeah…

Barry thinks he is… mostly…

“Dr. Wells is not Dr. Wells,” he utters, and it nearly causes him to flinch when he realizes what he has just said.

Dr. Wells…

No, the Not-Dr. Wells, Thawne…

He has red eyes like the man in yellow, and can move just as fast as him.

Barry squeezes his eyes shut and grits his teeth while he presses the balls of his hands nearly painfully hard against his temples.

He doesn’t want to think of that! He doesn’t want to think of that! He doesn’t-

“Hey.” Someone is suddenly right there in front of him, and he stumbles back, twisting away from them.

“No,” he hisses, feeling angry and sad, and scared all at once. “No, go away!”

He wishes Len was here. He knows that Len would make him better, he would make _all_ of this better…

“Hey,” someone says again in a low and calming voice. “It’s alright. Let’s get you somewhere to sit down, okay?”

“No…” Barry protests weakly and tenses up in expectation of being touched.

To his surprise, it doesn’t happen.

“Okay, then, why let’s not sit down here for a moment? Just until you feel a bit better again?”

Barry frowns slightly and hesitates briefly before he turns slightly to look at the other person.

At Jay…

The man from the other dimension.

He is in one of S.T.A.R. labs’ hallways… right.

Another uneasy shiver runs through him as he forces his hands down again.

His mind feels… he doesn’t feel so good. Maybe sitting down isn’t such a bad idea.

Barry lets himself more or less drop onto the ground then.

Jay watches him with a rather concerned expression before he takes a seat opposite of him, about two feet away.

A silence settles between them for the next couple of minutes during which Barry tries to make himself feel normal again. At least as normal as he usually does these days.

Which is never easy, especially with Len not being around.

He can’t help but worry about his friend. About all of them, really. Even Mark or Frances whom he doesn’t really like all that much.

“My friends are missing.” Barry turns to the other man with a sad look. “I have to find them but… I don’t even know where to start looking.”

“I’m really sorry to hear that,” Jay tells him honestly. He seems to hesitate for a second before he asks. “Were they with you when you were… held captive?”

It is a bit unexpected that this man seems to know about his time in the facility. Though, then again, if he works with the S.T.A.R. labs team he would likely have learned about him a while ago, and from what Barry has picked up so far the others seem to be aware of what has happened to him.

Barry nods and rubs his eyes with a frustrated sigh.

“Len helped me when we were there,” he explains and leans back against the wall behind him. “The people there… they hurt me a lot and…” He presses his lips together firmly and looks up to the ceiling.

Thinking back to his time there is uncomfortable, nearly painful at times, and it only grows worse when he thinks that Len isn’t here. Usually, he would climb on his friend’s lap and bury his face in the crook of his neck, hiding away from all the awfulness that lays waiting for him in his own mind.

But Len isn’t here…

“I miss him,” he says quietly.

He really does. So much so that it _hurts_.

They haven’t been separated this long in what feels like forever. It usually was only for a couple of hours when the others pulled a heist or they just needed a brief break from each other…

“I’m sure we’ll find them.” Jay meets his doubtful look firmly. “I’m sure Caitlin and Cisco are already looking for them, and I’ll help you as well if I can.”

“You’re a speedster too,” Barry points out and realizes that this would speed up things considerably. Then, he notices the slightly pained expression of the other man. “Aren’t you?”

“I am, but I’ve lost my powers for now,” Jay explains, looking quite grim all of a sudden.

“You lost your powers?”

That is certainly… odd?

“How?” he asks and studies the other man curiously. “Did they cut them out of you?”

Jay gives him a look then of which he isn’t sure what to make of.

Has he said something wrong?

“I think they tried to cut them out from me,” he explains and can’t help but feel a bit uneasy because he is certain he said something stupid again.

“I…” Jay seems uncertain what to say for a moment. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Barry waves him off and wonders whether pointing out that he still has his powers after all would be tactless.

The other man frowns at that again and looks for a moment as if he was about to disagree. He seems to think the better of it, though, and instead stays silent.

“You think you’ll get your powers back?” Barry asks after another rather awkward silence has settled between them. He feels bad for it nearly immediately when he notices how this question seems to put Jay ill at ease, causing him to tense up palpably.

“I don’t know,” Jay replies honestly and shoots him an earnest look. “They’ve been taken from me, or at least I think they have.”

“By whom?” Dr. Danielle comes briefly to Barry’s mind. She never outright told him so, none of the scientists at the facility did, but he is certain that her actual goal was to get his powers as well.

Was there another Dr. Danielle in Jay’s world?

The notion causes him to shiver.

Jay doesn’t seem to have notices his reaction as he is currently glaring down at the ground between them with a mixture of anger and frustration. “Zoom.”

Whoever that is, the other man obviously doesn’t like him.

“Who is he?” Barry asks and can’t help but feel curious even though the notion that this Zoom took Jay’s power is a bit unsettling. “Is he a scientist?”

Jay gives him a slightly confused look before he shakes his head. “No… well, it’s possible. We don’t know Zoom actual identity.”

“Is he a meta?”

“Yes,” Jay agrees but pauses again and adds somewhat reluctantly. “We thinks so at least.”

That is not a lot to go on…

“How did he steal your power?” Barry asks as he studies the other man.

“I don’t know,” Jay explains with an unhappy frown. “It is probably somehow connected to the singularity that broke the walls between your dimension and mine.”

… what?

“Singularity? You mean like a black hole?”

“Yes.” Jay nods, and there is something quite bizarre to all of this.

For a brief moment Barry is overcome by a sense of utter surreality. It is so intense that the unsettling thought crosses his mind that this could all be another lucid hallucination of him, and that he is still back in-

The pain that shoots through his hand is sharp and severe. The metallic taste of blood fills his mouth for a second, and he hears the other man gasp in surprise but hardly pays any mind to him.

What Barry is paying attention to is that the world around him stays in focus, the pain does not cause it to wither away like it usually would in case it wasn’t real.

That is good.

He pulls his teeth out from his hand and wipes the blood from his lips and chin with his other one.

Then, Jay is suddenly in front to him, much too close for his liking. Thankfully he doesn’t touch him, Barry isn’t sure how he would react to this right now.

“Barry?” the other man speaks with a forced calm, though the concern in his voice is still audible.

“Yes,” Barry replies and meets Jay’s eyes uncertainly.

“I think we should go and pay Caitlin a visit.” Jay gives him a faint but not unkind smile. “I’m sure she would like that.”

“It’s late,” he points out with a frown. He really doesn’t want to bother his friend this late at night, and he doesn’t like how the other man is talking to him now. It is in the same tone Len always uses when he thinks he is going to do something stupid.

He isn’t. He just…

“I heal quickly.” As if to proof his words, Barry lifts his bloody hand so that the other man could see it.

The wound from his teeth is nearly gone by now, it is no longer bleeding and hardly feels sore at all anymore.

Jay presses his lips together and doesn’t pay his hand much attention after briefly glancing at it. Instead he studies him with a rather grim expression for a quiet moment before he visibly forces himself to relax.

“Why did you… hurt yourself?” he finally asks, somewhat wary.

Barry frowns and shrugs. “I just wanted to see whether this is real.”

This seems to catch the other man by surprise. “You thought it isn’t?”

Again, he shrugs but stays silent.

It is hard to explain to others how he has difficulties to discern his dreams from reality and vica versa. Hartley gets it to a degree, but he usually doesn’t like to talk about it. Barry isn’t sure whether the others do, though.

Jay chuckles then, out of the blue, and causes Barry to focus back on him with a confused look. The other man shakes his head and he rubs his neck.

“This whole situation is absurd,” he agrees with a crooked smile. “I understand how you can think that it may not be real.”

This is a reaction Barry has not expected, and it is a bit of a relief. He doesn’t like it when other people think that he is crazy. He isn’t, he’s just not completely healed yet. Len told him so.

“Yeah,” he agrees and smiles because in a way it is nice to have someone else around.

Jay returns it, and he doesn’t seem to have to force it as much this time.

“You want to grab a midnight snack?” the other man suggests as he starts to get up.

“It’s already after midnight,” Barry points out as he looks up to him.

Jay shrugs. “An after-midnight snack, then?”

Food isn’t the first thing on his mind, though he hasn’t eaten all that much today other than for the nutrition bar Cisco gave him before. He is still thirsty, though.

“Okay,” he nods and feels a bit taken aback when Jay offers him a hand to get up.

He only hesitates briefly before he accepts it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! :)


	7. The Difficulty of Not Moving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry has a talk with Cisco and Caitlin as well as a little meltdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not edited (I hope its not too noticeable ;).

It is hard not to forget that people tend to get startled by him suddenly turning up next to them out of nowhere.

Caitlin seems to nearly jump out of her skin when she notices Barry next to her where nobody has been standing just a second ago.

“Jesus…” She gasps and gives him a startled look while one of her hands is pressed against her chest. “Barry, you…” She takes a deep breath, collecting herself, before she smiles slightly. “We’ve to get you a bell.”

“I doubt that this would help much,” Cisco remarks from his seat at the console next to Caitlin. “The speed of sound has nothing on him anymore.”

Barry tries to return the grin his friend shoots him, but it probably falls flat. The notion that he could scare them is unsettling. “I’m sorry, Caitlin.”

She smiles again, a bit less strained this time, and shakes her head. “It’s fine.”

“You really like to zip around these days.” Cisco seems both bemused and oddly delighted by this prospect. Barry can’t help but feel a familiar fondness for his friend rise in his chest and wonders how long their fascination would last before his restlessness would start to get on their nerves. Most of the Rogues hate it when he appears out of nowhere, and he gets why, but it is just difficult to stop himself at times.

It usually isn’t as bad when he is around Len…

“It’s nice not to be locked up,” he agrees absentmindedly as a nagging concern for his friends start to cling to him again.

It takes him a moment to notice the sudden silence, and when he turns back to his friend and sees the shift in their expressions, he realizes what he has just said. He immediately feels bad for it.

So stupid…

“I’m sorry-”

“No,” Caitlin cuts him off and meets his gaze firmly. “There’s nothing for you to apologize, Barry.”

She looks sad again. She has done so a lot since he arrived the day before, and he hates himself a little bit for causing this.

It hasn’t taken Barry long to realize that his return is not only a source of joy for his friends, and the notion that he could cause them grief just by being here again is daunting. They try not to let it on, but he isn’t blind.

“It’s alright,” Cisco agrees before he pulls a face and amends. “Well, not exactly _alright_ alright because, you know…” The young scientist frowns and looks generally very ill at ease. The glare Caitlin shoots him is probably not helping.

“I mean, things between us are alright,” he finally clarifies. “We’re good, man. We’re all happy you’re back again.”

Caitlin nods in agreement, and Barry feels a deep gratitude for these two, for his friends.

He has missed them so badly during his time in the facility and also afterwards. They haven’t known each for that long before his abduction but he has quickly formed a deep connection to them, much easier than he usually does with people, the only exception being Iris. It is probably partly due to them understanding him better than most, as the three of them are pretty much in the same boat thanks to the particle accelerator explosion.

Barry likes to think that it isn’t just that, though.

“I missed you.” He tells them honestly and is a bit caught off-guard by how coarse his voice sounds.

“Oh Barry.” Caitlin looks like she is also close to tears all of a sudden and steps closer to him before she stops herself again when he tenses up in response.

They have hugged before. When Barry arrived, Caitlin has pulled him into an embrace, but has quickly realized that something was wrong and that he didn’t feel comfortable. She is quite observant when it comes to these things.

“I’m sorry,” he says again softly because he really is. Sorry and angry for being damaged enough that he can hardly bear his friends touching him in what is nothing more than a friendly and comforting way.

“Don’t be.” Caitlin smiles a bit sadly. “Things will get better, Barry, it will just take time.”

“Yeah,” Cisco agrees. “Nobody expects you to be just like how you were before all of this started. As long as we have you back, you can take all the time you need to get back on track.”

“Thank you.” Barry swallows around the lump in his throat and gives both of them a grateful and probably rather watery smile.

It is nice to be with them again. It really is.

Again, Caitlin looks like she has to hold herself back to not step closer and give him a hug. She settles on another smile instead.

It is then, Barry remembers why he has initially come here.

“Have you found anything about Len and the others yet?” he asks Cisco who has promised him to look into it.

His friend frowns and shakes his head, causing a heavy disappointment to settle in the pit of Barry’s stomach. “Not yet, sorry.”

“I’ve to find them,” he tells them and starts to feel fidget again. He gnaws at his bottom lip and shifts his weight from one leg to the other before he makes a step back.

He needs to find Len.

He has been here for more than thirty hours already. This is a long time to hurt someone. He doesn’t want Len or Lisa, or any of the others to be hurt again.

Barry shivers at that notion.

“We will,” Caitlin assures him, and he doesn’t miss the wariness that has creeped back into her eyes. “It just takes some time, Barry.”

“And Felicity is also trying to locate them,” Cisco adds. “With her on our team, there is no chance that we won’t be able to find them.”

Felicity is an outstanding hacker, Barry knows that. She still wasn’t able to find him during his stay in the facility, though, and he doesn’t doubt that she tried to.

What if Len was back there again. Not at the place they escaped from and have levelled to the ground, but somewhere like it. There are other ones, he has learned as much.

“I don’t want them to get hurt again,” he tells them miserably.

He also wants to have Len back. All of them, really, but especially Len.

In a way it feels like he is currently missing a part of himself, the one that levels him, the one that makes him think that everything may not be perfect but is still alright.

As long as they are with each other they will be fine.

“I know,” Caitlin agrees quietly and studies him with a surprisingly understanding expression.

A brief but heavy silence settles in between them.

Barry feels restless, not that this is something new, and shifts his weight from one leg to the other once more as he tries to fight the urge to run.

“You know,” Caitlin starts and causes him to focus back on her. “I actually was about to get you anyway. I would like to examine you.”

“Examine,” he repeats warily.

“It will be very quick,” she assures him. “You don’t even have to lay down.”

A familiar fear settles over Barry like a heavy blanket as her words really sink in.

Caitlin wanted to examine him yesterday already, after he and Thawne arrived in S.T.A.R. labs, but he stubbornly refused, and Thawne told her to leave him be for now and that he should rest instead.

He shivers.

“You can sit on a chair instead of the examination table,” Caitlin adds and eyes him concerned as he starts to hug himself.

“I don’t like exams.” He whines as he makes a step back, away from her. “I’m fine.”

There is no reason to examine him. He isn’t sick. He never gets sick these days…

“Barry,” Caitlin says his name in a soft and comforting manner. “I won’t hurt you. You’re safe here.” She steps closer to him again, slowly and without breaking eye-contact. “I’ll just do a couple of scans, make sure that everything is as it should be.”

He frowns and is about to decline when she goes on. “Joe will be livid with us when he learns that you’re back and we didn’t make sure that you’re really okay.”

The mention of Joe causes him to halt.

He would see Joe again. And Iris.

Eobard told him so.

Barry frowns and looks over to the door, half expecting to see his foster father appear there just then.

For some odd reason, he feels nervous. Scared.

He doesn’t want to upset them by how damaged he has become. The reactions of all the people he has met so far made it more than clear that his appearance unsettles them…

“I’ll make them sad,” he says quietly, more to himself than either of his two companions.

A heavy guilt settles over him, and he holds himself a bit firmer, feeling rather lost all of a sudden.

His eyes wander to his side, where Len should be.

There is nobody.

Barry swallows around the lump in his throat and wonders how it is possible to miss someone so much. Has it been the same early on after he got abducted? Die he miss Iris this much?

Probably. He thinks so at least.

Thinking back to his time in the facility is difficult. It is all fogged up, distorted in a way. There are emotions connected to that period of time, feelings more than actual memories. Dark, miserable feelings of pain and desperation, and Barry realizes that it is probably better that he can’t remember so much of it anymore.

“Barry.” Caitlin sounds hesitant, sad, and when he turns back to her, he can see the expression of sorrow on her face he has grown quite accustom to just over the couple of hours he has been back at S.T.A.R. labs.

“Joe has missed you so much,” she goes on. “Iris too. They will be overjoyed to have you back. You don’t need to worry about that.”

Barry wishes that she is right. He really does. The small voice in the back of his mind tells him that it probably won’t be the case, though. Not really, at least.

He is damaged, he is changed, and even with how distorted his perception from the world around him is at times these days, he does understand how daunting such a thing can be for people who knew him before all of this started.

“You’ve a little namesake to proof it,” Cisco adds, and when Barry looks over to him, he notices the worry in his friend’s eyes despite his effort to appear upbeat.

“That’s right,” Caitlin agrees and smiles as well, less strained than before. “You’ve a nephew.”

“I know,” he agrees, which seem to surprise both of them, and he elaborates. “I saw her post on Facebook.”

“Oh.” Cisco sounds as surprised about this as Caitlin looks, and Barry wonders why.

A brief silence settles between them that isn’t exactly uneasy, but it isn’t comforting either.

“Barry,” Caitlin starts again somewhat hesitant. “You and the Rogues escaped from the laboratories about a year ago, didn’t you?”

Barry frowns as he thinks about it. Time is an odd concept for him these days. In the facility days quickly started to flow into each other as it was difficult to keep track of them as he usually was either locked into a cell without windows or strapped to a chair in a lab that didn’t offer any view of the outside either.

After they escaped, he noticed the passing of time, he didn’t really keep up with the exact dates of the days, but he could see the change of seasons and when holidays came around.

“Yeah.” He finally nods, giving his friend a somewhat uncertain look. “About a year.”

Caitlin frowns for a second, but the expression is quickly replaced by one of worry again. For a moment she seems about to asks something, but she doesn’t in the end and instead gives him another gentle but also tired looking smile. “I know that you don’t like medical procedures, but you know me and that I would never hurt you, don’t you?”

She actually waits for him to answer and despite his aversion to examinations, he finds himself giving her a somewhat reluctant nod.

Caitlin is his friend, she wouldn’t hurt him, he still knows that even now.

“Good.” She gives him another exhausted smile. “And you trust me, right?”

Barry frowns and shifts his weight nervously from one foot to the other, glancing over at Cisco as if to ask him for guidance what to do now. He doesn’t want to be examined…

“Barry.” Caitlin’s voice causes him to look back at her, meeting her pale blue eyes. “You don’t need to be afraid of anything happen to you while we are around, okay? I and Cisco are going to make sure that nobody will hurt you.”

“That’s right,” Cisco agrees quickly, sitting up more straight in his chair. “We will be the Anakin and Obi-Wan to your Padme.”

Caitlin shoots their friend a look at this, clearly not pleased with his allegory. Barry can’t help but smile, though.

“I don’t like injections,” he then tells the doctor who turns back to him with a surprised and slight hopeful expression. “And I don’t like being cut open.”

He hates being cut open. He hates it. The pain, the helplessness, the hopelessness, all of it…

“Jesus…” Cisco sounds horrified, and when Barry looks over to him, he seems slightly sick.

“I won’t do that,” Caitlin assures him with a concerned and unhappy frown, and he feels bad for it, for causing her worries, but he has to make sure.

“Or cut anything off,” Barry adds, reluctantly. A part of him knows that it is stupid to even say this out loud. She would never do this, she is a good doctor, but there is still a part in him who just has to make sure that she understands. “I don’t like scalpels.”

Or acid, or needles, or the little pads they connect to his skin to make sure how much voltage he can withstand, or-

“I’ll never do any of that to you.” His friend looks pale now, and her expression has become daunt and grief-stricken. “There is no reason for you to worry that these kind of things could happen to you here. I won’t allow it.” There is a certainty to the way she says this that puts Barry a bit at ease.

He frowns and gnaws nervously at his lower lip as he watches Caitlin, reluctant to agree but also aware of how much this has to mean to his friend.

“Can I keep stand?” he asks in a small voice, hugging himself a bit tighter. If he keeps standing, it would be easier for him to get away if…

Caitlin hesitates for a second, clearly not happy about his request, but she still nods in the end. “That’s alright. But I need you to come over to the examination table for this.”

The examination table that is in the middle of the lab is no stranger to Barry. Caitlin examined him a number of times on it before. It really has no right to looks as sinister as it does.

He shudders and closes his eyes for a second to fight off the panic that tries to get a hold of him.

It would be easier if Len was here, or even Lisa or Hartley.

“C-can Cisco come along?” he asks in a faint, slightly trembling voice and looks over to his friend who is still sitting behind the control center.

Cisco seems surprised about this request, as does Caitlin, but neither of them protests.

“Sure thing, buddy.” His friend gives him a tensed but honest enough smile and gets up to join them.

Being examined by Caitlin isn’t as bad as it was to be examined by Dr. Danielle or any of the other scientists at the facility. It still is a horribly daunting experience, though, and he is so tensed up that Caitlin has to repeatedly ask him to try and relax or remind him to breath, especially as she connects a number of pads to his upper body to monitor his heart and other vital signals.

Thankfully, she is much more patient than any of the doctors at the facility have ever been, and she doesn’t threaten him with any dire repercussions should he not stop being difficult.

Instead, she pauses and gives him time to calm down again, while Cisco let him hold his hand in a grip that has to be quite painful judging by how strained his friend’s expression becomes after a while. Barry really wants to apologize to him, to both of them, but he has enough trouble to keep himself from hyperventilating and vibrating badly enough that Caitlin would be unable to do any of the examinations.

They also don’t reprimand him when he starts to cry silently after Caitlin makes her fourth attempt to measure his blood pressure, and he feels guilty but ridiculously relieved when they finally break the examination off just after about ten minutes when it becomes clear that they couldn’t get any clear readings that way due to how increasingly upset he grows.

“Sorry,” he apologizes as Caitlin pulls off the small pads that are connected to his upper body.

“It’s alright,” she assures him kindly, and he quickly zips over to the entrance of the lab the moment the last pad is gone from his skin.

He is trembling, feeling a bit lightheaded and sick, and he digs his fingers into the doorway as he pressed his forehead against the cool material.

He wants Len to be here. Why isn’t he here?

A soft sob passes his lips, and he squeezes his eyes shut.

Someone comes up next to him, he senses it but can’t bring himself to move and look.

“Hey.” Cisco speaks in soft and soothing voice, the concern plainly audible. “Everything is alright, Barry. You’re alright.”

“I want Len to be here,” Barry utters before he sobs again and presses his forehead nearly painfully hard against the doorframe. “Why isn’t he here? He promised he wouldn’t leave me…” Another sob, a more forceful one, and then something just seems to break inside his chest and he starts to cry miserably.

He hates being examined, he hates having Len and the others not around. He hates not knowing what is going on. He hates being helpless!

Why does everything has to be so difficult all the time?

Cisco says something, but Barry doesn’t listen. He has his eyes squeezed shut and tries to shut everything around him out.

Then there is a slight pull at the back of his mind again, like someone is tugging at an invisible part of him, he stills.

A moment later the sound of steps can be hurt accompanied by voices.

He isn’t sure how, but he is certain that one of them has to be Jay.

How odd…

Not even a minute later Jay, Dr. Stein, and Eobard arrive at the entrance.

No, not Eobard… this man doesn’t…

Barry frowns, still holding on to the doorway like his life is depending on it, so much so that his fingers have actually started to hurt, and shifts his head slightly, so that he can eye the three man better who have now stopped in front of the entrance and watch him with a mixture of confusion, bewilderment, and concern in return.

“You’re not Eobard,” he blurts out to the man who stands closest to him.

The man, the Not-Eobard, frowns.

“Indeed,” he returns drily, but there is a slight uncertainty to how he watches Barry that belies his seemingly calm appearance.

“What is going on?” Jay asks, stepping closer to him but looking to Caitlin Cisco.

Barry doesn’t pay him too much mind as he asks the stranger with the familiar face. “Are you a Dr. Wells?”

The man studies him for a moment before he nods. “I am. And I take it that you’re Barry Allen.”

Barry nods quietly, suddenly feeling tired.

“I’m hungry.”

Dr. Wells aches his eyebrows at that, obviously surprised by this reply.

“I can get you something to eat,” Cisco piques up, and Barry turns his head to look back at him.

“Has he eaten anything so far today?” Dr. Stein asks, probably talking to Caitlin.

“I wasn’t hungry till now,” he explains and turns to face the other man again. “I don’t need to eat anymore.”

This causes both Dr. Stein and Dr. Wells to frown skeptically.

“You don’t need to eat?” Jay sounds more concerned than skeptical. Barry nods and pries his fingers off the doorway before he lets his hands drop to his sides while he lets his head still rest against the cool metal.

“What do you mean by this?” Caitlin steps closer to him but he feels too tired to move and look back to her.

“I don’t need to eat,” he repeats and shrugs slightly.

“In that case,” the new Dr. Wells cuts in,” how are you keeping your metabolism stable?”

“Don’t know.” Barry shrugs again and reaches up to rub his eyes that are still wet from tears. “They stopped giving me food, and I didn’t die.”

An uncomfortable silence follows, but he hardly pays any mind to it.

Len usually holds him when he has been crying. He would rub his back and tell him that everything is fine, and Barry would believe him.

It is hard to do so now that Len isn’t around.

“I can order pizza,” Cisco offers, sounding uneasy and tense.

“I think that’s a good idea,” Jay agrees, and Barry doesn’t need to look to feel him step closer. “Maybe you should lay down and rest for a bit till the food arrives.”

“Len isn’t here,” he murmurs and frowns unhappily. “I can’t rest without him. I can’t stop remembering when he isn’t there.”

Fresh tears start to well up in his eyes and he sniffles.

“This Len is one of them people who have been held captive with you?” Dr. Wells asks.

“Yeah.” Barry glances over to him. “They’re my friends.”

The other man frowns and cocks his head slightly to one side, eying him curiously. “They’ve been with you when you got captured again?”

Barry swallows around the lump in his throat and hugs himself.

“I don’t know,” he replies quietly. “I don’t… I think someone attacked me…”

He squeezes his eyes shut and shudders.

Thinking back to how he got taken again makes his head hurt. He remembers lying on the couch, reading something, a magazine or a book, the others weren’t there, and then there was suddenly someone next to him and he couldn’t move. After that everything turned dark…

“I don’t know,” he repeats and grits his teeth, angry at himself for being captured, angry at Len and the others for not being here while he is so damn worried for them at the same time. “I need to find them…”

“I’ve told you that we will help you with finding your friends, Mr. Allen.”

Barry tenses up, and so does everybody else in the room as Eobard seems to suddenly appeared out of nowhere next to Jay, who is quite startled by the unexpected presence next to him.

He shivers and finally steps away from the doorway, so that he is facing the other speedster.

“There is no reason for you to worry about them so much,” Eobard goes on with a pleasant smile that makes Barry want to get away from him again. “You should try and concentrate on recovering instead.”

“So that he can get himself killed for you to get back to your own time?” Jay sounds reproachful, angry, but Barry doesn’t miss the slight fear that lingers in his eyes as he meets Eobard’s gaze.

“You should have more faith in the Flash,” Eobard replies with a bemused smirk. “Contrary to you, Mr. Garrick, he is someone who will truly be capable to control the speed force and use it to archive marvelous things people will still speak off in more than a millennium from now.”

“You cannot know for sure whether your plan will really work,” Dr. Wells points out with a grim expression, and Barry notices the disgust with which he is watching his doppelganger.

“I know the history of this world,” Eobard replies calmly, but there is some unspoken threat to his words as he steps closer to Dr. Wells who seems to fight the urge to step back. “I know the history of _many_ worlds. Yours included, and I know the history of you and your family, and how you’ll be responsible for so much tragedy that even I can’t but pity you and every unlucky soul who has been born in relation to you.”

“Maybe,” the doctor admits. “Maybe you did, but history as you’ve known it has changed and you’re just as clueless as the rest of us when it comes to where things will go from here.”

Eobard’s smile slips off his face and is replaced by an eerily calm expression as he studies the man in front of him.

“I told you before that you hold no meaning to me, Dr. Wells,” he finally says, and Barry watches how he slowly lifts a hand which actually causes Dr. Wells to flinch back this time.

Jay is suddenly in front of the doctor, pushing him back and meeting Eobard’s eyes angrily.

“I think you’ve messed time up enough as it is, Thawne,” he reminds him sharply. “I doubt that any timeline can handle any more of your rash decision maaakkkk-”

Barry feels how time slows down, something he has grown quite accustom over the last two years, and he watches how Eobard reaches for Jay, moving much too fast for any ordinary human being, but still at a rather leisurely pace for a speedster. Thus it isn’t difficult for Barry to get there and pull Jay away, out of the reach of the other man.

It is a bit creepy when he notices that Eobard may isn’t following him but is still keeping up with him with his eyes and watching him with an unsettling curious expression.

“-ing,” Jay ends and freezes. He gives Barry a startled look before a grim expression replaces it and he turns back to Eobard with a scowl.

“You’ve come quite a way since the last time you’ve put the mantle of the Flash on,” Eobard remarks and reaches up to one of his eyes. Barry nearly bristles when he realizes that is the one he actually took the day before, but instead of a gaping whole there is a familiar blue eye looking back at him.

He doesn’t stay surprised for all that long, though as he reminds himself that he has regrown his eyes and other parts a number of time, and that this seems to be something all speedsters can do.

What unsettles him, is the notion of having done this act at all.

Barry has killed many people, out of necessity. He needed to escape, and he needed to protect, and while he is aware that this man, this Eobard Thawne, is not the Dr. Wells he has grown to trust and like – this Dr. Wells never really existed, after all – it still doesn’t sit well with him that he hurt him like this.

He doesn’t like hurting people. He knows what it means to be in pain, he doesn’t want others to feel like this, and he especially doesn’t want to be the one causing it.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you like this,” Barry explains quietly and shivers. “You attacked me. You scared me…” He hugs himself again, making a step back, away from the other speedster who is now no longer watching him with a curious expression but looking surprised and somewhat annoyed.

“I don’t like being hurt,” he goes on and shivers again.

Something close to anger flashes through Eobard’s eyes but before he is able to say something, Caitlin cuts him off, causing Barry to glance over to her. He is surprised to see that she is actually walking over to them.

“I think it would be best for Barry to grab something to eat and try to get some actual rest.” She meets Eobard’s gaze with a nearly pleading look. “He has been through so much. He needs time to recover.”

“We settled on ordering pizza already, anyway,” Cisco adds as he joins them as well. “I’ll just take him to the longue, I think it will probably be easier for him to relax there than in any of the offices.”

Eobard eyes both of them quietly, a cool expression on his face before some of the tension seems to leave his shoulders and he agrees. “That’s fine.”

Barry looks between him, Caitlin, and Cisco and can’t help but feel confused.

“Come, Barry,” Cisco steps closer to him and gives him a tight smile. “Let’s get you some food and some rest. I’ll grab my laptop, and we can start to catch up on the last couple of seasons of _Big Bang Theory_.”

“Okay,” he agrees, not really sure what else to do and partly relieved that he could get away from the other speedster.

He still feels quite exhausted, emotionally much more so than physically, and as he follows Cisco out of the lab, he wonders once again what has happened to Len and the others and hopes that they are alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter, it was quite an enjoyable write for me, to be honest. :)
> 
> So, yay, Caitlin and Cisco got some showtime, as did a couple of other familiar faces. :3
> 
> And Eobard is a creepy jackass again, but of course...
> 
> Thanks for reading, till next time!


	8. Fear And Reproach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry is hiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been edited by the amazing (and ridiculous quick) Obsessed! Thank you for your great work, sweetheart! :)

Barry is nervous.

Nervous and _scared_.

And he hates to feel like this. He never liked it, but since the facility…

He pulls his legs a big closer and rests his head upon his knees, gnawing on his lower lip as he listens to the silence around him. He is currently sitting in a dark office in one of the upper floors of S.T.A.R. labs, hiding himself away from the world.

It is nice to be able to hide.

At the facility he wasn’t able to do so. They always knew where he was, and they were always able to fetch him.

He started to duck away into empty rooms a lot since they’ve escaped from that horrible place. It bothered Len at first, not knowing where he was, but he seemed to have come to an understanding by now…

Barry squeezes his eyes shut and wishes again for the other man to be here.

 Even with how difficult it is to see things clearly at times these days, he knows that this would probably not help with what he is hiding from.

He doesn’t even understand why he is here, sitting in the darkness, nervous and afraid.

He should be happy.

He knows that.

Barry swallows around the lump in his throat and tightens the embrace around his legs, trying to make himself as small as possible.

Maybe they would leave if he stayed away long enough…

That’s so horrible of him.

He is so _horrible_.

He is a murderer… and broken.

Iris and Joe don’t deserve to have to deal with him. It was so stupid of him to want to see them again in the first place…

They are happy. Iris is a mom, and she is married to Eddie, and they have a little boy.

He would make things just painful for them all over again…

Barry isn’t stupid, he knows how wrong he is, how much they broke him and how he hasn’t been able to put himself really back together so far.

What would they think if they saw him like this? What would they say if they know about Len?

Barry hisses softly, angry at himself for getting himself into this situation, for causing himself and these people he holds so dear unnecessary pain.

Joe didn’t want him to become the Flash, he knew that this could only end badly, and Barry didn’t listen. Because he is an idiot…He wants Len.

He misses him so badly right now.

It is likely that Len would make this situation only worse, but Barry doesn’t care, if he had the other man at his side he wouldn’t be such a coward. Len always helps him to calm down and face his fears.

… and he _isn’t_ here.

Barry sniffles and let go of his elbow with one hand to rub his eyes, annoyed at himself for crying, for being so weak.

They are probably already here, downstairs, confused and hurt that he is hiding from them.

Joe, Iris, and Eddie.

… and _little_ Barry.

The thought that Iris is a mother now is still somewhat odd to him. He is glad for her and Eddie but…

He frowns and shakes his head, not wanting to go there in his mind.

After all this time he is no longer jealous or really wishes for Iris to have chosen him.

He has Len now, and he wouldn’t give him away for anything.

… but he still slightly hurt, and he feels ashamed of it. Ashamed and angry.

Angry at himself and life in general.

Barry sniffles again and bites down on a sob.

This is so stupid. Self-pity isn’t getting him anywhere. It never has and never will, but he can’t help but hate how things went.

Not only that he was captured and put into that horrible place, but that he let Iris slip through his fingers.

He bites down hard on his lower lip again and curses himself silently.

He can’t think like that. He hasn’t only lost things, he has also gained something and thinking like this only makes things worse…

All of this is so much to deal with, though. Suddenly being back here, in Central City, and without Len and the others… it has been alright so far but now, knowing that he would actually see Iris and Joe again…

What if they wouldn’t want him back?

A sob forces itself out of his chest, and Barry squeezes his eyes shut again while pressing his forehead against his knees.

He wants to go home, he wants to go home so badly, but he isn’t even sure where home really is these days. It’s not really a place anymore, and even before all of this he considered Iris and Joe much more home than Joe’s house.

Now it would probably be Len.

… who isn’t here.

“Damn it…” Barry grits his teeth as he is faced once again with the ugly reality that the people who went through the same like him, who understand him, who _are_ like him, are no longer there.

Cisco hasn’t found them so far, not that this surprises him. Even if they aren’t locked away somewhere again, Barry knows that the Rogues have become very good at keeping unwanted attention away. Len is good at keeping them safe, and the worst thing is that Barry doesn’t know whether Len would actually want to come after him even if they are still on free foot.

Barry is self-aware enough in clear moments like this one, when the fog that engulfs his mind most of the times has receded, that he knows that he has to be a bother. Even with what a potential asset he is, he is unstable, and not all of the Rogues are happy with him being around.

Maybe they’ve decided that they are better off without him there?

Or maybe, right now, they are strapped down a research table again, being cut open and treated like they aren’t actual humans anymore...

The notion causes him to shudder, and he curls up even more as he tries to make himself small enough that he could just hide himself away from the world around him-

The soft noise of the entrance to the office being opened cuts through the quietness of the room, and bright light falls from the corridor outside.

Barry holds his breath, and feels a familiar fear settle over him.

They’ve found him…

He shudders again, feeling sick to his stomach all of a sudden.

It is hard to keep the presence apart from the past, and for a second he is no longer sure of where he is or who  could have come here to get him.

For a speedster, a second is a horrible long time…

There is a moment of silence, and Barry watches the silhouette of the person at the door that is falling on the wall behind the desk he is currently hiding under.

It doesn’t look like Dr. Danielle. That is good. Barry doesn’t want her to get him.

Even as a part of his mind tries to provide him that this couldn’t be Dr. Danielle, that he _killed_ her, he can’t help but feel outright terror settle over him.

He doesn’t want to be here. He wants to be with Len. He wants Len. He wants Len. He wants Len! He-

The person starts to move, and Barry presses his forehead against his knees again, curling up into a ball once again.

He is alone…

The steps come closer, and the door closes again, causing the darkness to return. He wonders whether he would end up killing someone again-

“Barry?”

The voice doesn’t belong to Dr. Danielle or any of the other scientific staff of the facility. It doesn’t belong to any of the guards he has come to know either, but it is still familiar.

“Hey,” Jay says in a low, nearly soothing sounding voice, and Barry moves his head very slightly so that he can glance over towards the man who has crouched down next to the office desk. It is a bit confusing to see him, but also a relief.

“You needed a break?” Jay asks after a brief silence passed by.

He doesn’t sound angry. That is good.

“I’m hiding,” Barry provides, starting to feel oddly detached again from his own body. The other man hums softly as if to tell him that he can see that. “You found yourself a good place for it.”

“It’s dark,” he points out.

“It is,” Jay agrees and sounds both amused and somewhat sad. “But it doesn’t look very comfortable.”

Barry shrugs. “That’s alright.”

He hardly is these days, anyway.

An unexpected memory forces its way up front of his mind, then. Him lying on old but cozy couch, his head resting on Len’s lap, and Len slowly runs his fingers through his hair while reading some magazine. Lisa is there as well, sitting on the table not too far off so that Barry can watch her, Mick, and Roy play a game of poker…

“You want to tell me what made you hide up here?”

Barry frowns and blinks, confused about where he is for a second and somewhat reluctant to let that nice memory go. Seeing that Jay is there, who has been really nice to him so far, he forces himself to get his focus back on the now again.

“’m scared,” he finally says, somewhat reluctantly. He watches the other man frown and even in the faint light of the dark office he notices that he doesn’t seem surprised.

“Because of the meeting with your family?” Jay sits down onto the ground next to him, and Barry is relieved that he doesn’t sound accusing or angry.

He nods slightly and turns his head enough so that he can rest his cheek on his knee.

“I don’t want to hurt them,” he elaborates before he hesitates for another second. He makes an unhappy face and averts his eyes. “I don’t want them to hate me.”

“They won’t hate you.” Jay sounds so certain.

“I’m… I’m not like before.” Barry’s voice is trembling slightly. “I’m _broken_. I did a lot of… of really awful things.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “I k-killed… so many people.”

He can still feel his hand move through their chests or their heads, feel how their blood clung to his hand, how it started to itch after some while…

Len said that he had to do this, that he didn’t had another choice but…Barry wonders whether this is true at times.

Killing should never be a way to resolve things, no matter how awful… at least he wants to think so…

Jay stays silent for a long moment, and while Barry doesn’t look at him, he can feel that the other man is unsure how to reply.

“You were put into a situation nobody should have to deal with,” Jay finally says, and there is a heaviness to how he speaks that hasn’t been there before. He sounds tired. “Killing is not right, and it should never be a way to deal with things, but these people there did get you to a point where you saw yourself left with no other choice. What they did to you and the others they kept there was wrong, it was _inhuman_ , and no one is going to hold against you how you got yourself out of there.”

Jay is right in a way. These scientists there, Dr. Danielle and all the others, treated them in the most horrible ways...

But they were still humans. They probably had families, friends, someone who loved them.

And Barry took them away from them.

“I’m not a monster,” he croaks and speaking hurts because of the lump in his throat.

“Len said I’m not.” He sniffles again and rubs his eyes, not surprised to feel the familiar wetness of tears there. “I’m not…”

But would Joe see that so as well?

Would Iris?

Would they be afraid of him?

He bites down on a sob and grips a handful of his hair, painfully hard.

Lashawn, Marco, and Frances are afraid of him. Hartley sometimes too, as is Roy.

Barry hates it when they look at him with fear in their eyes. It makes him angry and sad all at the same time. He doesn’t want to be a bad guy; someone people are scared of. He wants to help people, not hurt them… he isn’t a monster…

“You aren’t,” Jay agrees, and he sounds so earnest about it, like he somehow knows it to be a fact. “I don’t really know you that well myself but from what I’ve learned from your friends and from the little I’ve seen so far myself, you seem like someone with a good heart who is anything but a monster.”

It is nice to hear the other man say this, reassuringly so.

And while it doesn’t stop the doubt, it helps a bit.

Barry ducks his head a bit more, so that he can hide his face because he doesn’t want Jay to see him cry. He knows that it makes people uncomfortable, even Len at times.

“Your friends love you very much,” Jay goes on, voice low and soothing. “They’re worried about you, and probably not sure how to deal with this anymore than you are, but they are definitely grateful to have you back.”

“I miss them,” Barry whimpers before he is cut off by a sob. He wants them back, he wants his family back, but he is afraid that he would break them by accident. “I don’t want them to hate me.”

“They don’t.” The other man sounds so sure. “They’re just as scared and worried as you’re now, Barry, but they are still downstairs waiting for you because they love you and want you back.”

There is suddenly a very faint tug at the back of his mind, a slightly tingling sensation, and it confuses and alarms Barry for a split-second. Then a hand settles on his shoulder, big and warm, and he shudders as something like electricity seems to briefly pass via the touch. Jay freezes just as he does, and Barry notices once again that he felt him move somehow.

It is an odd feeling but also slightly comforting.

Barry reaches for the other man’s hand and covers it with his own. He looks back to him and notices how tensed Jay seems for a moment as their eyes meet before he slowly starts to relax again.

“Thank you,” Barry croaks and gives the hand on his shoulder a light squeeze.

Jay nods with a small but warm smile. “Of course.”

“I want to see them,” Barry says quietly. “I miss them so much.”

“They are downstairs and waiting for you,” Jay reminds him gently.

It is still scary to think that he would finally be reunited with them, it has been so long since he saw them in person the last time. The notion is no longer as intimidating, though.

“Will you come with me?” Barry asks and firms his grip on Jay’s hand. “Please.”His request seems to surprise the other man a bit, but to his relief he still nods. “Of course.”

“Thank you,” Barry smiles faintly and closes his eyes for a second as some of the fear and doubts start to ease away.

***

S.T.A.R. labs.

Iris hates this place with a vigor it even surprises herself at times.

As she stands outside in the cool night air and looks up the big building that seems like a cold towering colossus, she can’t help but wish that somehow the ground it stands on would open up and swallows it whole, extinct all trace of this miserable place as if it had never been there in the first place.

She shivers and pulls her coat a bit tighter around herself.

She would give a lot for a cigarette right now. She hasn’t felt the urge for a smoke this badly in a long while, not since after she learned she was pregnant with Barry…

Barry…

Her little source of sunshine has nodded off in his dad’s arms briefly before she left to clear her head a bit. He has felt that somewhat isn’t alright and has been fuzzy the whole afternoon which was completely unusual for her little baby boy. He is such a good child, always happy and smiling…

Like his namesake has been…

Barry…

Iris closes her eyes and turns her face towards the wind, enjoying the biting cold and ignoring the heat of the tears that have tried to her overpower since she learned of Barry’s return. She didn’t put mascara on today, or really any make-up at all, but she doesn’t doubt that Eddie and her dad will still pick up on the fact that she has been crying. Not that she has to hide it from them, but  she hates to worry them so much.

Especially her dad. It is difficult enough for him to deal with the fact that Barry is back. That his surrogate son is not dead as they all have been made to believe for nearly two years by now.

And she hates S.T.A.R. labs for this. All of it, everything it stands for, and especially the people in it who lied to their faces about Barry for so long.

She trusted Caitlin and Cisco. After they told her that Barry had been the Flash, she thought that there would be no more lies between them… how stupid of her.Then again, she probably didn’t make them think that she would really appreciate Barry coming back.

Iris squeezes her eyes shut and covers her mouth with a hand, fighting down a sob as she thinks back to the first couple of months after she learned of Barry being the Flash.

She has been hurt, understandably so, and nobody ever held it against her, but she could have dealt with her anger better. Especially around her father, who she even got to pull away from her – from _anybody_ really – till her pregnancy.

Having learned so shortly before this that Barry, her best friend, was in love with her, had been so for _years_ , had made it so much more difficult to deal with another secret he kept from her. She has been furious, and for a very short time she started to hate him for this, for lying to her all this time, for not trusting her…

It was during her pregnancy, after she let Eddie talk her into seeing a psychiatrist, that she made her peace with the truth that she was only hurting herself and the people around her this way, and that she only was hiding behind that awful emotion to not deal with the fact that Barry was dead…

That he left her…

Iris grits her teeth and clenches her fists.

Or that she left him behind.

She did so a long while ago, she knows now.

Even without Barry telling her, she _knew_ , she always knew how he really felt about her. She turned a blind eye on it, but she knew…

They’ve been too close _not_ to…

“You probably should go inside again, _Mrs. Thawne_. It is quite cold out here.”

Iris nearly jumps out of her skin and a ball of anger starts to settle in the pit of her stomach when she turns around to face Eobard Thawne.

That bastard gets a kick out of doing this, sneaking up on her and nearly scaring the bejesus out of her.

“I think I can handle the weather,” she replies curtly. “I would appreciate it if you could leave me alone for now, though.”

Eobard gives her an amused smirk, and she hates him for it. While she realizes that her hate for Barry wasn’t real, she knows that this isn’t the same for the bone-deep aversion she feels for this horrible man in front of her.

“Ah, so you prefer to stand out here in the cold and wallow in self-pity once more.”

“Leave!” She hisses at him and wishes she had the power to make him pay for what he did to her family, to Barry… to _their_ future.

“It has to hurt to know that he is hiding from you,” Eobard goes on as if she hasn’t said anything at all. “For how he run after you like a little dog and would have done anything for you, and now he doesn’t even want to face you.”Iris hates this man. She hates him with a passion that really scares her.

“You know nothing of me or my relationship with Barry,” she replies coolly, keeping the hurt out of her voice as good as she can.

He knows nothing. He is a _monster_ from another life he completely destroyed out of pettiness.

“On the contrary, my dear Mrs. Thawne, I know more about your relationship than you ever will.” Eobard smiles as he pushes his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “I know Barry better than you ever have and ever will. I did so even back in the original timeline, where things didn’t turn into such a mess.”

“And whose fault is that?” Iris asks acidly.

“I did make some mistakes,” Eobard agrees easily, and she would have loved to slap him because he has some nerves.

“Some mistakes?” she repeats incredulously before she huffs a laugh. “You ruined everything-”

“Now we are a bit unfair, aren’t we Mrs. Th-”

“Stop calling me _that_!” Iris hisses and regrets it the moment the words have left her mouth. It’s not Eddie’s fault that everything is so messed up or that a twisted descendant of his from another future is responsible for it. She knows that he feels already enough guilt over it, which is stupid but just like her husband, who is one of the nicest and most caring people she has ever met,  the notion that someone like Eobard could have spawned from him somewhere down the line is nearly ridiculous at times.

“Of course, _Iris_ ,” Eobard makes her name sound like it is something nasty. “As I was saying, you’re a bit unfair, seeing that you decided to keep Barry as your back-up plan. Keep the silly boy’s hopes up when we both know that you never were interested in using him as anything but a mean to push your own ego.”

Iris fights the tears of anger. She doesn’t want to cry in front of him, no matter whether it be due to sadness or fury.

“Barry Allen was supposed to become an outstanding hero, someone who can keep up with the greatest this century has to offer.” Eobard bores his gaze into her eyes and the cruel smile slowly disappears and is replaced by a grimace that comes closer to a snarl.

“Instead he turned into a weak, insecure little _nothing_! If I had known that being around _you_ would turn him into this, I would have taken him as my own from the very beginning!”

“Shut up!” Iris makes a step towards him, her fists clenched and shaking like the rest of her body as she is flooded by anger and hurt, and _hate_. “ _You’re_ the reason Barry changed, you set all of this into motion! You _ruined_ his life!”

Eobard glares at her, he looks like he is about to strike her, and she wonders how nobody else has realized by now that the answer to the mystery about the reason of why this damn speedster came back in time to kill Barry is so plainly in front of them every time they lay eyes on him.

A shunned lover, a stalker, someone whose fixation turned their _love_ into hurt and hate when they realized that their feelings would never be returned…Eobard Thawne is probably the most pitiful man she has ever met.

“The great Iris West,” Eobard taunts, and Iris has to keep herself from stepping back when he comes closer to her, sneering. “The _lightening rod_ of the Flash, his better half, the person who makes him whole. There has never been a doubt for anybody who knew of your love that you’re a big part that made Barry into the hero he was. There are tales of your love, they wrote soppy novels about you, made damn TV specials about your _disgusting_ love-story!” He actually barks a laugh then, and just for a second Iris thinks she sees actual pain in his eyes.

“You’re nothing, though,” Eobard goes on. “Nothing but a woman who made the Flash believe that he could never be anything but too little. You ruined him, and you ruined my way to get back to my own time.”

“I did no such thing.” Iris lifts her chin and meets the man’s glare stubbornly, despite knowing that she is playing with fire. “ _You_ killed his mother, _you_ took his childhood. Did you really expect that this wouldn’t change him? That there wouldn’t be scars left? He was just a little boy-”

“He was supposed to become the _Flash_ ,” Eobard cuts her off with a low and cold tone that causes her to shudder. “He was supposed to be _perfect_.”

“He’s still Barry,” she reminds him quietly which, to her surprise, causes some of the anger to leave his expression as he studies her wordlessly for a long and tense moment. She can’t help but wonder whether he regrets it, coming back to this time to kill Barry. He did succeed, after all. In a way, at least, and now he is forced to realized that Barry always was just like the rest of them. A human being.

“He is broken.”

The words take her aback for a moment before her surprise is replaced by outrage for her best friend.

“He isn’t,” she argues. “He is hurt due to what happened to him, and he needs time to heal but-”

“Shut up.” Eobard doesn’t raise his voice; he doesn’t need to. The way he is looking at her right now, with so much unspoken loath and disgust, makes it very clear to her that she better heeds his words.

The wind picks up, causing her to shudder, and she pulls her coat tighter around herself as she meets Eobard’s gaze in silence. She isn’t sure whether she wants to turn her back on him right now… not with how upset he seems.

Iris can’t help but notice the unfairness of it all, and it is so tiring…

The entrance door, that lays about ten feet from them, is opened, and she turns to see who is joining them. It is Eddie. She immediately picks up on the worried look he gives Eobard, and she wonders whether he can pick up on his descendant’s mood as well.

“Iris,” Eddie says to her but keeps his eyes on the other man. “Jay found Barry.” He finally looks over to her then. “They’re in the lab.”

Briefly, Iris feels like her knees would go weak. She fights it off, though, and makes her way over to her husband without giving Eobard another glance.

She feels nervous, nearly sickeningly so, and a part of her just wants to turn around and run. Hide from facing the consequences of what has been done to Barry.

She can’t allow herself these liberties, though, as she wants – _needs_ – to be there for him.

After what he has been through, Barry needs all the support he can get.

Eddie holds the door open for her as she enters-

“Iris.”

She halts and feels Eddie tense up next to her. Slowly, she turns slightly so that she can glance over her shoulder back outside.

Eobard watches her, and she can’t help but frown when she notices that he is smiling once more. It isn’t as nasty as before, but it isn’t exactly a nice smile either.

“It turns out that you aren’t that special either, after all.” Iris doesn’t know what he means, and she really doesn’t want to ask for clarifications. She has had enough of Eobard Thawne for one day.

For a lifetime, really…

Without another word, she looks away from him and steps into the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!
> 
> I wanted to write the meeting between Joe, Iris, and Barry in this one, and, as always, it wrote itself into a completely different direction. I'm still satisfied, though. I really like how Eobard turned out here, and we got some Iris as well!
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Till next time! <3


	9. Found Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry knows that it isn’t supposed to be like this. He wanted to be reunited with his family again, after all…
> 
> Things never really work out how he wants them to, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to my lovely beta Obsessed! You made this chapter a lot better! <3

Seeing them again is overwhelming.

Barry has missed Iris and Joe so much over his time away. During hours of pain and desperation he often tried to imagine what it would like to be reunited with them again, to get his family back and just forget about all the horrible things that were done to him… Reality is different than what he imagined, though.

Joe is watching him with such sad and haunted eyes, and it is nearly too much to stand.

He has hurt him. Barry knows that, he can see it as he looks at him right now, and this knowledge make him want to scream, or cry, or _run_.

He is broken. He knows that but…

Barry shivers and grits his teeth, angry at himself.

He can’t even let his surrogate father touch him.

Len always tells him that he’ll get better, that he’ll be alright again in the end but… he’s shattered, like glass, into sharp pieces that cut into him whenever he tries to put himself back together.

Oh god…

This was a horrible idea. He should have stayed away...

Joe looks so, so sad and hurt, and Barry hates that _he_ is responsible for it.

He shivers and tightens his self-hug, shifting nervously from one leg to the other as he meets  Joe’s gaze.

The examination table is like his own little fort, he can hide behind it, keep them at bay… The thought makes him feel like crying. He doesn’t want to be like that. He doesn’t want to be so damn damaged.

Cisco and Caitlin stand close-by, near the main console of the room, and both of them look so sad and worried too…

It’s him. He makes them sad, him being here makes them all _sad_!

He shudders.

It is all wrong. He wanted to see them again, he wanted for his life to be normal again and… it isn’t.

… it will never be.

It is a horrible revelation, one he tried to keep away from himself as good as he could.

He just wanted them back… why can’t he have that?

Dr. Stein is there as well, as is Ronny, both keeping back, behind Joe and closer to the entrance of the lab. There is a baby in Ronny’s arms, a small toddler who is sleeping, unaware of what is going on. Eddie gave it to the other man before he left, and Barry knows that it is Iris’ baby, but it’s all so _wrong_!

All of this is wrong-- it’s so wrong!

He shouldn’t feel like this, like he is caught and unable to escape because this is _his family_ , these are his friends! Why can’t he have this!?

Barry shudders again and glances around, growing more and more disorientated with the room he is currently in.

He is not captured, this isn’t a cell, this is a lab, at S.T.A.R. labs, he knows that…

Why does it feel like he is being held down, though? Why is it getting more and more difficult to breath?!

Can they see what’s happening to him? Does Joe see what has been done to him? Can he see the lines where they cut him open? They aren’t visible anymore, are they? His body heals so quickly these days, there can’t be any scars left, it’s been months and months since he was forced down onto a table and had them _dissect_ him… He shivers as a small groan escapes him at the same time.

He feels sick.

It’s getting so hard to breath. Why is it getting so hard to breath?

He wants to go home…

Where is his home, though? He thought it would be here, that everything would get better should he just be able to get here again, but it _isn’t_.

He wants Len to be here so badly. He wants to hide behind him, make him tell him that he is alright, that everything will be alright…

Something hot and wet runs down his cheeks, and he freezes for a second, scared of the unexpected sensation till he realizes that he is just crying…

Jay says something. The man stands closest to him, he followed him when Barry retreated behind the examination table but stopped far enough that it doesn’t really feel like he is crowding him…

He speaks to him, but Barry can’t understand what he says, the throbbing of his own pulse is too loud in his ears for him to do so.

Barry feels vulnerable and alone, and isn’t this just funny? He is surrounded by family and friends, and he is still like an island in the ocean, cut off from everyone around…

Then, Eddie appears at the entrance of the lab again as well as…

Iris.

Barry shivers, and blinks, hating how his tears make it difficult to see clearly, but he doesn’t need clear vision to know that this is Iris. _His_ Iris… No.

Not his Iris. Never his Iris…

His fingers dig into his ribs, hard enough that it hurts, and he feels a bit lightheaded again.

Iris is a mom now, she has a child, she is married to Eddie… Barry saw the photos, Dr. Danielle showed them to him. He saw how happy Iris looked, how happy everybody looked, and he was so glad…

Barry groans softly, squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head.

This is wrong.

A voice in his mind tells him that none of this was supposed to happen.

Iris was his lightning rod…

He doesn’t know what this means but…

They were meant to be together and now… Another shiver runs through him.

_That’s okay_ , he tries to tell the voice – the mean little voice – in his head. He has Len now.

Len is his connection to this world now.

_Len_ is his lightning rod.

The sensation of disorientation grows, and he shakes his head again which is stupid because it only makes it worse.

Barry blinks, causing more hot tears to run down his face, and he is pretty sure that his eyes have to look red and puffy again. They always do… it makes him look ugly, but Len never minds…

Len only holds him, tells him that he is alright…

Len who is hurting himself…

They all are hurting…

He groans again, low and soft and hardly notices that Iris has come closer.

Through the veil of tears, it is hard to see, but he knows that she is sad too. He just knows. He has known here for so long now that he always knows when she is sad or unhappy…

He makes her unhappy. He always does…

Barry feels a slight pull at the back of his mind and glances over to Jay, who has made a step towards him but stopped again.

It is odd how he feels the other man at times.

It’s the speed force, he knows that. All the speedsters are connected to it. Dr. Danielle told him once that he is special because there is nobody else like him, but she was wrong…

He is just one of many…

It’s nice. It means he isn’t alone… he is an island but there are other islands around him… they are all there… he isn’t alone… is he?

He doesn’t want to be alone…

Iris has gotten closer again. He blinks as he watches her stand nearly in front of the examination table.

She is so pretty… she has always been the prettiest girl, the most beautiful, kindest, and funniest woman…

Barry has missed her so much, he still does.

She is crying, he realizes.

He is making her cry.

No…

No, no, no _, no!_

_He doesn’t want to hurt her! Why is this happening!?_

Without thinking, Barry moves, and the lab is suddenly far away, all of the others are far away, and he is curled up in a dark corner of some dark room, and he has no idea where he is, but it doesn’t matter anyway as long as he isn’t hurting Iris or Joe anymore…

Why did he want to come back? He had to have known that he couldn’t have this again! He is just messing everything up even more, and now he made them cry…

He doesn’t want for them to hurt-

The air around Barry suddenly turns static, and for a moment his body feels like it is on fire. It is as if lightening is running through him, causing his skin to tingle so intensely that he is surprised that he doesn’t see sparks dancing across it.

Then, he is no longer alone.

There is another speedster standing in front of him, clad in black with glowing eyes, and for a brief moment which feels like eternity, they just watch each other.

He is powerful. Barry can feel the speed force oozing off this person, it is a nearly bizarre sensation.

The speedster seems to consider him, he seems curious, and Barry wonders whether this is Zoom, the man Jay told him about.

He does look scary, especially his mouth, and Barry ducks his head a bit while he pulls his knees closer, shivering.

While it is hard to say due to the marks, the stranger seems amused by his reaction, but only for a second before he cocks his head to the side, as if he was listening to something.

Then, just as quickly as he has appeared, he is gone again, and Barry is left feeling a bit dumbfounded.

He glances around slowly, confused, before suddenly the room is filled by another gush of wind, and another speedster is standing just where Zoom has been a moment before.

Someone clad in yellow…

_The man in yellow_ …

Barry makes a small protesting sound and curls up into a ball again, legs pulled close, and face pressed into his knees.

It is Eobard, the man in yellow is Eobard, the Not-Dr. Wells, he knows that, he knows that, he knows that-

The other man moves closer, silently, slowly, and Barry can more sense than hear him do so. “You’ve really grown fond of hiding, haven’t you?” Eobard asks as he crouches down in front of him.

Barry can’t help but glance at him warily. He remembers this mask… It looks just as ugly and scary as it did that night so many years ago, and the man himself is just as terrifying. He shivers slightly and pulls his legs even closer.

Eobard eyes him thoughtfully for a moment before he suddenly reaches up and pulls the ugly mask back. He looks grim and tired, and Barry can’t help but wonder whether he has also such problems to fall asleep at night.

“Your mask is ugly,” he blurts out and watches how Eobard studies him with an incredulous look in response.

“It’s based on yours,” the other man points out, but he doesn’t sound angry. Instead, he smirks slightly and sits down in front of him, onto the cold dirty floor of wherever they are now.

“Mine wasn’t ugly,” Barry argues and scowls slightly. His Flash mask looked awesome, the whole costume looked great, Cisco really outdid himself with it.

“Well, mine is supposed to be frightening.” Eobard shrugs.

Barry frowns. “Why?”

Eobard snorts and shoots him a look that seems both amused and… hurt?

“Because I wanted you to be afraid of me, Barry.”

This… doesn’t make sense.

Not that the man in front of him really has ever made sense to him so far. He still doesn’t understand why he did what he did.

“You killed my mom,” he says quietly.

Eobard doesn’t reply but keeps studying him quietly. Again, there is something odd in the way he is watching him, something that isn’t too different to how the others look at him before.

“Why?” he finally asks.

“Does it matter?” Eobard asks in return.

“I don’t know…” Barry lifts one hand to rub his forehead. “I killed a lot of people too…” He is pretty sure that some of them were parents as well.

“Dr. Danielle had a niece,” he goes on after he rests his cheek back on his knee and lets his gaze drift off to the darkness of the large hall around them. “She showed me picture of her.

She is a cute kid… Dr. Danielle said she got her niece ice cream too if she was good…” He shivers and tries to pull his legs a bit closer. “She was a good aunt, I’m sure her niece misses her.”

The little girl with the bright red hair and freckled nose and cheeks whose grin was bright and happy when the photo was taken the doctor showed him.

“Dr. Danielle was the head scientist of the program that experimented on you, wasn’t she?” Eobard asks, and Barry notices how clinical he suddenly sounds. He shoots him a brief glance and nods hesitantly.

“I guess.” He frowns. “She was nearly always there when they got me. She said I was her favorite.” He shudders at that memory and bites his lower lip.

“You killed her?”

Barry hums in agreement. Sometimes he thinks he can still feel how his hand moves through her flesh and bones…

It is odd to think how fragile humans really are. It does take hardly anything to end their lives...

“She hurt me,” he says quietly, not looking at the other man. “She made them cut me open and… do _other_ things. She tried to find the limit of my regeneration factor…”

He blinks and doesn’t bother to brush them away when tears start to run down his cheeks again.

“She did it to the others too, but… I think she liked me more because I’m more difficult to kill.” One of the other doctors compared him to a cockroach once… it was after they tried to find out how much radiation he could withstand. The memory still makes him sick, it has been one of the worst things they’d done to him there, his hair had fallen out and most of his skin had been burned due to the high radiation-

“I want to go home…” Barry squeezes his eyes shut.

“You are home.” Eobard sounds slightly annoyed now.

“I want Len…”

Home. Where is his home?

He doesn’t know anymore…

“Snart is a criminal,” Eobard reminds him coldly.

“He’s my friend,” he argues hoarsely and sniffles.

“Your family and friends are in Central City, right now. They’re waiting in S.T.A.R. labs, and they’re worried sick about you, Barry.”

“I d-don’t want to hurt them-”

“You already are,” the other man cuts him off harshly. “What happened to you can’t be undone and running away to hide doesn’t change that.”

“I hurt Iris and Joe,” he croaks around the lump in his throat. “I made them cry…”

“And you think running away will make things better?” Eobard scoffs, sounding nearly angry. “Don’t insult your own intelligence, you can’t be this stupid.”

Barry shudders and curls up more tightly again, sobbing softly.

His head hurts, as does his chest, and he wants all of this to go away. It is too much.

“Stop crying,” the other man hisses, suddenly sounding livid.

Barry hardly has time to lift his head before he is grabbed by his throat and pull upwards with his back pressed against the coarse wall behind him.

“You will not do this in front of me,” Eobard hisses, eyes glowing red. “Not while you wear _his_ face!” Barry doesn’t understand what the other man is talking about, not that he really cares. He is scared again, but this time the Eobard seems to expect his movement as he evades his hand in the last possible nanosecond and instead returns his favor from the day before.

The pain is searing, familiar, and horrible.

He cries out, pushing his hand blindly toward the other man who isn’t close enough for him to reach him anymore, and drops to his knees while pressing his hand against the bloody hole where his right eye has been a moment before.

“You’re nothing like him!” Eobard seethes viciously. “Your damaged beyond repair! I should have killed you as I initially planned! Just looking at you makes me _sick_!”

Barry trembles and pushes himself back against the wall, whimpering softly while he feels the eye in the still mostly empty socket start to regrow itself.

“I can’t believe I-”

Eobard is cut off when Lashawn and Len appear next to him out of nowhere. Lashawn is gone again just a moment later, and the space around them turns icy. It happens fast enough that it catches the other speedster off-guard, and the sudden immense decrease in temperature that would have likely killed any normal human, slows him down so that Len can punch him hard enough that he is knocked off his feet.

“Len!” Barry stumbles to his feet and towards his friend, confusion, disbelief, and relief sweeping over him like a massive wave, and while his right eye still hurts horribly, he hardly notices the pain. “ _Len!_ ”

Len doesn’t waste any time, he lifts his hand towards Barry, causing a layer of smooth ice grow up the wall behind him before he runs over to him, grabs him around his waist, and pulls him back to the makeshift mirror in which Sam is already waiting for them.

The sound of breaking windows cuts through the darkness of what Barry recognizes as an abandoned warehouse by now, and he was just about to step into the mirror dimension, Len’s arm still around him, when someone grabs his arm and yanks him back.

“Let go of him!” Firestorm commands, and Barry briefly feels like a doll two girls are fighting over and none is ready to let go.

“Fuck off!” Len bellows back and lifts his right hand-

“No!” Barry grabs it with his own free hand and pushes it back down. “Don’t, he’s a friend!”

Then he turns to the burning superhero with a pleading gaze. “Don’t fight, please! Len was just helping me!”

Firestorm frowns, the flames that have been angrily flickering at his head seem to calm down a bit, and while his grasp doesn’t let go of him, he stops pulling. “What’s going on here, Barry?”

“I-” Barry is cut off when Lisa suddenly steps out of the mirror next to him, grabs Firestorms wrist and dislocates his shoulder with one hard yank. The other man cries in agony and let go of him.

“No, Lisa-” He starts but is pulled back into the mirror before he can finish.

Travelling via the mirror verse isn’t too bad when you prepare yourself. This isn’t the case now, though, and Barry feels like he is tumbling through space without any sense of up or down.

He would likely have crashed to the ground should Len not have still held onto him for which he is grateful as his head is hurting bad enough as it is. The sickness is overwhelming despite his friend’s help, though, and he starts to retch and throw up the moment they are out the other side.

“Shhh.” Len helps him onto the ground, so that he can knee, and starts to rub his back in a familiar and soothing way. “Just calm down, baby. You’re safe.”

“Fuck,” he hears someone say. “They took his eye. I think I’m going to get sick.”

“Shut up, Kane.” Lisa sounds pissed, and the other woman seems to decide that this isn’t the moment to get on her bad side again as she actually stays quiet.

Barry groans after he has retched up what little was left of his lunch. He feels exhausted and a bit lightheaded as he lets himself slump against Len.

“It’s okay,” Len tells him quietly and brushes his lips against his temple. “You’re safe.”

“Len,” he croaks and reaches for him, grips his shirt and digs his fingers into it in an attempt to hold on and to never let go again. He has been so worried... “Can you stand?” Len asks, and Barry shudders, not liking the notion of having to move at all. Instead of replying, he shifts and turns so that he can press himself against the other man and hide his face into the crook of his neck while he sneaks one of his arms around his back to hold onto him firmly.

Len lets him and make another soothing noise as he starts to rub his back again.

Someone crouches down next to him which causes him to curl even more around the other man.

“It’s alright,” Lashawn says in a low and calm voice she usually uses when she tries to treat him. “I just want to take a look at your eye, Barry. Okay?”

He wants to be stubborn and say no. He’s had enough examinations for today, but he knows that Lashawn is only worried, and that Len is too.

Reluctantly, he pulls a bit back and turns to face her.

His eye is nearly completely regrown by now, but he can still hardly make anything out other than some milky grey-white.

“He’s okay, he seems to be healing as usual,” she states after a moment of studying him.

“Good.” Len sound relieved and reaches up to squeezes his neck.

Barry shudders and lets his head rest on Len’s shoulder again.

He feels relieved, confused, and tired.

So very tired…

Feeling the other man’s body against his is reassuring, and he hardly listens to the others around him. He lets his eyes run around the room he is in now slowly, lazily, and realizes that he has no idea where he is.

That’s okay.

Len is here which means that he is safe...

Iris crosses his mind briefly, as does Joe, but he is so tired…

The cool firm body Barry is leaning against shifts, and he feels how he is picked up, hardly picking up on Hartley complaining about why he has to be the one who cleans this mess up, before everything around him turns quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Len and the Rogues are back.
> 
> I had a couple of ideas where to go with them, but my muse took things in its own hand again and I reintroduced them towards the end of this chapter despite initially planning otherwise.
> 
> You also got a glimpse of Lisa’s power here, and Len is quite the badass now that he has gotten a grip of his cryokinesis. I’ve to say I’m quite fond of the moment he sucker punched Eobard.
> 
> Next chapter is already done, but not edited yet. It will finally be about the actual reunion between Barry and his family, sorry that this took so long but my muse tends to have a mind of its own. ;)


	10. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len knows Barry needs this, but it doesn’t make him hate the situation any less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not edited.

To say that Len doesn’t like this would be an understatement.

Initially, he and the others planned to find Barry, get him to their temporary bolthole, make sure that he is alright, and then _scram_.

After their run-in with those psychos, Len doesn’t want to be anywhere near the Twins or even anywhere near the country.

It seems that things never work out like he wants them to these days, though, and nearly sixteen hours after getting Barry back, they are still here, in Central City.

Len briefly watches how Barry nervously fidgets next to him, repeatedly smoothing his shirt out, shivering ever so slightly, and making a face like he is about to face the gallows.

He knows that this can only come back to bite them in the ass later on. They should get away as long as they still can. Staying here is dangerous, it’s a risk that isn’t worth it, but…

Barry doesn’t want to leave, not yet at least. He’s reluctant to go after just having regained a little bit of his former life, and Len gets it. If Iris was Lisa, he couldn’t just walk away either. Though, he knows pretty well by now that Barry felt much more for the now Mrs. Thawne than platonic love.

… which is another reason why he doesn’t like sticking around even one bit.

“I still don’t like it,” Lisa says, seemingly spelling his thoughts out, and causes Len to turn his attention back to her. “We shouldn’t split, Len, we can’t look out for each other if we aren’t together.”

Barry tenses up next to him, Len more feels than sees it, and he wonders whether the other man would protest again.

The brunette doesn’t like them being apart any more than he or Lisa does. It _scares_ him, especially after what happened the last time he was separated for them.

None of the others wants to stick around, though, and Sam could get them to any place on the planet within seconds, so that they’ve decided that Len would stay with Barry while the others would retreat to one of the hideouts they secured since they escaped the facility.

It’s not perfect, and it doesn’t follow the plan he has laid out for them at all, but he is not going to force Barry to come with them, and there is no way in hell that he is going to leave him out of his sight again any time soon.

“You could stay,” Barry remarks meekly, watching Lisa with sad eyes. “They’re my friends, they wouldn’t hurt you.”

Lisa frowns slightly, and her lack of sleep from the last couple of days is still more than apparent on her face. The couple of hours she grabbed after they got Barry back haven’t really done much to help with this, but despite her exhaustion, she doesn’t look annoyed or angry, not like she did before when they talked about this as a group. Instead she studies Barry with a concerned expression.

“I know they’re your friend,” she agrees with a tight smile. “But the last time we’ve met them, we tried to hurt them, Barry. It’s likely that they won’t share your sentiment towards us.” Barry looks about to protest, but Lisa goes on before he can. “It’s saver for us to not stay in the Gems, especially after this A.R.G.U.S. people got wind of us still being around.”

Barry shivers again, a sign that he is distressed and not sure how to deal with it, probably due to being reminded of his last kidnapping, and Len wishes he could get face to face with those jackasses who are responsible for this. He has no doubt that the same people also sent that band of psychopaths after them, and while he knows that laying low is the best thing to do right now, he still hates it.

“Hey,” Lisa says in that soothing and warm voice she uses only on Barry and steps closer to him. “We’re just a moment away. Sam can get you within seconds, and we can be here just as quickly if necessary.”

This seems to mollify Barry a little bit. He still looks about as unhappy as you can get with this situation, but he doesn’t protest again. Instead, he apologizes, like he has done so many times before today, and it really makes Len want to punch something.

“It’s okay,” Lisa assures him and reaches her hand out towards Barry, palm upwards like it has become common whenever she tries to offer some comfort to him.

Barry blinks rapidly then, obviously fighting back tears, and hesitantly grasps her hand in return, letting her squeeze his tightly for a moment.

“We’ll be there if you need us, okay?” she asks with a faint but warm smile, and Barry nods quietly, looking pale and tired.

Len watches their exchange and hopes that nothing is going to happen, that there won’t be any need for Lisa and the others to come and get them. Knowing their luck, they are probably running right into some ambush, though…

He swats that notion away and instead tries to tell himself that he is too paranoid. Barry’s friends wouldn’t betray him, and while he hates to think of him like this, he knows that the younger man is his insurance to get away from here unharmed.

It’s about five minutes later, after Lisa left to join the others, and Sam came back to take them to Barry’s old home, that they enter what has once been Barry’s old room via a cheval glass.

“Return to the others but keep an eye on how things are going here,” Len tells Sam, who looks tense and uncomfortable to be within Central City’s borders even though he hasn’t left the mirror himself so far.

“Will do,” the other man agrees and frowns. “Don’t get caught. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who’s unwilling to go near any fucking laboratories any time soon just to save your asses.”

Len’s only reply is a grunt and a dismissive wave with his hand which is a clear sign for the other man to take off. Sam does so without hesitation.

A heavy silence settles over them a moment later as the house seems eerily quiet.

It’s shortly after two pm on a cloudy and rainy Saturday, and Len thinks that the weather fits the mood just perfect as he stands next to Barry, waiting for him to make the next move.

Barry’s foster father is downstairs, hopefully still sitting at the kitchen island and nursing a cup of coffee he just made himself when they checked up on him before coming over to make sure that they wouldn’t run into an unwelcome surprise or enter an empty house.

The brief glimpse Len has gotten from the other man let him know that the poor sod probably hasn’t caught any sleep last night. He dealt with Joe West a couple of times as a criminal, the last time not too long before they were abducted, and it hasn’t been lost on him how much older the man is looking these days.

Barry shuffles a bit next to him, glancing around nervously with a deep frown on his face. He is tensed up, scared, and Len wishes he could help him somehow. Despite not wanting to be here at all, he knows how important this is for Barry, and he hates how increasingly upset he is growing again.

This wouldn’t do, he really doesn’t need Barry to freak out and run off again, especially not while they are in the house of a cop who’d probably try to shoot him on sight should he catch him in his son’s old room.

Slowly, Len lays an arm around the other man’s lower back and makes a soothing sound when he tenses up in return. He isn’t surprised when Barry throws him a surprised and slightly alarmed look.

“You know that we can leave again,” he reminds him. “You don’t have to do this.”

Barry bites his lower lip and averts his eyes, looking worried and uncertain. Len stays quiet and waits, he knows that this is important for him, but this doesn’t change the fact that he very much would prefer to not be here, in the house of a cop.

Instead of an actual replay, another shudder runs through Barry, strong enough that Len can feel it, and it worries him. The younger man is clearly upset which isn’t exactly unexpected, but he hasn’t realized so far how afraid he actually is of meeting his family again.

“Hey,” he says in a low, soothing voice and pulls Barry closer. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

 Barry is still gnawing on his lower lip as he meets his gaze somewhat reluctantly and nods. “’Kay.”

Len wouldn’t have thought that he could grow to like and dislike a word so much at the same time. He bites down on a sigh and nods instead. “Good. Then let’s surprise West.”

_And get this over with_ , he thinks but doesn’t add.

They make their way over to the entrance, and while Barry is in the front of him, he seems reluctant to move and pauses at the door.

Len waits patiently, giving him time to get a grip of his anxiety, as he knows from experience that it wouldn’t help to try and urge him on.

Finally, after a tense minute went by in silence, Barry glances briefly back to him over his taut shoulders, looking scared and hopeful all at the same time, before a more resolute expression settles over his features.

The door is opened slowly, both of them listening for any sound from downstairs, and Len is staying a bit behind as Barry hesitantly steps out.

They exchange another look, and Barry seems to grow exceedingly uncertain again. Len gives him a reassuring nod, quietly urging him on because this tension is starting to rub off on him, and it makes him nervous which is never a god thing these days. His powers tend to be more difficult to control when he is in an agitated mood.

“Joe?” Barry calls out, and Len doesn’t miss that he has started to tremble again.

A nearly tangible tense moment of silence follows before the sound of someone getting up from a chair can be heard, followed by quick footsteps.

“Barry?!” By the sound of it, Joe West is at the foot of the stairs within seconds but stops there. There is a nearly palpable hope in the older man’s voice but also wariness, and Len wonders whether this is going to be a happy reunion or another traumatizing experience for Barry.

Barry makes a step towards the stairs, stops, and makes a step back again, looking both conflicted and scared.

“Barry, is that you up there?” West asks again, worry and anxiousness plain in his voice.

“Yeah.” Barry croaks and shivers again.

Another pause, then West starts to walk up the stair, and Len is glad that the man has the foresight to not run but keep a slow pace.

West’s expression is tense when he reaches the top of the stairs and the beginning of the short hallways. His eyes briefly light up when he sees Barry, but his relief is quickly replaced by confusion and alarm when he notices Len next to him.

Len lifts his hands in an appeasing manner, unwilling to cause this situation to become any more strained than it already is, and briefly worries that the detective could have a gun on him.

“Hey,” Barry starts, his voice hoarse, and Len doesn’t miss how another noticeable tremble overcomes him for a couple of second. “I… sorry for… I didn’t mean to… I-I…” He shifts his weight nervously from one foot to the other, obviously at a loss of what to say.

West watches Barry quietly before he starts to slowly walk over to him.

Len isn’t surprised when Barry grows completely still in response, and he is glad when the detective stops about an arm’s length away from him. West shoots him another wary look before he turns back to his son who seems frozen in place.

“Barry,” West starts and breaks off, looking about as unsure of what to say or to do as his surrogate son does, and Len wishes he could be somewhere else as he hates emotional situations like this one, especially when he is nothing more than an intruder who has no real right to be here in the first place.

Barry is blinking rapidly again, clearly fighting against tears, before a sudden tremor goes through him, and he presses both of his hands over his mouth to stifle a sob.

“Barry,” the detective says again, sounding as if it actually physically hurts him to see the younger man in so much distress. “It’s alright, son, I… I’m just so glad to see that you’re…” West briefly looks like he is about to lose his control over his emotions as well before he is able to get his composure back and instead makes a step towards Barry. He slowly lifts his hands to embrace him, obviously giving him time to pull back, and Len doesn’t like it at all.

“It’s alright,” West says in a low and slightly trembling voice. “I won’t hurt you, Bear.”

Barry seems startled by the nickname. He looks honestly taken aback for a second before his face crumbles and a soft whimper escapes him.

“Hey.” West makes a soothing sound and finally lays his hands on the young man’s shoulders. “You’re alright, everything’s alright.” He pulls Barry closer who only seems to struggle for a second before he gives in and sinks into the embrace.

Len stays next to them, feeling awkward and out of place, and watches how Barry finally breaks and starts to cry, gripping his surrogate dad’s arms and holding on to them as if the older man was a lifeline for him.

“S-sorry,” Barry utters and buries his face in Wes’s neck. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m-”

“Shhh.” West starts to rub his back with one hand while he cups his neck with his other. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry about, Bear.”

Barry sobs again, hard enough that it shakes his whole body. “I sh-should have listened to y-you… I sh-shouldn’t have t-tried to p-play a h-hero-”

“No, Barry, god, no-” The detective makes a face as if he is in pain, and Len knows that it is spiteful of him, but he is glad for it, because he knows how much of Barry’s self-torment comes from believing that he isn’t good enough and that he has failed the people in his life.

Len is well aware of how much one’s father’s words can weigh on a person, he himself experiences this to this day, and he doesn’t even care for that man.

“I didn’t w-want to r-run,” Barry explains in-between sobs, shaking like a leave. “I w-was _s-scared_ …”

“It’s okay-”

“ _I hurt you!_ ” Barry protests upset, and he sounds so raw and hurt. Len hates it when he gets so lost in his own pain and self-reproach, and he has to fight the urge to grab him and drag him back to the mirror so that they could get away from here.

“I’m a m-monster! I k-killed people, I k-killed so m-many, I-I k-k-” Barry breaks off and wails, it is a horrible sound to listen to, heartrending, and so full of self-hatred that Len briefly feels like he’s growing sick. He has hoped that they were finally past this…

At least, West takes it better than Len has expected, he grows a bit pale but doesn’t look exactly surprised which means that he must have already known about this.

“Barry,” West says in a low but firm voice, and pulls the crying man a bit closer. “You’re not a monster, you’re my child, my son, and I love you. Do you understand that? I’m not angry at you, and I don’t hate you. I’m just so glad to have you back, I don’t care about anything else.”

Barry makes a small protesting noise but doesn’t try to get away from him.

“I’ll always love you, Bear. Iris and me both, we’ll always love you, and neither of us gives a damn about what you had to do to get away from that horrible place” the older man goes on as tears start to run down his cheeks as well. “We’re just glad that you’re alive, and that you’re back.”

Len watches father and son reunite, and despite how uncomfortable it is to be here right now, he feels relieved over the detective’s reaction. It would have been so easy to get Barry to crumble under a few harsh words, a few accusations, and reproach.

He feared that it could come to that, and, for once, he is glad that he has been wrong.

They stay in the short hallway for what feels like forever to him but probably is hardly more than ten minutes. Joe keeps talking quietly and soothingly to Barry who keeps crying and clinging to him so desperately that it looks like he would drown should he let go.

When Joe finally pulls back and asks Barry to come down and get something to drink, Len is nearly grateful for it even though he still doesn’t feel any more comfortable to be here than the moment he entered.

Barry agrees somewhat reluctantly, glancing back to Len worriedly, as if he was scared that he could decide to leave him here.

Fat chance.

Len gives him a tight smile and nods. “I think something to drink sounds fine.”

West seems to have forgotten about his presence for a bit because he looks tensed up once more, and eyes him with a familiar distrust that rubs him the wrong way.

If he really wanted to do something like damaging this house, damaging _him_ , he would already have done so-

Len cuts the thought off and forces himself to stay relaxed and calm, unwilling to let his composure slip around the cop.

Thankfully, West doesn’t point out that he isn’t exactly thrilled to have him around, probably because he can see that there is something going on between Barry and him that he doesn’t understand yet, and he doesn’t want to accidently upset his son again.

Barry stays close to West but also grabs one of Len’s hands firmly as they start to make their way downstairs, probably to make sure that he wouldn’t stay too far behind. He tends to get clingy when he is nervous, and after what has happened over the last couple of days, this really isn’t a surprise.

“You want a coke?” West asks when they’ve reached the kitchen, and Barry leads him over to the kitchen island to take a seat. “Or water? I can also make coffee.”

Len doesn’t miss how the older man keeps eying their clasped hands, and he can’t find it in himself to hold it against him. After all, Barry and he were still enemies the last time he saw them.

“Can I’ve a cup of cocoa?” Barry asks, and Len doesn’t miss the he is still trebling as he presses himself against his side.

“Sure.” He has to give it to West, he does a good job of trying to not show how strange and probably off-putting it has to be for him that Barry is this touchy with a criminal like Len. Barry, of course, is completely oblivious to the small faux pas he is committing, and instead smiles happily in return to the cop’s answer.

“Water’s fine,” Len replies and starts to rub Barry’s side in a soothing way. “Thanks.”

West frowns slightly, but holds his tongue and instead nods rather curtly.

Len has just allowed himself to relax a bit, when he hears the front door of the house being unlocked and opened. Both, he and Barry tense up in response when an unfamiliar voice calls him.

“Dad, I’m back. I’ve gotten us a _Papa John’s_ Double Bacon, and I was thinking we could call Iris-” The young black man who entered the kitchen breaks off and seems about as taken aback about their presence as it is the other way around.

“Wally-” West starts, but Barry cuts him off. “ _Dad?_ ”

Judging by how confused Barry sounds and seeing that he never told him about growing up with a surrogate brother as well, Len takes it that this is a new development.

“Barry.” West watches Barry worriedly. “This is Wally, my son. While you were… _gone_ , I found out that…” The man grimaces and frowns. “It’s a long story, Bear.”

That is a bullshit excuse of an explanation if Len has ever heard one, and he isn’t surprised when he can feel how Barry’s tremble starts to increase again in response.

“You’re Iris’ brother?” Barry asks the new arrival, sounding wary. “You aren’t on her Facebook.”

Len nearly snorts, and he isn’t surprised when neither West nor his biological son seem to know how to reply to this statement.

“I...” Wally starts and exchanges a look with his dad before he turns back to Barry and gives him a hesitant but still friendly smile. “I haven’t been around for that long, to be honest, and Iris… we’re still working things out.”

“Oh.” Barry frowns for a moment before he gives the other young man a somewhat hesitant nod. “Okay. I’m Barry.”

Both Wests seem relived by this, and Len sees how some of the tension eases away from the younger man’s shoulders as he replies warmly. “I’m Wally. Nice to meet you, Barry.”

Barry relaxes a bit and smiles. “Nice to meet you too, Wally.”

And that is that it seems.

Joe and Wally excuse themselves briefly as the leave the kitchen, probably talking about letting the others know that Barry is here, and Len tries to keep the urge to bolt to a minimum.

Barry, thankfully, doesn’t seem to share his worry, as he keeps eying the box of pizza Wally left at the counter with a yearning look instead, while he loops both of his arms around Len, pulling him a bit closer. Len returns the sentiment by putting one of his arms around his back.

“I’m hungry,” Barry murmurs and rests his head on Len’s shoulder.

“I’m sure they’ll let you have a slice,” he remarks amused and brushes his lips against the top of his head, but pulls back when Wally chooses this moment to return.

“Hey…” The kid flushes, clearly surprised by the intimate exchange between both of them, and Len shoot him a warning glare.

“Can I have some of the pizza?” Barry asks hopefully, unaware of their exchange.

“Sure,” Wally agrees and gives Barry another smile but keeps a wary eye on Len for a moment longer before he walks over to the kitchen counter.

After picking a plate from the cabinet above the sink, the younger man seems to hesitate briefly and turns back to Barry. “You can have all of it, if you want. I’m planning on ordering another one anyway.”

“Really?” Barry sounds excited in a way only the prospect of food is able to get him to, and Len nearly feels bad for having glared at the kid beforehand.

“Yeah.” Wally chuckles and grabs the box to bring them over to them. He puts it down in front of Barry while keeping the island between them. “It should still be warm, I just got it before coming here.”

Barry, who has pushed himself tighter against Len again as Wally approached them, unable to help himself, turns his attention back to the box and only hesitates for a second before he pulls it closer and opens it, using only one hand as he keeps one arm safely tucked around him.

A soft pleased sound escapes the brunette as his gaze falls upon the pizza, and he quickly grabs the first slice and takes a bite of it.

Judging by the delighted expression he makes as he chews, he seems to like it.

“’S good,” Barry remarks to Wally, mouth still full, before he turns back to Len, offering the slice so that he could take a bite.

Len isn’t really hungry, and he doesn’t like the notion of being fed in front of some stranger, but it would calm Barry down who has developed the odd need to make sure that the Rogues stay fed since they’ve gone under. It’s probably just another way to deal with everything that happened, like his need to hide, stick close to him, or… hurt himself.

The thought is sobering, and he shoves it away. Instead he takes a bite of the offered slice and nods. “Good.”

Barry grins, happy and satisfied, before he turns his attention back to eating.

Wally is watching them quietly with a slight frown, and Len is glad that Barry is currently not paying any attention to their surroundings. He rubs Barry’s side, receiving a pleased hum in return, and keeps watching the younger West with a dark warning look till he turns away.

West comes back a couple of minutes later, just as Barry is about to start with his third slice.

“I see you’ve found yourself a snack,” the detective says, sounding amused, but Len doesn’t miss that he seems worried once again.

“Wally gave it to me,” Barry explains. “You can have some if you want.”

“I’m good,” West declines with a fond smile before his expression grows more serious again. “Barry, I’ve called the others to let them know that you’re okay.”

Barry hums, obviously unbothered by this, and Len understands why West seems thrown for a loop for a moment as he himself has troubles to keep up with Barry sudden mood changes at times, and he has way more experience with them that the other man does.

“They’re glad you’re okay,” West adds hesitantly, and this time Barry pauses.

“I’ve worried you,” he says quietly and lets his hand sink that is holding the slice of pizza.

“You were scared,” West points out tentatively. “And we’re not angry at you because of it.”

Barry looks unconvinced and starts to bite his lower lip again. “Sorry…”

The detective frowns unhappily, but goes on. “It’s alright, Bear, really. We’re just glad you’re okay, and Iris really wants to come over and see you.”

Len feels Barry grow still against him, well aware that West is not asking about whether it is okay for him that she comes over or not, as the woman is probably on her way here right now.

“She’s been really worried,” Wally adds, and Len glares at him again because this is certainly not going to help.

As expected, Barry seems to deflate on himself and starts to tremble again, looking anywhere but the two men before him. “I’m sorry…”

Wally, to his credit, seems to realize that he probably didn’t choose the best thing to say, and grimaces slightly before he adds. “She’s really happy that you’re back.”

Barry nods but stays quiet otherwise. He starts to nibble on his slice of pizza again, seemingly no longer really hungry, though.

They hardly speak over the next fifteen minutes. Barry goes on eating at a snail’s pace and accepts the cup of hot chocolate from Joe with a faint smile but stays rather uncommunicative despite the cop’s attempt to talk. Len knows that it’s just Barry’s nerves, that he is currently fighting against pulling back into himself again, and he is grateful that the older man seems to understand as he leaves them to themselves after a bit.

In the end, it is kind of a relief when they hear the door being unlocked and opened as Len has had enough of this uneasy awkwardness. At least till Barry tenses up in his arms, and Len feels his stomach sink when the younger man looks utterly terrified for a second before he buries his face into the crook of his neck, nearly climbing onto his lap.

He has worried that this would happen.

“Hey, ‘s fine,” he assures him calmly as he watches how a young woman stops at the entrance of the kitchen, and he nearly scowls at her because she looks even better than he has imagined, not pretty but beautiful, despite her eyes that are red and a bit swollen from crying and a visible lack of sleep.

Their looks meet, and he watches how Iris grows still for a second. She seems confused and taken aback, before something like understanding crosses her expression that is followed by a sad little smile of which Len isn’t sure what to make.

The kitchen is nearly completely quiet other than for her footsteps as she makes her way over to them, and he can feel Barry tense up even more in his arms, pressing himself even firmer against him.

Iris stops next to them and studies Barry briefly.

“Barry?” she asks quietly, voice soft and warm.

A shudder goes through Barry’s body and he whimpers, the feeling of his hot breath is on Len’s collarbone as he does so.

“Barry,” Iris repeats, low and soothing, and Len nearly tells her to back off when she lifts her hand to touch the distressed man in his arms. He doesn’t, though, and she cups Barry’s neck tentatively. “I’m glad…” Her voice breaks off, and she swallows thickly before she tries again. “I’m so glad that you’re back. I’ve missed you…”

Her face starts to crumble, and she squeezes her eyes shut, pressing her other hand against her mouth as she fights for composure.

Len feels Barry stir, and for a moment he wants to hold him back, stop him from turning to the women that will probably always be the biggest love of his life. Again, he forces himself no to, and instead watches how Barry sits back a bit.

He is crying again, and he sniffles before he reaches up and takes hold of Iris’ hand on his neck.

“I missed you too, Iry,” he tells her in a trembling voice. “So much.”

She sobs, tears rolling down her cheeks as she opens her eyes again to meet his.

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t,” Iris cuts him off, and while she sounds sad and pained, she still smiles. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry about, Bear, okay?”

Barry presses his lips together, and Len knows that he is secretly disagreeing, but he still nods.

She chuckles wetly as she cups Barry’s cheek then. “Welcome home.”

An uneasy heaviness settles into the pit of Len’s stomach as he watches Barry’s face brighten up like the sun has just risen for the first time in more than two years, and the realization hits him like a punch that it would be next to impossible to get Barry to leave these people again, no matter the danger.

Len bites down on a groan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! :)
> 
> It was surprisingly easy to write for how sad it was at times, and I really enjoyed finally getting Barry and his family reunited again (there will be more of in the next one). And Len, the poor sod, realizes that things will probably go on not going according to plan, because Barry likely won’t want to know anything about leaving his family and friends again. 
> 
> There will be more Rogues in future, don’t worry, I know that you just got a glimpse of them, but they really didn’t want to stick around for longer than absolutely necessary… they are a stubborn bunch. ;)


	11. Coming Home Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry is glad to have his family back. Things don't go as smooth as he would like, though, as the scars his time in the facility left him with run deep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not edited.

* * *

Barry is glad that he has Len back. He’s glad that he has all his friends back, even if they aren’t around right now.

Still, he would have preferred for Lisa and the others to be here, it makes him feels safer when the whole team is together, but he gets that they are scared. He, too, would be scared if their roles were reversed, and he didn’t know Caitlin and Cisco-

Barry makes a small protesting noise when he feels the needle in his right arm move slightly as Caitlin changes the ampule to take another sample of his blood. It is a disgusting sensation, and he presses himself firmer against Len, shuddering in response and squeezes his eyes shut more tightly.

“You’re fine,” Len murmurs against his hair, calm and certain, and it helps a bit. He knows that Len wouldn’t let anybody hurt him again.

“You’re doing great, Barry,” Caitlin tells him reassuringly, her touch soft but icy through the thin pair of medical gloves she is wearing. “It will be just another moment.”

He tries to answer but can’t get anything but a miserable sounding whine over his lips. This is a horrible experience, even with Len around, and he would give a lot for it to finally be over even though the whole procedure won’t have taken more than about three minutes when they are finally done.

Barry is currently hiding his face in the crook of Len’s neck, but he can still feel Joe hovering close-by. His surrogate dad has driven them back to the laboratories just a big ago.

Iris is also there, standing next to her father, and Barry wishes he would know what to say to make her feel better. He knows that she is hurting, it is plain on her face whenever she looks at him, and he doesn’t want for her to feel bad. Especially not because of him.

He shudders again and makes a small pained noise, not really due to the needle that is still sticking in his arm, but Caitlin still apologizes.

“You’re fine,” Len repeats once more, and rubs his back in this reassuring way of his that is like the nicest feeling ever, and Barry can’t help but reply by pressing himself firmer against him. “I’m here, you’re safe.” Len’s voice is low and warm, and Barry wishes that he had both arms free so that he could pull him even closer.

“Okay,” Caitlin finally says, and he can feel her ease the tourniquet before the needle is pulled out of him. “All done.”

A soft groan passes his lips, relieved and grateful that this is finally over, before he feels Len move. He whines softly when he notices that one of the other man’s hands have left his back.

“Shhh.” Len brushes his lips against his temples as Barry can feel him take hold of the cotton ball Caitlin has pressed against where she’s just drawn some of his blood. The still remaining hand on Barry’s back starts to move again, this time in calming circles. “It’s over, you’re okay.”

Okay isn’t exactly how he feels, but he knows that Len is right.

“I hate needles,” he murmurs tiredly and a bit defiantly against the other man’s throat. Len chuckles softly, and the rumbling in his chest causes Barry to shudder once more, this time not due to distress, though. “You could have fooled me there.”

“Here.” Caitlin’s voice causes him to move his head slightly so that he can glance at her, and he watches how she replaces Len’s fingers with some medical adhesive tape. It is not necessary, his skin has healed by now, but he doesn’t point it out, and Len only grunts his thanks. Noticing how tensed up Caitlin seems, Barry forces himself to give her a smile, but he is pretty sure it came over more like a grimace, though, judging by his friend’s concerned look.

“I’m fine,” he parrots Len as he pulls his arm closer and lets his hand settle on his partner’s side. He still keeps his eyes on Caitlin. “Don’t be sad.”

The young doctor seems surprised for a second before she forces herself to relax a bit and gives him a soft smile. The sorrow and guilt doesn’t leave her eyes, though.

“I’m not, Barry.” She lies, they both know it, but Barry let her as he isn’t sure how to help her and he doesn’t want to make her feel any worse by accident.

Someone steps closer from next to them, Iris, her steps light and hesitant, and he glances over to her, remembering that Joe and she are still there, probably still worried as well.

“I’m good, Iry,” Barry tells her and gives her a tired smile. He hopes that it is more convincing than the one before, Iris has been sad since the moment she joined them in Joe’s home, and she is trying so hard not to let it on, but he knows her. He knows when she isn’t feeling well, or when she is angry, or sad…

He has always been good at reading her.

“I know.” Iris nods and lifts her hand, as if to reach for him, before she stops. Her gaze moves to Len, who is still holding Barry, and she seems uncertain for a moment.

He frowns, confused about her behavior, and wonders whether Len and her have had a fight.

It seems unlikely, though, he has been around them for nearly all the time, and his quick trip to the bathroom could have hardly been long enough for something like this to occur.

Maybe she feels intimidated by Len?

Barry frowns at that notion, but he knows that it is possible. Len is tall and strong, and he wears a rather grim expression most of the time these days.

“He’s really nice,” he tries to assure Iris which earns him a surprised and slightly confused look from her, and he tries to clarify. “He just looks grumpy, but he’s really nice.”

Caitlin, who is still sitting opposite to them, snorts softly under her breath, and Len seems to grow even cooler, causing Barry to glance in confusion between both of them. His partner has his lips pursed and looks clearly annoyed which doesn’t sit well with Barry at all, and he turns back to Caitlin, whose eyes are still sparkling with amusement despite her obviously trying to keep a straight face.

“He _is_ ,” he insists and feels a bit indignant on Len’s part.

“I don’t doubt that Barry,” Caitlin assures him, and some of the tension seems to have left her as she meets his slightly wary eyes.

“I can be nice, but it depends on the people,” Len remarks, and when Barry turns back to him, he doesn’t miss that he seems to be currently in a starring contest with Joe.

“Firestorm was apparently not one of those people then, was he, Snart?” the detective asks darkly.

“He got in my way.” Len shrugs. “And it was Lisa who injured the firebug.”

“Your sister dislocated-”

“Hey,” Barry interrupts them, and pushes himself a bit away from the other man to face him more easily. “Stop that! Don’t fight, I don’t want you to fight!”

“We’re not,” both Joe and Len assure him at the same time before sharing another rather hostile brief look.

“You’re not supposed to fight,” Barry tells them, turning to Iris as if to seek help from her.

“They’re not fighting, Bear,” Iris assures him as she finally reaches for him and cups his shoulder tentatively. “We’re just worried about you, and we’re a bit tensed up because of it.”

“I’m fine.” He frowns and glances to where he has just had a needle in his arm. “I don’t like needles, but I’m okay now.”

Iris smiles at that, fondly and sadly, and she squeezes Barry’s shoulder. “That’s good, Bear.”

He nods, feeling a bit overwhelmed again, and he is glad that it is just the five of them, that the others have currently left the cortex to give them some privacy.

“Wally gave me pizza,” he tells Caitlin who has turned to record some notes, and looks back to him.

She seems surprised but smiles. “He did?”

Barry nods, pleased to see his friend no longer so worried. “He bought one for Joe and him but he let me have it. It was really good.” He likes pizza and ice-cream; Len usually gets him one of these when he tries to cheer him up.

“We can order some pizza, if you want,” Caitlin suggests. “I haven’t had dinner so far, and I’m sure Cisco wouldn’t mind either.”

The notion of getting more pizza and sharing it with his friends is so ridiculously exciting that Barry nearly starts to bounce on Len’s lap as he eagerly nods in agreement. “Yes, please! I’ll be good!”

An odd tension settles over the room, and he watches how Caitlin’s smile dies away and a much more pained expression replaces it.

It confuses Barry at first, till he realizes what he has said, and then he just wants to curl up in a small ball in some dark little place and hide away forever.

He’s so damaged-

“We’re going to share one,” Len interrupts the uneasy atmosphere, and meets Barry’s sad look calmly. “I’m not really hungry.”

Barry frowns. “You need to eat more.”

“I’m no speedster, Scarlet.”

“You still need to eat more than one of Hartley’s rats.”

“Thanks for comparing me with one of Piper’s rodents,” Len replies drily, which causes Barry to chuckle.

“Hartley’s rats are very intelligent, he told me that they are like dogs,” he points out. “They can play fetch and know their own names.”

“Fascinating.” Len wrinkles his nose, and Barry really doesn’t understand why his friend dislikes these sweet little pets so much. They are clever, cute, and totally clean. Hartley makes sure of it, and he usually let Barry help when he gives them a bath.

“You’re talking about Hartley Rathaway?” Caitlin asks, and Barry looks back to her. He doesn’t miss her slightly pinched expression or how tensed up she has gotten again.

“Yeah,” he agrees slowly, and it takes him a moment to remember that Hartley actually worked for S.T.A.R. labs till shortly before the particle accelerator explosion took place.

“Is he…” Caitlin purses her lips for a moment before she goes on. “How is he?”

Barry considers the question for a moment. “Good, I think. He’s a bit moody most of the times, and snappish, but he is doing alright.”

This seems to put his friend at ease, as Caitlin obviously relaxes again, and gives him a faint but grateful smile.

“Is Hartley a friend of yours?” Iris inquires, and Barry turns to her, smiling. “Yes, I like him a lot, and he likes me, and he isn’t scared of me. He let me even help train his rats.”

“That’s good,” Iris agrees but her smile seems a bit forced now.

Before Barry can ponder over the sudden change in his friend’s mood too much, Caitlin speaks again, and asks him whether she could look at his eye.

“I just want to take a look,” she assures him when he visibly blanches as the idea.

“It’s all healed up,” he argues and unconsciously reaches up to his right eye. “It’s okay again.”

“Barry,” Joe cuts in, and Barry turns to him, feeling already guilty for being difficult. “Caitlin just wants to make sure that you’re doing alright.” His foster dad steps closer and gives him a sympathetic look. “We’re just worried, Bear.”

A shudder runs through Barry, he doesn’t like how crowded he feels all of a sudden, and he tries to remind himself that these are just his family and friends-

“Give him some space,” Len’s voice cuts through to the slowly increasing throbbing in his ears. He sounds harsh and firm, nearly angry. “You’re freaking him out.”

Barry realizes just then that he has buried his face in the crook of the other man’s neck once more. His fingers are digging into Len’ back, hard enough that he is sure he’s going to leave bruises there, and he wants to let go and sit back, he wants to tell Iris and Joe, and Caitlin that he is fine, that he is just getting upset so ridiculously easily these days, and that he is scared of his own shadow, that it isn’t their fault…

But he can’t.

He doesn’t like laboratories. He doesn’t like to be examined, he doesn’t like it when people other than Len touch him, and he hates it! All of this! This damn awful situation…

“I’m sorry,” he utters through chattering teeth, his voice muffled by Len’s shirt, and pulls himself a bit closer to his friend.

He is being stupid again, he is making a fuss over nothing, he knows that. Caitlin only wants to look at his eye, he let her already take some of his blood, why is this such a big deal all of a sudden?

He is being stupid, he’s always stupid, Dr. Danielle hated it when he was like this, she would punish him if he was difficult like this. She never screamed or hit him, but she would make him miserable, she would make him undergo worse treatments and, later after she realized how much Len has started to mean to him, she would threaten him to get him another cellmate.

It was an empty threat; Barry always knew that. Len’s power made it easier for them to keep his speedster powers under control, they would not put him with someone else, but the notion alone has been _terrifying_.

“Shhh.” Len is rubbing his back again, and Barry notices that his friend has started to rock them slightly back and forth. “You’re safe, Barry, nothing will happen to you. You’re safe.”

“S-sorry.” His teeth are chattering so badly that it is hard to speak. “I’m s-sorry. I-I’ll b-be g-good.”

Len hushes him again before he presses his lips against his temple and just proceeds holding him.

They’ve both been through this often enough to know that only time will help as well as the other man’s presence.

When his panic attack is finally over, Barry is left feeling exhausted and slightly nauseous.

“Sorry,” he murmurs wearily and forces himself to pry his fingers from Len’s back. If it weren’t for the other man’s regeneration powers, he would probably have the ugliest bruises to show there.

“It’s fine,” Len murmurs back, his cool lips brushing against the hot skin of Barry’s temples as he speaks. “You’re okay.”

“Yes,” he agrees in a small voice and moves his head slightly, so that he can glance over to the others. He already feels awful for freaking out like this in front of them once more. Iris and Joe really shouldn’t have to see this. They are already worried enough about him.

He finds both of them as well as Caitlin outside the medical part of the cortex, near the main consoles. Iris and Joe look upset, not as badly as he has feared, though, and Caitlin is currently talking to them with a slightly pained but calm expression on her face.

“I make them sad,” he tells Len, pulling himself closer to him. “I don’t want to make them unhappy.”

“You don’t,” Len argues and rests his chin on the top of his head, exhaling a soft sigh. “This is just new to them. They’ll get used to it.”

“They don’t have to be sad because of me, I’m okay.” He really is. He isn’t always feeling good, but he is doing much better than just a couple of months ago.

“I know,” his friend agrees and pulls him a bit closer. “And so will they.”

Barry hums quietly, hoping that his friend is right.

Reluctantly, as he really doesn’t want to let go of Len, he sits back before he gets up.

The others notice and turn to him, a mixture of worry, apprehension, and relief on their faces.

Iris is the first one to move and walk back over to them. Unlike before, she stops at the entrance of the small medical area, though.

“Barry…” She seems uncertain what to say for a moment before the open concern on her face is replaced by a small but comforting smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” Barry answers and coughs lightly due to how rough his voice sounds. His face grows warm, and he nervously shifts his weigh from one foot to the next. “I’m okay, Iry. I’m… I’m sorry that I made you sad...” He looks down at the floor in front of his feet, frowning.

“Bear.” Iris sighs very softly, hardly more than a quiet exhale of air, and Barry can hear her make a step into the room. “Can I come closer?”

The question is unexpected, and he lifts his head to look at his friend, surprised and a bit uncertain what to make of it. He glances to Len, worried that he did something wrong again, but the other man returns his gaze calmly and with a faint, encouraging smile.

“Of course.” Barry finally nods, and turns back to Iris. He notices that she is watching them with curiously before she starts to slowly walk over to him, as if not to scare him.

Iris stops about an arm’s length away from him, and Barry is suddenly hit with the realization that they haven’t hugged so far since his return.

It is an odd notion, an even unsettling one, as he loved to hug Iris, to have her close…

“We didn’t want to scare you,” Iris starts, looking regretful, and Barry wishes he could make her stop feeling bad because of him. “It’s just difficult…” She swallows and for a horrible second looks like she is about to cry.

“No,” Barry protests, shaking his head, and wishes he could make her understand that it is helping him to have her here. He has missed her _so much_. “I’m not scared of you, I’m… I don’t like… it’s not _you_ , Iris, really. I just…” He shudders and reaches for the hem of his shirt, tugging on it absentmindedly. “I’m not good with… other people anymore. But it’s not you, really. I love you, you and Joe.” At this, he glances back to where Joe and Caitlin have come closer as well but stopped at the entrance like Iris before. His surrogate father looks worried and tense up, and Barry feels his stomach sink when he notices the shimmer of tears in his eyes.

Why is he hurting them so much? He doesn’t want to hurt them…

“I…” His voice is coarse again, and he it is difficult to swallow around the lump in his throat. “I missed you…” Another shudder goes through him, accompanied by the need to move, to run, to get away. It is so alluring, the thought to escape, at least till he reminds himself that this in front of him is not Dr. Danielle or any of his former tormentors, but his family.

“I missed you so much,” he croaks and he tries to bite down on the sob that still escapes him. “You kept m-me going, I w-wouldn’t have s-survived if… if it w-wasn’t for you…”

Thinking back to the first couple of months in the facility is difficult. There are hardly any coherent memories left of that time, only the feeling of pain, desperation, humiliation, and fear… that horrible all-encompassing fear.

He didn’t have Len back then. The other man has been there, sure, but Barry has still been alone, and in those days only the notion of his family and friends kept him going.

“Barry…” Iris sounds like she is crying now as well, and he shudders involuntarily when she touches his arms tentatively. Before she can pull back, though, he steps forward, welcoming the offered embrace with a desperate need that is nearly smothering.

“I m-missed you.” It is difficult to speak between the sobs, and it is difficult to think of anything else to say that would offer some comfort. He doesn’t want Iris to cry, or for her to feel bad enough that she has to, but the only think he can really think of is that he has her back. His grip on her back is probably too tight, unlike with Len, she would have bruises there later on, but he can’t make himself to let go of her or to even just ease his grip. Iris doesn’t complain, though, and only holds him close, crying softly against his shoulder.

Barry hardly notices Joe coming up to them, till the other man is hugging both of them, pulling them closer as if he was afraid they would slip away and vanish if he let them have the chance.

“We’re so glad you’re back, Bear,” he says, voice thick with unshed tears, and Barry whimpers softly, feeling miserable for making his dad cry, and even more grateful for having the man finally back.

His family is back…

“I l-love you,” he utters, and moves one arm from around Iris back to include Joe in his embrace. “I’m s-sorry f-for-”

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about,” Joe cuts him off, and presses a kiss against Barry head. “None of this has been your fault, Bear, and we’re just so glad to have you back.”

Iris nods against the crook of his neck, still holding onto him with a surprising strength, and he feels just overwhelmed.

He has his them back, he _finally_ has them back…

Barry starts to cry for real then, probably bawling like a little kid, but he couldn’t care less. He is with his family again, after such a horrible long time.

When they finally step apart, his head is throbbing, and he feels a bit sick again, like he usually does after a crying fit. This time he can’t bring himself to mind. Something has loosened inside him, lightened, and it is a nice and welcome change to how tight his chest usually feels most of the time.

The shoulder part of Iris blouse is a mess, and Barry flushes in embarrassment when he notices it, stammering an apology to her about it, but she just waves him off.

“It’s just a blouse,” she assures him with a tired but easy smile. “I can wash it. And I did a number on your shirt as well, so let’s call it even.”

He chuckles and reaches up to rub his eyes. “Yeah… ‘Kay.”

“I think we’re done her,” Caitlin says, and he turns to her in surprise and a bit wary. She shakes her head. “We can look at your eye another time, Barry. I think it would be better if you get something to eat and drink, and just try to relax a bit.”

This is a suggestion he gladly follows along.

While Caitlin stays behind to evaluate his blood, they make their way to the longue area Cisco, Caitlin, and he used to frequent whenever he had a break from being the Flash or testing his powers.

It is a relief to finally be outside the cortex and the medical equipment, and Barry can’t help but notice how exhausted he feels now that fear about being examined has loosened its grip on him.

“You’re okay?” Len sounds calm, but Barry knows him well enough by now to recognize that he is worrying.

“’M fine,” he assures him and leans a bit into his partner whose arm is around his lower back. He is holding Iris hand in turn, and Joe is close-by as well, walking next to his daughter. Barry can still not stop himself from glancing towards the older man every other second to make sure that he is still there though.

“We’ll order you some pizza,” Iris promises him and gives his hand a squeeze. He hums in agreement, pleased by the prospect of them having a late dinner together.

The longue isn’t empty, which was to be expected as Cisco told them that he would go wait there. The young man isn’t the only one around, though, as Wally, Dr. Stein, and Harrison Wells, or Harry as everybody tends to call him, are also present. The later one, who is sitting next to Cisco, is studying the screen of the laptop that is resting his lap, a slight displeased frown on his face, and Barry wonders what he could be looking at.

Opposite to them, Jay is reading some magazine, but let it sink the moment he notices them.

“Hey,” Jay greets them, and his eyes settle on Barry after he’s made a brief sweep over the rest of them. “You’re done with the medical examination?”

“Yeah.” Barry nods and is pretty sure that his relief is audible as the other man gives him an amused look.

“See,” Cisco adds and shoots him a wider grin. “I told you Caitlin would be done in no time, and you look hardly the worse to wear.”

“Uh, thanks?” Barry isn’t sure how to take this and watches how Harry rolls his eyes next to the younger scientist but stays quiet.

“I mean you look okay, not like someone who went through some torture,” Cisco quickly adds and shoots Wally a glare when the other man snorts. He turns his gaze back on Barry and make an unhappy face. “I mean, because you were so worried about the examination.”

“I feel okay,” he agrees and leans a bit more into Len. “And Caitlin was really nice.”

“Ms. Snow is quite an adept doctor,” Harry agrees, and Barry notices how he is studying him with open interest now. It makes him feel uncomfortable, he can’t help but remember the other man with the same face, and he involuntarily turns away from him and presses his forehead against Len’s shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut.

Len rubs his side in a comforting manner, and a brief somewhat uneasy silence follows.

“Can you get us some pizza?” Len finally asks, sounding a bit gruff again.

“Sure,” Cisco pipes up, his cheer sounding a bit forced. “I can order some. I’ll get the menu, and you guys can pick whatever you want.”

The other man gets up and has to rather forcefully squeeze his way out between Dr. Wells and the couch table, judging by the former’s grunts. “Sorry,” Cisco apologizes, and Barry moves his head slightly, just to catch a glimpse of how friend rather hurriedly leaves the room.

“You want to sit down?” He turns to Jay, who meets his eyes with a friendly smile and nods to the space on the couch next to him.

“Sure,” he agrees and doesn’t miss how Len’s temperature seems to drop a couple degrees as he does so. When he turns to him, the other man doesn’t meet his eyes, though, and instead starts making his way over to Jay. Barry follows along, of course, as does Iris whose hand he is still holding, and he ends up sandwiched between Len and her, who in turn sits between Jay and him.

It is a bit crowded in here, too many people for his liking, but this time it doesn’t really scare him, especially with Len this close.

Joe takes a seat next to Harry, who is still rubbing his knee, and Barry suddenly wonders where Eobard is. The man hasn’t been around when he came back, and Caitlin only told him that he is probably out running as he seems to do this a lot these days.

“You really like pizza,” Wally remarks amused. Barry blinks and turns over to him, his cheek resting on Len’s shoulder. “Yes.”

“What’s your favorite one?” Jay asks, and he glances over to the man who is smiling at him in a nice and comforting way.

“Pineapple.” He lifts his head a bit as he ponders the question. “Pineapple and tuna.”

“Anything with pineapple, really,” Len adds and the fondness and amusement are audible in his voice. Barry nods in agreement.

“Really?” Iris sounds surprised, and studies him with a slight frown as he turns back to her. “I thought deep dish is your favorite.”

“No,” he mutters and squeezes his eyes shut anew, shuddering involuntarily. “I don’t like that one anymore.”

An acidic taste spreads through his mouth and he wishes he had something to drink.

“Can he take a sip?” Len asks, and Jay answers just a second later. “Of course.”

Barry feels his partner move, and in response firms his grip on him. Thankfully, Len doesn’t try to get up, and leans back into the couch just a moment later.

“Here,” he says in a familiar low and soothing voice. “Drink.”

Something smooth and cool is pressed against Barry’s lips, and his first impulse is to swat it away because he doesn’t want to drink this horrible stuff anymore. His inside is already cramping up, and he feels like he is going to get sick-

“It’s just coke, baby,” Len urges him on while he keeps stroking his side. “You like coke.”

Barry shivers and makes a small protesting sound but forces himself to let go of Iris’ hand and reach for the bottle instead. Len keeps a hold on it which is probably a good thing, and Barry reluctantly takes a sip.

It helps. The overwhelming sweetness of the drink washes the sour, bitter, and burning taste of acid away, and he greedily takes another sip, and another, before he empties the bottle in one long pull.

His body is shivering when he finally forces his eyes open and pries his fingers away from the smooth glass of the bottle.

“Sorry,” he mutters and rubs his eyes which feel wet again. He looks at the empty bottle in Len’s hand and bites his lower lip before he shoots Jay an unhappy look. “I drank your coke.”

“That’s fine,” the other man assures him readily. “I’ll just get another one.”

“You want me to fetch you another coke?” Wally asks Barry before he looks over to Jay and adds. “I can grab you one as well, I want to get one for me anyway.”

“Sure,” Jay agrees before Wally looks back to Barry.

“Can you get him a root beer instead?” Len asks.

“Sure,” Wally agrees but looks to Barry as if to wait for his consent.

He only nods in agreement, feeling still a bit nauseous, and turns to Iris. She looks pale, her eyes are shine with unshed tears again, and she has her lips pursed. He isn’t sure what to say and instead reaches for her hand hesitantly. Thankfully, Iris doesn’t pull away as he has feared, but grasps his hand and squeezes it tightly.

“I’m sorry,” she says quietly, voice a bit coarse.

“It’s okay.” Barry squeezes her hand back, hating the fact that he hurt her once more. “I still like your blueberry muffins.”

Iris snorts rather unladylike at that before she reaches up to rub her eyes and chuckles. “Bear…”

“She does make some mean blueberry muffins,” Wally agrees as he gets up and shoots him a smile, but eyes him a bit warily.

The door to the longue opens then, and Cisco comes back, a small stack of pamphlets in one hand.

“I’ve got about all the pizza delivery services of the Twins here, and if we can’t settle on one, we can totally order from different places,” he says towards Barry as he walks over to them.

Cisco lets Wally past before he retakes his own spot on the couch, this time careful not to bump into Harry who shoots him quite a glare.

“Hey, Wally, can you get me another coke as well?” he calls after the other young man. Wally, who has reached the door, turn back to him with an ached eyebrow. “Am I the delivery guy, or something?”

“No, but you’re on the way to get drinks, aren’t you?”

“You can’t know that.”

“Of course you’re of the way to get drinks! And if you care about your karma, you’ll get me a coke as well.”

“It’s a good think I never really cared about that Hindu shtick.”

“Come on-”

“Please, Wally, could you fetch me another one as well, seeing that you’re already on your way?” Dr. Stein interjects, and Barry watches how Wally’s grin is replaced by a slightly annoyed frown, that only grows when Joe adds. “For me as well, Wally.”

“Bunch of lazy-” Wally’s grumbling is cut off by the closing door.

“Thanks.” Cisco shoots both Joe and Dr. Stein a wide grin. He then turns to Barry, and the glee on his face dims away as he looks between Iris and him. “Everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine, Cisco,” Iris assures him and squeezes Barry’s hand.

The next ten minutes are spent deciding which pizza who wants and whether they could order at one place to get everybody what they want or not.

“I want a Margherita. I don’t care where it’s from.” Iris shrugs when Joe asked her about two of the dozen restaurants they’ve settled down to pick from.

“I think _Papa John’s_ offers the biggest choice,” Wally points out. “And I know from experience that their pizzas are amazing.”

“I don’t like their crusts,” Cisco argues. “It’s too thick.”

“What?” Wally shoots the man sitting next to him a look as if he’s crazy. “There is no such thing as too thick when it comes to a pizza crust. And they’ve the best stuffing.”

“Dude, no real pizza should have stuffing in their crust, and it shouldn’t be much thicker than a piece of cardboard,” the young scientist points out rather seriously.

“You’re a pizza snob,” Wally argues. “Your opinion is obsolete.”

“What?! I’m no snob, and how is that fair? I just know what makes a good pizza-”

“You’ve found anything so far,” Joe asks Barry, ignoring the two younger men next to him.

“Anything with pineapples,” he answers. “Len decides. He’s way pickier than me and as long as they put pineapples on it I’m fine.”

“Really?” Cisco seems to have temporary lost his interest in defending his superiority when it comes to recognizing a well-made pizza, and instead shoots him now a slightly disgusted look. “Even when it has anchovies on it?”

“Len doesn’t like anchovies.”

“What about meatballs?”

“Meatballs are fine.”

“You eat meatballs with pineapples?” Cisco sounds slightly horrified. “Really?”

“I like pineapples,” Barry reminds him as if this was explanation enough.

Cisco looks over to Len with a slightly dubious look.

“He ate crust with nothing but tomato sauce and pineapples before, he’s serious about pineapples.” Len shrugs.

“Just order a pizza Hawaii then,” Iris suggest. “It’s supposed to have pineapple on it.”

“Len doesn’t like ham,” Barry points out, but Len cuts him off. “It’s fine, I can take ham every once in a while.”

“Or order one side with ham and the other with salami or something,” Wally remarks and adds with a side-glance towards Cisco. “ _Papa John’s_ doesn’t charge any extra for it, and his pizzas Hawaii usually come with huge pineapple pieces.”

“Dude, so not cool,” Cisco complains and turns to Barry. “Let’s order the _Yummy Cat’s_ , their pizzas are way better, and you get extra spring rolls with every twenty-dollar order. Also, Caitlin loves their tuna salad”

“So much for being a pizza snob.” Wally snorts. “You want to order pizza from an Asian restaurant?”

“I’m no snob, okay?” Cisco lifts his chin and crosses his arms. “And just because it’s not an all pizza or outright Italian restaurant doesn’t mean that they can’t have the best pizza.”

“Some snob you are…”

“I’m _no_ snob!”

“You do remember that we can order from both, right?” Iris shoots them a rather unimpressed look before she turns to Barry to ask him whether he wants some dessert as well.

They order, and while they wait for the delivery to arrive, Caitlin joins them along with Ronny. They get some of the chairs from the nearby table to sit with them as the two couches are not big enough to hold ten people.

Cisco picks up on where he left off before when he told Barry all about what he has missed in various tv-shows during his time away, and the others don’t seem to mind, as they either listen or actually partake in the conversation.

Especially Jay, whose earth doesn’t have any of those show, finds it quite interesting, and Cisco quickly decides that they would have a Big Bang Theory marathon night in near future.

Barry only half listens, not really interested in what happened on television over the last two years, but he still welcomes the company.

The food arrives, and the topic changes to more scientific fields when the present scientists start to discuss something that has happened on one of the shows Cisco touched upon that seemed rather unlike to ever occur in real life.

Barry, who has gotten two pizza Hawaii, and one that his half Hawaii and half New Yorker style, makes sure that Len gets one slice of his before he starts to nibble on his own as his stomach is still feeling a bit queasy even though the root beer has helped somewhat. He enjoys the sweet juicy pineapple pieces the most, and ends up picking them off his half of the pizza while leaving the rest.

“Right!” Cisco gasps and causes Barry to freeze. “You’ve totally missed Age of Ultron! Dude, we’ve to watch this movie, like, _yesterday_!”

“That movie was crap,” Wally adds and ignores Cisco’s glare.

“Are you _trying_ to get on my bad side, man?” the young scientist grouses before he turns to Barry. “And he is a liar! The movie was awesome-”

“It was nothing like the first one-”

“Yeah, it was _better_!”

“Really? Ironman had like no character development, Hawkeye became a family man out of nowhere, Hulk and Black-”

“Hey now! You stop right there or we’re going to have a serious problem, my friend.” Cisco glares daggers at Wally who snorts but lifts his hands in an appeasing manner. “Right, I’m sorry. I won’t touch upon the farce that was the romance between those two.”

“ _Hey!_ ”

“The first movie isn’t really something to write home about either.” Both young men turn now to Harry and look at him like he is crazy.

“Blasphemy…” Cisco whispers and sounds nearly appalled which causes Harry to roll his eyes.

“I saw it,” Barry pipes up and pulls the other’s attention to him.

“You did?” Caitlin sounds as surprised as the rest, and Barry wonders whether they think that he has lived under a rock after he and the others escaped from the facility.

“Yeah.” He nods and rips a bit of dry crust off to nibble on it. “We laid low in a rather big City, they had movie theatres there, also some that played the movies in their original language.” He leans back against Len and adds absentmindedly. “My German has gotten pretty good by now, though, so I can probably visit any of the theatres there.”

“German,” Joe asks and leans a bit forward. “You’ve been hiding in Germany? In Europe?”

Barry feels himself tense up and suddenly worries that he has said too much, as he knows that Len wouldn’t want him to share the location of their hideout with anybody. He glances to the other man, who suddenly looks rather grim again, but not really angry.

“No,” Len replies curtly. “We haven’t.”

An uneasy silence settles between them.

“You could have come to us,” Joe finally says in a low and grave voice, and Barry feels his stomach drop but before he can try to explain or apologize, Len cuts him off. “Because we would have been so safe here?” He snorts before he goes on, a sneer on his lips. “You’ve no fucking idea what was done to us, these people didn’t put all that resources into us just to let us walk away.”

“We could have helped,” Joe argues, growing angry. “We wouldn’t have let them take you again, and you took Barry with you-”

“You think you could have helped us?” Len barks a laugh. “You’ve any idea about what kind of people we’re talking? If we’ve come here, and you tried to hide us, you’d have been shot pointblank, and that if you’re lucky-”

Barry makes a small protesting sound, and shivers violently. He hates to hear Len talk about his friends dying, he hates how angry Len sounds and how tensed up and static the air around them suddenly has gotten.

He doesn’t want these people to hurt his family and friends, the notion that they could do the same to them that they did to him and the others-

“It’s okay.” Len is cold, nearly icy to the touch, but his low and warm voice is like balm, and Barry doesn’t fight at all as the other man pulls him closer again. It is then, that he realizes that he has curled up on himself again. “You’re okay, Barry.”

“They can’t hurt them.” He shivers and buries his fingers into Len’s arm, feeling scared and wrought up again. “They c-can’t get them. _Please_ …”

“Nobody is getting anybody,” Len replies calmly, and cups his neck with his free hand and gives it a slight squeeze.

“They can’t hurt them,” he repeats stubbornly, and feels so damn helpless again all of a sudden. “Please, Len, they can’t…”

“They won’t.” Len sounds certain, and it helps.

“Please…” He is trembling, his whole body feels utterly alien again, and he firms his grip on the other man’s arm, knows that he’s probably hurting him, but he can’t help it. “Please…”

“Shhh.” Len pulls him closer, and Barry relents without hesitation.

It takes him a bit till he calms down again, and when he does, he notices how quiet the room around them has gotten.

Bleary eyed, he moves his head to look to the others, and notices how solemn all of them seem, how sad, especially Joe and Iris.

“’M sorry,” he murmurs, quietly, a bit embarrassed for what has happened just now, and feels the urge to climb on Len’s lap, like he has done a lot in the beginning after they fled the facility. He doesn’t want to make the others uncomfortable, though, and instead forces himself to sit back again.

“I’m sorry.” He sniffles and shoots an unhappy look to Iris and Joe. “I’m okay but… sometimes I’m…” He frowns, not sure how to explain it better, and leans a bit closer to Len again, still holding the other man’s arm.

“You’ve been through a lot, Mr. Allen.” Harry meets his surprised look, and he doesn’t miss the grimness, pain, and worry in his eyes as he speaks. “There is nothing for you to apologize for.”

“He’s right,” Cisco agrees, looking a bit pale around the nose but he sounds firm and certain. “You’ve been through a lot.” He glances at Len then for a second. “Well, all of you, and we totally get that what happened to you left behind scars, and that you don’t just recover from one day to the next from this.”

“These things need time,” Caitlin agrees with a watery smile. “And we’re here for you.”

Barry notices how Len tenses up at this, but before he can turn to him, he feels Iris move and a moment later the touch of her hand on his elbow. She looks weary and so sad, but she is still smiling when he turns to her.

“Bear, you’ve been through so much, and it hurts me to see what they did to you, but none of this was your fault.” She squeezes his elbow and her eyes are way too shiny, show the unshed tears she tries to hold back. “And nobody of us will think any less of your or hold it against you that you’re still hurting. We’re just so happy to have you back, dad and me have… we’ve missed you so much.”

It is hard to talk right then, and Barry feels like crying again, but this time not because he is scared or sad…

“I missed you too,” he tells her, his voice faint and coarse, and he lifts a hand from Len’s arm to cup Iris cheek. Len grows colder next to him, but he hardly picks up on it, and instead swallows before he goes on. “I don’t want to hurt you… but I… I can’t help it… I think I’m… they broke something in me and… and I don’t know how to put it back together…”

The tears feel hot on his cheeks, and he tenses up but doesn’t fight when Iris pulls him into another hug.

“We’ll help you,” she sobs, crying as well now. “You’re not alone in this, Bear.”

No, he isn’t, he has Len and the other Rogues, but… it seems that he has even more people that will support him, and it is such an unbelievable relief to realize that Iris is still there, that Joe, Cisco, Caitlin, and the others are still there…

Months ago, being strapped to a chair and put through horrible torture, Barry made his peace with the fact that his former life was gone and with it all the people he holds so dear.

But he has been wrong. They are still there, and they still seem to love him just as much as he loves them.

Barry buries his face in the crook of Iris’ neck, one hand around her back, the other one still holding on firmly to Len, and breathes her familiar and comforting smell in.

For the first time in what seems to have been an eternity, Barry feels really at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Barry is back at S.T.A.R. labs again... what a twist. ;)
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, it is a bit on the emotional site with Joe and Iris really experiencing some of the scars Barry's time in the facility left him with. Good thing Len was there, he knows pretty well how to take care of a triggered Barry.
> 
> The next chapter is already done, but I will probably stick to this once every threeish weeks uploading schedule so that I've time to write one in advance just to be on the safe side.
> 
> Your feedback is as always very welcome.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	12. The Wolf and the Sheep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry has a nightmare that has unexpected consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not edited.

* * *

It is nice to be with the others again.

They haven’t even been apart for a week, but Barry can’t help but realize that he really missed them. All of them, even _Frances_ and _Mark_.

Being around them is familiar, it’s like slipping a well-worn glove on – _soothing_ in a way.

“They got me pizza,” he tells Hartley excitedly, who is sitting with him on the couch, tinkering on something he is calling his _Pied Piper flute_ which is just goofy, and Barry _loves_ it.

His friend hums, studying the slender long device with a critical expression. “They did?”

“Yes,” he agrees and moves closer so that his knee is bumping against Hartley’s thigh which causes his friend to grow still for a moment. “With extra pineapple. And Wally got me like a tray of pineapple cans later on. He doesn’t like them, so we didn’t share, but Joe, Cisco, and Harry ate some.”

Hartley, slowly relaxes again before he shoots Barry a slight frown. “Harry? The Wells from the other earth?”

“Yeah.” Barry nods, and leans back against the couch. “His daughter is missing, an evil speedster from the other world has kidnapped her, I think.”

“There’s _another_ evil speedster?” Sam asks from his spot at the table where a couple of the others are currently playing a game of poker. He sounds not exactly exited about that prospect. “Didn’t the Wells from this world turn out to be an evil speedster from the future?”

Not really wanting to talk about Eobard, Barry only shrugs, and moves a bit closer to Hartley-

“Barry.” His friend shoots him a look that is both unhappy and exasperated but not angry. “You’re too close, I can’t concentrate like that.”

“Uh, oh…” Barry nods, feeling stupid and skids a bit back to give the other man more space. “Sorry, Hart.”

“’S fine,” Hartley assures him with a tight smile before he turns back to his flute.

“So, how many evil speedsters are there we’ve to worry about?” Sam reclaims Barry’s attention with this question, and he needs to think about this for a moment, trying to remember what exactly he learned over the last couple of days.

He lifts his hand and shows two fingers. “Two, I think…”

“You _think_?” Roy asks, who sits opposite to Sam, as he pick his beer up and takes a sip.

“Could be more,” Barry points out, tilting his head a bit and pulling his legs up, so that he can loop his arms around them. “There seem to be many words out there, after all.”

“So,” Roy goes on as he leans back into his chair, and despite the dark glasses he is wearing, Barry is pretty sure that he is squinting at him contemplatively. “Does that mean there are more like you? And like the rest of us?”

Barry shrugs and shivers, feeling a bit jittery all of a sudden, so that he gets up.

“Because we need any more emotionally instable assholes like Mardon and you.” Sam snorts as he puts his next wager down.

“Fuck you,” Roy says annoyed, but even so there isn’t that much bite behind it. He is a surprisingly mellow guy most of the time, and generally doesn’t like to use his powers that much anymore, so that Barry usually likes to be around him.

“Roy isn’t instable,” he points out to Sam, who shoots him an amused look but agrees. “Yeah, you’re right, Speedy, he really isn’t _compared_ to Mardon.”

“I’d flip you off if I could bring myself to care about a walking joke like you,” Roy mutters as he turns back to his hand, studying his cards.

“You wanna join in, Barry?” Lashawn asks rather forcefully, effectively stopping Sam from retorting. “We’ve just started, I’m sure those two boneheads won’t mind.”

“Yeah,” Sam agrees. “Please do, those two suck so badly at this game that I feel like I’m taking advantage of them.”

Barry likes the idea of playing poker and takes the seat next to Lashawn who hardly flinches when he suddenly appears next to her. He gets a dirty look from Roy, though, or thinks so at least. It is difficult to tell with his shades on.

“Why are you wearing your glasses, Roy?” he asks curiously and picks the couple of cards up Sam deals him.

Roy is pretty good at controlling his powers these days, and Barry knows that he doesn’t like to wear the shades indoors all that much.

“Because he’s troubles not infecting the rest of us with his ongoing cheerfulness,” Sam answers in place of the other man and gets a glare in return from Roy that is obvious even despite his eyes not being visible.

“Stop being an ass, Scudder.” Lashawn frowns darkly, not pleased by how Sam seem to try and rub it the wrong way with Roy.

“Your powers bothering you?” Barry frowns and ignores Sam’s retort while Roy turn his attention back to him. The criminal grimaces slightly before he shrugs. “Somewhat.”

“Why? You’re getting sick?” The concern is audible in his voice, and he watches how Roy’s grim expression wanes a bit.

“Nah.” The other man shakes his head and looks back to his hand. “The run in with those psychos did just a number on me.”

“They hurt you?” Barry asks, unhappy about this piece of information, and shifts restlessly in his seat.

Len told him about the group that has been after them, the dangerous people who ambushed them during their last job, probably about the same time he himself was caught, and probably also part of A.R.G.U.S.

The lady he met after he woke up in the laboratory, Waller, told him that she didn’t know about his friends’ whereabouts, but it is more than likely that she simply lied. People like her do that _a lot_.

“I’m fine,” Roy replies, giving him a thin but friendly smile. “Just overdid it a bit.”

“That’s an understatement.” Sam snorts. “You made Mick livid enough that he tried to fry the rest of us crispy-”

“That was an accident!” Roy hisses, and even despite his shades Barry can pick up on how he starts to feel even more restless.

Restless, and _annoyed_ …

“We know that,” Lashawn quickly agrees while she shoots Sam a warning look.

“Don’t fight,” Barry cuts Sam off before the man can retort with something that would probably only cause the mood to become even tenser as he really doesn’t want this to happen.

Len isn’t here right now, and he feels strung up enough as it is due to his absence.

“We don’t,” Sam assures him before he shoots Roy a smirk. “We’re just having a conversation, don’t we, Roy?”

“Fuck you,” the other man says rather tersely which causes Sam to chuckle.

“What’s with the language, people?” Axel asks as he chooses this moment to enter what they are using as the main room to socialize in their current hideout. He has a bright orange popsicle in one hand and a beer in the other, and Barry is pretty sure that this is likely what the other man is having for lunch today.

Axel nods to Lashawn. “I mean, is that a way to talk around a lady?” He then winks at her which earns him a roll of her eyes. “Buzz off, Walker, will ya?”

“Ouch.” Axel reaches for his chest as if hurt as he is coming to a stop next to Sam. “You’re such a harsh mistress, my sweet-”

“Finish the sentences, and I’ll teleport you to the middle of the ocean,” she warns with a scowl.

“Why are you always so mean?” Axel shoots her a clearly fake frown. “I’m just being a-”

“Asshat,” Sam provides while Roy offers. “Annoying twat.”

“Fuck you too,” Axel returns with a wide grin and takes the seat next to Sam before he turns to Barry. He aches an eyebrow. “Where’s our grumpy ass of a leader, Barry-bear?”

“Don’t call him that,” Barry tells the other man a bit irked but adds. “He’s resting.”

“Headache again?”

“Yeah…”

“Sucks,” Axel offers, and Barry can only agree.

Len started to not feel too well about an hour after they finished their pizzas, and while he tried not to show it, Barry could still tell. He feels guilty now when he thinks back to how he still wanted to stick around at S.T.A.R. labs for a bit longer, despite knowing that his partner is probably not feeling too well, and Len, who probably knew how much he enjoyed being with his family and friends again, just grit his teeth and stayed quiet. At least, till his headache got bad enough that his powers started to act out and let the temperature around him pummel to around 40 degrees Fahrenheit.

Barry took this as their sign to leave, and it still doesn’t sit well with him how hurt Joe and Iris seemed when he told them that he would leave with Len. He assures them that he would come back the next day, and they didn’t really try to stop him after their initial objections, probably because he grew increasingly anxious by the notion of Len going back to the hideout without him, but it has been still more than palpable that they didn’t understand why he would want to return here.

They didn’t like it, neither did Cisco, Caitlin, or the rest who seemed rather concerned with his decision, and while they didn’t say so outright, he still knew that they thought he made a mistake.

He could have asked Len to stay there with him, but that would have been cruel. He knows how helpless his partner feels when he has one of his migraines and is hardly able to move at all. It is worse enough for him when he is in a place he feels somewhat safe, asking him to try and endure one of his episodes while he was in a laboratory inside the Twins would have been just awful.

Barry’s gaze lingers on his cards, but he is hardly picking up on what he sees as he tries to ignore the nagging guilt that has reared its ugly head as he thinks about how he has caused Joe, Iris, and his friends to worry once again.

The notion that he could hurt them is unsettling, as it the one to disappointing them…

He thought he would never see them again, and he is overjoyed that he was wrong, but now he realizes that all of this is so much more complicated than it has been before-

“Barry?” Lashawn eyes him with concern when he looks to her. She seems to hesitate for a second before she points out. “It’s your turn.”

“Huh?” His mind needs a moment to catch up on the fact that he is currently involved in a game. “Oh… sorry. Check.”

“Hey, Bar,” Axel says, causing him to turn to the other man. “’S there still the hot scientist working at that place? The one with the white hair?”

“Caitlin?”

“Yeah.” Axel hums in agreement as he leans back into his chair and smirks. “You think she’d wanna play doctor with me?” He wiggles his eyebrow at that which causes Sam to snort into his can of beer.

“Oh shut up,” Lashawn tells him, making a disgusted face. “Your lechery is getting gross, Walker.”

“What?” Axel shrugs. “I’m just wanna check all my options-”

“Because anybody with an academic title and any kind of self-esteem would wanna screw you?” Sam asks amused and grins when the younger man flips him off in response.

“I’m just getting bored of my right hand-”

“Nobody wants to know about that,” Roy cuts him off with a groan.

“You don’t get it, Rainbow.” Axel crosses his arms in front of his chest and huffs. “Your chance of getting it on here is way better than mine. The male to female ratio is clearly in the favor of our four resident gays.”

“We could have another ten chicks on the team,” Hartley interjects from his place at the couch without lifting his gaze from the device he is still working on. “And you’d still be the last person who’d get laid, Trickster.”

“You’re one to talk.” Axel snorts and nods to Barry. “Your chances are even worse than mine considering that your sweetheart-”

“ _Slap yourself_!” Hartley hisses sharply and just a moment later the loud smacking sound of Axel doing just that cuts through the room.

A brief pause follows.

Then Sam barks a laugh, and Axel jumps to his feet, causing his chair to topple to the ground, before he goes after Hartley, who is not quick enough to scramble away before the other man is already upon him and punches him straight into his face.

“Fuck o-” Hartley is cut off by another punch, and Barry can hear the crack of the other man’s nose breaking, which causes him to whimper in response.

“Stop it, you damn idiots!” Lashawn is up as well, running over to the other two man.

“You think you’re funny, Piper!? What do you think about a taste of my powers, then, you little fag!?” Axel sounds livid, and Barry pulls his legs up, so that his feet are resting on his chair, and buries his face behind his knees, shutting his eyes tights as he tries to make himself as small as possible.

A shudders goes through his body when he hears Hartley scream in pain next, and Lashawn is yelling at Axel again, and he hears Sam get up, cursing under his breath-

Barry is out the door, up the stairs, and inside their room before he can really think about what he is doing.

Len is cold to the touch, and Barry whimpers, uttering an apology as he presses himself against the other man. His body is trembling, a mixture of anxiety and feeling the jitters again, and it helps to have him close, to feel Len’s solid cool body next to him.

His partner must have been sleeping when Barry joined him in bed as he tenses up in response to his touch, but only briefly before he lays an arm around his back, starting to rub soothing circles between his shoulders while he still seems to try to shake his sleep off.

“What happened?” Len’s voice is raspy and still thick from sleep, but he doesn’t sound as tense as when he was still in pain.

“Sorry,” Barry repeats miserably and buries his face in the crook of Len’s neck. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you… I… I’m sorry…”

Len hums, pressing his lips against Barry’s shoulder, before he rests his head back onto his pillow. “They haven’t started to kill each other, have they?”

Barry smiles slightly and chuckles. “No…” He frowns then and adds a bit more hesitant. “I don’t think so…”

“Great.” Len sighs and pulls him closer. “Mardon?”

“No, Axel and Hart.”

“Would’ve been my next guess.” The other man snorts, and Barry notices that starts to sound drowsy again while the movement of the hand on his back slows down. He closes his own eyes and breathes in Len’s smell which always succeeds to calm him.

“You’re safe,” Len murmurs. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Barry knows that…

“I won’t let anybody hurt you either,” he replies quietly.

“I know,” Len agrees easily and gives his back a slight squeeze. “We’ll watch out for each other.”

“And the others.”

“Of course.”

Barry listens to Len, to how his breath slows down and evens out once more, and he feels himself start to relax again.

Here, he is safe.

***

_“The more you struggle, Barry, the more painful this will be for you.”_

_The woman, Dr. Danielle, tells him coldly, watching him as he tries to vibrate free from the bindings that keep him to the table._

_“Stop it!” he cries, and the pain is so bad that he is sounding nearly hysteric._

_“Calm down, Barr-”_

_“Fuck you!”_

_They’ve been cutting him open! They’ve been cutting him open while he is still fully conscious but unable to react in any way, and he can still make out what must be his liver on the table next to one of the surgeons!_

_Oh god! Oh god, oh god, ohgodohgodohgod-_

_He needs to get out of here!_

_The group surgeons who have been working on him have gotten some distance between themselves and him, obviously wary of his powers suddenly setting in again despite whatever they’ve been keeping him injected with._

_“Barry, you’re only making this worse-”_

_It hurts! It hurts so much, and he is afraid! He has never been this terrified in his entire life so far, not even when the man in yellow killed his mom!_

_What is happening to him!? Why are these people doing this!? Where’s Joe, where is Doctor Wells?! Someone has to help him! Anyone!_

_He screams, feeling like his inside is ripped apart as he tries to intensify his vibration, get it to work like it did with that door, but he can’t-_

There is a pull.

It is like someone gripped a part of him and is tugging at him, and Barry moves.

Adrenalin is pumping through his body while his mind is fogged up with the memory of pain and terror, and he has no idea where he is going. It doesn’t matter, he just needs to get away from-

Something crashes into him, causes him to lose his footing and stumble, and then he is skidding along the ground, fast enough that he would likely kill anything unlucky enough to come in his way, and he instinctively starts to vibrate, making it possible for him to phase through anything and anybody.

There is not much, though, there are trees, then hardly any green anymore, and finally he is able to get his footing back someplace flat, and that has nothing to offer but dirt and rocks. He comes to a halt, then, as he notices a cliff in front of him, and his body is already in enough pain that he doesn’t need to worsen it by dropping down from who knows how high.

He forces himself to stop, and his heart is racing like crazy in his chest as he tries to understand what has just happened.

The only real thing he can grasp, though, is the fear that is still engulfing him like a heavy blanket.

Barry has no idea where he is. He has no idea how…

Dr. Danielle… they cut him…

He groans before he drops to his knees and reach up whatever his stomach has still to offer.

The memory of that day is clear as day in his mind, and he hates it! Why can’t they leave him alone!?

He whimpers, digging his fingers painfully hard in the hard ground, and wishes Len was here. He run away because of the nightmare, something he has done a number of times before, and he feels scared. He doesn’t know where he is, and everything hurts, and Len is not there!

Then, Barry feels the pull again, and he is suddenly aware of the presence behind him. It causes him to freeze, and for a horrible moment he thinks that it is Dr. Danielle, that she found him and would him take back to the laboratory…

No…

He shudders and squeezes his eyes shut, the taste of vomit thick on his tongue.

No, she is dead… he _killed_ her…

The feeling of her brain as he moves his hand through it… he can still remember it. How thick it felt, how warm it was-

Barry sobs and pushes himself away from where he emptied his stomach before he makes himself as small as possible, curling up around his legs, his forehead pressed into the hard cool ground, and he just wants to forget.

The person, whoever it is, comes closer, he can hear their steps, and he knows he should get moving, get away as fast and as far as possible because this is not safe, but he can’t.

He just can’t…

… where is Len? He needs him! He is scared, and Len is supposed to be _here_!

Barry starts to cry as he tries not to be drowned by the terror and hopelessness that are clinging to him with their cold hands.

Someone, the stranger, crouches next to him, and he tries to curl up even more, whimpering in fear as he is unable to do anything else.

A hand touches the back of his hand then, and Barry freezes up and grows utterly still.

For a long moment, it only seems to rest there, before its fingers start to run through his hairs in an oddly soothing way.

“You’ve so much speed,” a voice says then, calm but oddly distorted, similar to how Barry sounds when he vibrates his vocals, but lower. “So much power.”

Barry shudders and squeezes his eyes shut even harder. He feels like a mouse trapped in the claws of a cat, and he thinks he knows who that person next to him is, the man who undoubtedly caused him to lose his footing before.

“You don’t need to cry,” Zoom goes on, calmly, still patting his head. “Nobody can hurt you if you don’t let them. You can kill anybody before they could be any kind of threat to you.”

The words are unsettling, and Barry wants to protest that he can’t do such a thing, that he wouldn’t, but he can’t really bring himself to. He is exhausted, emotionally much more than physically, and the touch is strange but nice, soothingly so, and there is something else…

“You’ve so much raw power,” the other man repeats again, sounding nearly awed as he does so. “I’ve never met someone like you before, with the speed force nearly oozing off you.”

Barry hums as his body starts to relax more and more. Whatever Zoom wants, it doesn’t seem to be to hurt him, and the comfort he offers is alluring, calming-

It is similar to the pull of before, a blip in the back of his mind that suddenly flares up before the man next to him is gone, and he is pushed back into a sitting position rather forcefully.

“Get to your damn feet, Barry,” Eobard orders him sharply, and for a horrible long moment, all he can see is the man in yellow. The other man sounds so angry and tense that Barry doesn’t hesitate before he follows along.

His body still hurts, the broken bones have not entirely mended just yet, but the pain is not unbearable and certainly not alien, so that he has no real problems to move.

Eobard is standing in front him, nearly as if he was trying to shield him from the view of the other speedster, and a rather calm but grim expression is belying the seething anger that seems to be coming off him in waves.

“You’ve come for another dance,” Zoom chuckles, his voice much more distorted and much creepier sounding than before. “Thawne?”

“Leave,” Eobard replies, and Barry watches how he clenches his fits tightly enough that he must be hurting himself. “The others-”

“They’re _slow_ ,” the black speedster cuts him off, sounding amused. “You know so. You’ve fought them before. If I wanted to kill you, you’d be long dead before any of your little friends could ever get here.”

“You’ll keep your distance to us,” Eobard returns coldly, seemingly unimpressed by the other man’s threat, but Barry somehow knows that it is only show.

Zoom tilts his head again, and it is odd how he can tell despite the man’s mask that he is smiling. “You’re threatening me, Eobard?”

“I _am_ ,” Eobard agrees, shifting slightly, as if to prepare himself if he had to move quickly.

Zoom snorts, audibly bemused, clearly not taking the other speedster serious as a threat. “The only reason-” And suddenly, Zoom is right there in front of Eobard, and it isn’t an attack but an obvious threat as he bores his eyes in the other man’s. “- you’re still alive is because of your _entertainment value_ to me.”

Barry watches how Eobard tenses up as Zoom says this, and he wonders with apprehension whether they are going to fight each other now.

“You can’t kill me,” Eobard retorts quietly, meeting the other man’s gaze with a glare.

The pause that follows is unsettling and frightening, and Barry watches them stare at each other wordlessly.

He shifts and wonders about leaving them here, about running back to his friends… he has no idea where he is, though. His first assumption would be the US because of the presence of the other two speedsters, but that would mean that he run from Europe across the sea to the America in what could have been hardly more than a couple of minutes and… and that’s impossible. Even for him.

He isn’t that fast.

Barry shivers, and suddenly feels like running again or like punching something. He just needs to get rid of some of the energy that is still prickling just underneath his skin, making him feel restless and anxious.

But he _doesn’t_ want to. Not after what has just happened…

The notion of actually running, tapping into the speed force, holds no appeal to him. Not now, at least. Not when his powers are acting up like this again.

What he wants to do is get back to where Len and the others are, but he doesn’t even know where he is now. It seems to be pretty much somewhere in nowhere, there’s nothing but dirt and rock as far as he can see in the faint light of the moon above them. It would probably take him hours before he would reach some place inhabited with a mirror should he decide to move on like a normal person…

It is frustrating, and he nearly gives in the urge to move, to run despite the apprehension that is filling him at the mere thought of it, but there is something else that holds him back as well.

Zoom is fast, fast enough that he was able to keep up with him and attack him before. He is not someone Barry wants to lead back to his friends by accident.

Neither is Eobard. Though, Barry thinks that he is probably faster than the older speedster, and could outrun him.

… possibly, at least.

Taking that chance doesn’t sit well with him, though, not with the man in yellow and not when Len and the others are involved. Dr. Wells’ face is not what he has imagined to find under the ugly mask of his mother’s murderer, especially not after working with him for months, but this only makes it worse in a way.

Barry trusted Eobard, believed him when he told him that he just wanted to help him, and the man has done nothing but lie to him so far. It is frightening to imagine how much he must hate him to go this far – travel to the past – to try and kill him.

It is even more daunting to know that his mother only died because Eobard wasn’t able to kill _him_ …

Barry’s fingers dig into the hem of his shirt. He shakes his head, grits his teeth, and hisses.

The guilt that wraps around him like a blanket is thick, and cold, and miserable, and Barry feels how his eyes start to itch as he tries to force himself to stop thinking about this.

This doesn’t matter anymore; all this lays in the past! The past can’t hurt him, memories can’t hurt him, not really, not if he doesn’t let them, Len assured him of it, and he knows that Len wouldn’t lie to him.

Len is his lightening rod, he roots him, comforts him, helps him to make sense of these world around him that has become so alien to him over the last couple of years, and Barry wants to get back to him! He wants to run, look for him, _find_ him!

… but he doesn’t at the same time, he really doesn’t, not when his powers are getting strange again, and he also doesn’t want to fight or lead Zoom to his friends...

His jaw joints hurt by how hard he is gritting his teeth together as his eyes move to Zoom absentmindedly while he keeps debating in his head what he should do now.

It catches him completely off-guard when he finds that the other man is looking right back at him, and he freezes in response.

It is then that Barry notices how the world around him has grown still and quiet, and he realizes that he must have tapped into the speed force without noticing. The black speedster did so obviously as well, and he is watching him with intense eyes that are unsettling, creepy nearly. Barry shivers and makes a step back, not taking his eyes off the other man even for a moment.

Zoom watches him, and even though Barry can’t see his face, he has the feeling that the other man isn’t in a violent mood but is rather studying him curiously. This isn’t nearly as reassuring as it probably should have been, though.

Then, the speedster makes his way around Eobard, and Barry picks up on how the latter is not moving but seems frozen in place like the world around them.

Barry frowns and turns his focus back on Eobard to study him briefly.

Why isn’t he moving? Did Zoom do something to him?

A chuckle turns his attention back to the other speedster who has stopped about two feet away from him.

“He’s slow too,” Zoom explains as he has picked up on what he is thinking, and once again Barry is sure that the man is smiling, maybe smirking, behind his mask.

“Slow?” He frowns and shuffles a bit further back, away from the other speedster. This doesn’t make any sense. “But he’s fast like me-”

“He’s not,” Zoom cuts him, sounding amused by the mere notion of it. “He has speed but not like us. He’s a relic of the past.” He pauses then, as if to consider something before he chuckles. “Or the future. Depends on how you look at it.”

Barry has no idea what the man is talking about. He thinks about asking what he means but decides against it. It doesn’t really matter, and he would much rather prefer to get away from here if he could.

With Zoom in front of him, this would proof to be a difficult thing, though.

“You’re going to hurt me?” he asks, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, and wishes once again that he was still in bed with Len. He wants to feel safe again…

“No.” Zoom sounds calmer, less threatening, and for a long, tense, and rather awkward moment he seems to just study him again.

Barry shivers, feeling uncomfortable by the other man’s behavior, and crosses his arms in front of his chest, frowning slightly. “What do you want then?”

Zoom tilts his head slightly, considering him.

“We’ll see,” he finally replies, and before Barry has a chance to really try and make sense of that dubious answer, the other speedster is gone once more, leaving him behind with a mixture of confusion and dread as he can feel that odd sensation of a pull in the back of his mind again.

When he turns his attention back to Eobard, he notices that the other man has indeed moved, he is facing him now, looking just as angry as before, and suddenly the world around him comes back to life.

“Where is he?!” Eobard is suddenly in front of him, looking furious, eyes glowing red, and grabs Barry at his shoulder with an actually painful grip. “What did he say to you?”

A familiar terror overcomes Barry, and he slams his vibrating hand towards the other man’s chest before he can think of what he’s actually doing. Eobard, contrary to last time, is able to evade him this time, though, or at least move enough to prevent the vibrating hand to penetrate the center of his chest.

The feeling of a wet warmth engulfs Barry’s fingers for a brief moment before a fist collides with the side of his head with enough force that he is nearly knocked off his feet. He stumbles a couple of steps while the other man hisses in pain, cursing him through clenched teeth.

“You damn idiot,” Eobard forces out, obviously in pain as he presses his hands against his right side. “Stop doing this, or I’ll end up taking both of your eyes the next time.”

Barry shivers, a small scared noise passes his lips, and takes a step back while he is still rubbing his right cheek, though the pain has already subsided for the most part.

The other man’s glare grows more intense for second before it dims away, and he shifts his gaze towards their surroundings, probably looking out for Zoom.

An uncomfortable silence settles between them as Eobard seems to wait for the worst of the pain in his side to pass, and Barry fight the urge to run which is getting bigger by the second.

“What are you doing here?” The other speedster turns back to him, meeting his eyes with a still very much pissed off expression. “Aren’t you supposed to be with Snart and his merry men?” He says Len’s name with audible dislike, like it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

Barry ignores it, as he is still not sure whether Eobard is here for a fight or not. Instead, he shifts uneasily and shrugs. “I had a nightmare and…” He shrugs once more helplessly, not sure how to explain or whether he wants to really touch upon this point at all.

“A nightmare?” Eobard studies him with a thoughtful expression as he seems to consider his words. There is a slight frown on his face while he keeps rubs his side, and Barry doesn’t like being watched like that, it reminds him of Dr. Danielle.

Another shiver runs through his body, and he crosses his arms once more in front of his chest, shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other. He doesn’t like to be around the other man, and he doesn’t like how he looks at him.

“I want to go home,” he finally murmurs when the silence has become too uneasy for him, and his words sound oddly loud in the otherwise quiet area.

“You run here,” Eobard says, and it isn’t really a question. His expression is still grim but no longer angry, and Barry shifts nervously but nods.

A wind picks up, and Barry likes how cool it feels, not bitingly so but comforting in a way. A bit like when Len’s hands brush over his skin.

“Do you know where we are?” Eobard eyes him with an expression he can’t put a finger on, not that it really matters to him right now. The other speedster doesn’t seem in the mood to hurt him, not right now, and Barry really wants to get back to the others.

He shakes his head in response, and Eobard’s frown deepens a bit before he seems to shake it off.

“This is Salta, Argentina.”

Barry starts to feel nauseated once more, and he firms the hold of his arms around himself as he starts to glance around with a distressed expression.

This can’t be right…

How could he have run here this quickly? How is this possible? He was probably running no more than a couple of minutes if even that…

Barry’s teeth dig into his lower lip as he tries to understand what has just happened not even ten minutes ago.

Could he just run across an ocean now as well? He doubts it, he doesn’t feel different to how he felt before he went to bed, a bit charged up and restless but not like he could suddenly run faster than usual.

His powers scare him in times like this, when they act up, and he is left feeling alien in his own body, with no explanation whatsoever about what is happening to him or having any idea what consequences this will have.

Another shiver runs through him before the unexpected taste of copper fills his mouth, and he realizes that he has bitten his lip open once more.

“We should get to Central City,” Eobard tells him, straightening up, and his hand no longer pressed against his side. By the tension with which he is holding himself, it is very apparent that he is still in pain, though.

“No,” Barry protests and wipes a hand over his chin to get rid of the blood there. “I need to get back to the other.”

Eobard doesn’t protest or react furious to his need to find his friends like he did the last time around, instead he studies him with an expression Barry isn’t sure how to interpret.

“You wouldn’t care to tell me where Snart and the others currently are,” Eobard asks, and Barry shifts nervously, flinching when he bites the still tender flesh of his just healed lip again.

There is no way in hell that he would tell this man where the Rogues are, he would fight him before he’d lead him back to them. Len would be able to take care of him, as would Lisa, but he isn’t so sure about the rest, and he doesn’t want anything to happen to them.

“Relax, Barry.” Eobard meets his anxious gaze calmly, and he considers him for a moment longer, before he suggests. “I own a house in Catamarca, we can get there, and you can call Scudder to pick you up.”

That is not what Barry has expected the other speedster to say, and despite the wave of relief that washes over him at the prospect to get back to Len, there is a suspicious voice in the back of his mind that reminds him of who this man actually is.

“Neither you nor your friends have anything to fear from me for now,” Eobard adds when the silence between them got too long. “I know from Caitlin that you plan to return to the labs tomorrow as it is, and I’ve no desire to start a fight with you. You can trust me.”

Hearing this makes Barry angry. Angry and sad, because he _did_ trust this man once…

Even so, he really wants to get away from here and back to his friends, to Len. The unease he feels seems to grow worse by the minute, and while he still is reluctant to agree, he tries to remind himself that he could probably outran Eobard, that he could fight…

He doesn’t want to, but he could.

A harsh shiver runs through Barry’s body as he finally nods slowly. “Okay, I’d like to use your mirror,” he agrees before he adds with a slight scowl. “But I don’t trust you.”

Amusement flickers through Eobard’s eyes for a second as he eyes him with a smirk that isn’t particularly friendly. “You’ve definitely become smarter, then.”

Barry doesn’t reply, not really caring whether the other speedster thinks that he is stupid or not, and instead waits for him to move.

After another uneasy moment of silence, Eobard nods, turns towards north, and glances back to him. “I won’t slow down for you, so try to keep up.”

Barry nods and doesn’t care to explain that the other man is probably the one who’d likely have problem to keep up in an actual race.

Eobard eyes him a second longer before he turns around.

He doesn’t move, though, but instead seems to halt for a second, as if he was reconsidering his offer.

It makes Barry nervous, and he shifts, preparing himself to run, to _fight_ if necessary-

“Would you like to see your father?”

The question causes Barry to freeze, and he returns Eobard’s considering look with wide eyes, unsure how to reply.

His father…

His dad…

Barry makes a small sound in the back of his throat, it is a cross between a protest and a plea, and he starts to vibrate when the meaning of this words really hit him. His body is flooded by the speed force, by the need to move, the need to do something, anything, see his dad again-

“I can get you to him,” Eobard adds, eying him thoughtfully. “I’m sure you’d like to see him; it has been a while since your last visit after all.”

“M-my dad…” Barry’s voice is distorted, and he feels a bit lightheaded all of a sudden.

“Yes,” the other speedster agrees, smiling a thin but not particularly comforting smile.

Barry whimpers, reaching up with his right hand to grip his hair and pull on it painfully, feeling distraught and scared all over again.

“I want my dad…” he utters, and he watches how a rather intense scowl settles over Eobard’s face for a moment before the other man nods grimly. “Then you’ll have to keep up with me.”

The other speedster moves then without another world, connecting to the speed force with ease like he is slipping on a well-worn glove.

Barry follows easily enough.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Zoom decided to pass by again... nice fellow, isn't he?
> 
> Also, Eobard and Zoom don't seem to like each other very much, who would have thought... ;)
> 
> Zoom in this story is going to be different than of the show, familiar in some ways, but I'm going for a different characterization and motivation when it comes to the black speedster.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed it! Thanks for reading, and your feedback is always very welcome! <3


	13. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry has grown accustomed to sleepless nights over the last two years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not edited.

* * *

It is a sleepless night for Dr. Henry Allen.

One that just adds to the long chain of sleepless nights he had over the last couple of years.

Exhaling a frustrated huff of air, Henry rolls onto his back once again, looking up at the ceiling above him that is covered by the darkness of the late hour. He can hear the soft snoring of a couple of the other inmates in the cells next to his, as well as the angry mutter of Winston, one of the guys who has been in here for nearly twice as long as he has so far, and who tends to talk to himself at night even though he is a rather sound fellow for the rest of the time.

Henry rubs his callous hand over his face, sighing softly as he squeezes his tired eyes shut and finally accepts that he would have to face tomorrow without any sleep again. It wouldn’t be the first time, and by now the guards knew about his bouts of insomnia so that they usually went easy on him, not that he would be able to mess up too much during his shift in the laundry room.

His hand sinks onto his chest, and he listens to the noises around him that the late hour has dimmed down considerably. Winston’s mutter has become as familiar over the years as the snoring of the other inmates or the sound of them moving around in their beds.

One of the guards, probably Lewis, is making his half-hourly checkup round before vanishing back to his two colleagues to play another game of poker or watch some movie while they wait for their night-shift to end.

Everybody is welcoming how things have settled down after the first couple of crazy months that have followed the opening of the meta-human ward in Iron Heights…

Henry frowns and rolls onto his side, is mouth pressed into a thin line.

He is _not_ going to think about that.

His gaze travels to the bars of his cell, slightly hoping for Lewis or Miller to make another round as they sometimes do, just so to have something to concentrate on. He could maybe even have a small chat with them, the guards like him well enough, and they usually don’t mind talking to him for a bit when he isn’t able to sleep.

The air outside is quiet, though, and he notices that even Winston’s muttering has died down by now as well.

His luck, of course…

The prospect of having another four hours in front of him before they would turn the light back on is beyond frustrating, and he feels the sudden urge to hit something arise in him, it is so strong that his fists clench up on their own.

For a long minute he stays like this.

Tensed up, angry, and close to snapping under the emotions that are coiling up inside his chest to a tight, heavy, cold knot that makes his skin feel too tight, and the knowledge of being caged up seem nearly unbearable.

It will pass. The feeling will pass, and he will calm down, he knows that. He just has to breath and wait. It always goes like that. He just has to wait for the anger and frustration to let go…

Laying in the darkness of his cell, alone with his thoughts is probably the most horrible thing about being in prison.

He would give anything to be able to get up and do something, anything but feeling this helpless and _stuck_.

Memories of how it has been before all of this started become fainter with each year, more painful to look back at, and he tries to focus on his breathing, on nothing but his breathing.

It would be time to get up soon, just a couple more hours. He can do that. He has done so before, and he will do so tonight as well.

The thought to face another day being locked up like an animal, doing mundane work that is really meaningless, is like a leech, though. It sucks the energy right out of him and makes the notion to go on like this nearly unbearable.

In moment like this he just wants it all to end.

Henry swallows around the lump in his throat and exhales the air in his lungs slowly before taking another deep breath in, repeating this till the tension and anger finally starts to loosen up a bit-

Someone grabs him by his arms, his body freezes up in response, surprised and alarmed, but before he can even open his eyes, the oddest sensation overcomes him, like he is pulled, and he can’t breathe for a horrible moment before his knees hit firm but cold ground.

It is utterly disorientating, the air around him is cool and humid, and smells of rain. Henry groans as the feeling of getting sick overcomes him for a moment before he suddenly finds someone in his arms, hugging him, nearly crushingly so, and he utters a protest, confused and alarmed, ready to fight-

“D-Dad… Daddy…”

Henry freezes up, he grows utterly stiff, and his eyes widen when he recognizes the voice-

“Barry…” The word is hardly more than a whisper, and he reaches for the man that is currently clinging to him as if he was his lifeline. It is hard to make the person out in the dim light, due to how he is burying his face in the crook of his neck, and Henry doesn’t feel patient, doesn’t really feel anything just then, as he pushes the other man back rather roughly.

Barry makes a small protesting sound, and his eyes are wet and red, he is crying, looking as pale as a ghost in the faint light of the first quarter moon…

“Oh god…” Henry’s voice sounds odd to his own ears, distorted, faint, and he has no idea what is happening, how this can be, how his dead son could be kneeing in front of him, holding onto his arms with enough force that it _hurts_.

“I’m sorry, Dad.” Barry sobs and sniffles. “I’m sorry, I’m s-sorry, I’m sorry-”

His crying gets worse, he looks utterly miserable, like he is in actual pain, and Henry can’t help himself but pull his child closer again, in his arms, even though he knows that this… whatever this is can’t be his Barry, that his Barry is _dead_ …

Is he finally going crazy?

The thought is nearly amusing in an absurd way as his therapist told him just a couple of days ago that he is doing so much better.

The man in his arms who looks like his dead child is still apologizing to him, and Henry picks up on how he is trembling as if he was terrified.

“It’s okay,” he says and is honestly surprised that he is able to get his voice to work at all. “It’s okay, I’ve you…”

It hurts saying this, and it hurts nearly more when Barry – or whoever this is – wails in response, like his words are actually hurting him.

What is going on here? Is he going crazy? Is he really-

Henry’s thoughts come to an abrupt halt when he lifts his gaze and his eyes fall upon someone that has haunted his dreams for over a decade now.

The young man grunts in protest and pain when Henry shoves him off before he scrambles to his feet, his eyes on the man in yellow, the murderer of his wife.

He is going crazy…

He is really going crazy, after so many years his mind has finally snapped-

“Dad,” the young man who looks like his dead son whimpers, and Henry suddenly feels the urge to punch him because this fabrication of his damn traitorous mind has _no fucking right_ to look like _his_ Barry!

“Shut up,” he tells the thing with his son’s face, while he tries to keep his attention split between it and the man in yellow.

Maybe this is a nightmare, maybe he has fallen asleep and now-

“You don’t have to be afraid of me, Mr. Allen,” the man in yellow says and pulls his mask back to reveal a just all too familiar face.

“Dr. Wells…” If this is a dream, Henry realizes that he is way more fucked up in his head than he has thought-

Barry, the one his damn mind came up with, whimpers again, miserably, and Henry can’t get himself to look at him. It is just too painful to see that face…

Henry takes a step back, away from them, and glares at the man in yellow, at Dr. Wells, at the fabrication of his mind, and has no idea what to do now.

“You’re not mad,” Dr. Wells says, and Henry feels an imminent dislike for this made-up version of the scientist when he notices how amused he seems by his reaction.

“And you’re not that… that monster,” he argues, and nearly glances to the thing at the ground in front of him before he adds through grit teeth. “And my son is _dead_.”

“No,” the fake-Barry protests faintly, sounding unsettling terrified, and Henry can’t take this, he just can’t-

“I killed your wife.”

His body freezes, and he turns his attention back to the man in yellow.

“But I wouldn’t call myself a monster,” the man – Dr. Wells? – goes on, and gives him a humorless smile. “But I know that I’m pretty much alone with that, Dr. Allen.”

“You aren’t real,” Henry utters under his breath, and the simple notion that it could be possible that he is actually facing the real murderer of his wife is nearly paralyzing in its awfulness.

“I am very much real, I can assure you,” Dr. Wells goes on and holds his gaze firmly for a long moment before he nods to the ground in front of him. “As is your son, though I can understand why you’d be doubtful after believing for so long that he is gone.”

“No,” Henry protests, shaking his head and fighting the urge to look back down to…

This can’t be real.

This _can’t_ be real.

He’s going mad…

He is finally-

“I’m sorry…” Barry – his Barry?! – whimpers, and starts to sob again, and it is as if someone is trying to rip Henry’s heart right out of his chest to hear his child sound so devastated.

He reluctantly turns away from Dr. Wells and looks down to the young man sitting on the ground who has his knee pulled close to his chest and seems to try to make himself as small as possible as he cries.

How is this possible?

Joe told him… everybody told him his son was _dead_ …

There has been a funeral he went to…

“Barry?” His voice sounds faint even to his own ears, and he has utterly no idea what... how…

This, all of this just makes no sense. It is outright _bizarre_.

Slowly, he steps over to his son who is still curled up in a small ball and gets down to his knees.

The idea to touch him is oddly terrifying. What if this is just a dream? A nightmare like so many before in which he would see dead, lifeless eyes stare back at him the moment Barry would lift his head?

He can’t take any more of that-

“I’m sorry.” Barry’s voice sounds faint and raw, and it is the push Henry needs to lift his hand and cup the back of his child’s head.

Barry feels real, feels familiar even though it has been over a decade since Henry was able to touch his child.

“Barry?” Henry asks again, quietly, reluctantly, and he watches how a whole body shudder runs through the younger man before he grows completely still.

For a long minute neither of them moves, and Henry is scared and confused, but for the first time in over two years he feels hopeful that he could really be able to see his son again.

It is painfully slow that Barry finally lifts his head and looks back at him, eyes red and swollen, and so very _scared_ …

It hurts to see him like this, and Henry swallows around the lump in his throat.

“Hey, slugger,” he says, his voice raw and raspy, and he watches how Barry’s face crumbles all over again before he finds himself in another nearly bone crushing hug.

“Dad… dad…” Barry keeps sobbing against his shoulder and buries his fingers hard enough into Henry’s back that he would leave bruises there.  Henry doesn’t mind, could never mind as he has his son back, and he would have done anything for this moment to become real just a few minutes ago.

“Shhh, it’s okay, Barry,” he tries to comfort the crying young man in his arms, and he still doesn’t understand how this can be real, but for now he is willing to just accept this. After the nightmare his life has been the last two years, he really doesn’t care how any of this is possible as long as it just is-

“I’m sorry I’ve to interrupt you there,” Dr. Wells says, and Henry has nearly forgotten that the other man is even there. He looks up and meets the doctor’s – or whoever this man really is – eyes. It is too dark to really make them out, but even so he can feel the intenseness of the other man’s gaze as he goes on. “But I fear Dr. Allen has to get back to his cell if you don’t want to cause a ruckus in the prison.”

“No…” Barry’s grip seems to intensify at these words, and Henry grimaces as a sharp pain shoots through his back in response to it. “No, please, don’t take him aw-way…”

It is unsettling to hear his kid this afraid, and, for the first time, Henry wonders what has happened to Barry while he was thought dead.

“You want him to get in trouble, Barry?” Dr. Wells asks, and Henry notices the slight note of impatience and anger in the other man’s voice which causes him to look back up.

“What is going on?” he asks and tries to forget for a moment that he seems to be talking to the actual murderer of his wife. He is pretty sure he would snap otherwise.

“That would take much longer than a minute to explain to you, Dr. Allen,” Dr. Wells replies, and Henry doesn’t miss how disinterested he sounds, not even really looking at him but instead watching Barry.

“How did you get me out here?” It is probably an odd choice of question but, considering in what a tumult his mind is in, he is glad he is able to asks anything useful at all.

“Again,” Dr. Wells says as a slight note of amusement has creeps back into his voice, and Henry realizes how little he likes this man. “That would require more time than we have to explain.”

Nora comes to his mind, and it suddenly hits him – really hits him – that he has his wife’s murderer right in front of him…

“You killed-”

“He can’t go back in there,” Barry interrupts him, sounding still devastated but at least a little bit calmer than before. “It’s not right, he didn’t kill mom-”

“You want him to become a fugitive, then?” The other man, the man in yellow, Dr. Wells, or whoever he is, seems to grow increasingly impatience once more, and Henry suddenly experiences a nearly overwhelming urge to get his hands around the guy’s neck.

“You killed her,” he repeats, and the anger and horror he feels over this realization is like a knife that’s pushed into his heart. “You killed my-”

“Yes,” the man in yellow cuts him off, audibly irked now. “We’ve established that already, Dr. Allen, and if you don’t want to return to your cell with most of your bones shattered, you’ll refrain from trying to annoy me anymore than your mere presence already is.”

Barry pulls back then, whirling around as if to shield Henry, and his son sounds both terrified and absolutely livid. “You won’t touch him! You won’t lay a finger on him!!!”

A horrible sense of déjà vu overcomes Henry when he watches how the man in yellow’s eyes suddenly flare up in red, so much like it has been that night he lost his wife.

“Don’t threaten me, Barry,” the other man hisses and his voice suddenly sounds distorted, _inhuman_. “I did you a favor tonight by giving you a chance to see your father again, don’t forget that.”

“You won’t hurt him!” Barry insists furiously, desperately. “I _kill_ you if you try!”

A taken aback, tense silence falls upon them, then.

Henry can’t help but stare at his son, and it is as if a bucket of chilling water was emptied over him when he realizes that Barry means his threat utterly seriously.

“Be careful, Mr. Allen,” Dr. Wells says, and his eyes are burning red now. “Your powers have increased while you were gone, but you still lack the control and finesse to truly be a threat to anybody but yourself.”

“You won’t touch him,” Barry repeats stubbornly, seemingly not disturbed by the other man’s inhuman appearance. “I won’t let you.”

For a long moment, both his son and the doctor glare each other down, the hostility is nearly palpable in the air around them, and Henry can’t do anything but stare and wonder what has happened to his child that he…

Barry has never been a violent person. Never. And the notion that he would be willing to kill…

“I won’t hurt your father.” Dr. Wells’ eyes dim down, the red slowly fades away till it is nothing more than a faint glimmer, and he heaves a sigh. “But he needs to get back into his cell. His absence won’t get unnoticed for much longer.”

“He didn’t kill mom,” Barry argues, and glances back to Henry, a distraught expression on his face. “He didn’t do anything wrong. He shouldn’t be in prison.”

“You want him to be a fugitive?” The other man repeats the question from before. “Do you realize what kind of life that would be for him?” Then he chuckles, and shoots Barry an odd look that Henry doesn’t understand. “You should know better than anybody what that feels like, don’t you, Barry?”

A shudders runs through Barry’s body, and he makes a soft distraught noise that tugs at Henry’s heart.

“He shouldn’t be in prison…” His son repeats quietly, less forceful than before.

“I know,” Dr. Wells repeats, and it catches Henry off-guard how honestly sympathizing he sounds. As if he wasn’t the actual reason why Henry had been forced to spend over a decade behind bars.

“You killed my mom…” Barry’s voice is trembling now, and Henry is certain that he is close to crying again. “You should be in there, not him.”

Dr. Wells stays quiet, and an uneasy silence settles between them once more.

“Barry,” Henry starts and causes Barry to look back to him which he nearly regrets when he notices his son’s devastated expression.

He has still no idea of what is going on. All of this makes no sense at all, it seems more like a fever dream than something that could happen in real life…

But even so, Henry knows that Dr. Wells is right. Should he escape now, should he run away, then he would be hunted, and while he can’t deny that the idea is alluring, especially now with Barry being right there-

Sirens go off behind them, and the prison comes to life with the commotion that always goes hand in hand with one of the inmates being missing.

Henry feels his stomach make a jump, and a sense of horror overcomes him when he realizes what is actually happening. They would think he-

Dr. Wells swears, angry, and before Henry can even utter a word the same disorientating sensation as before overcomes him again, swallows him like a fish does a fly, and it is nearly nauseating this time around.

Then, from one second to the next, everything gets too bright, and he has to squint his eyes while someone in front of him gasps in shock. He tries to push the person’s hands off that is currently gripping his upper arms tightly, but when Barry makes a small protesting sound, he stops, glad that it is his son.

“Barry!” A woman cries out, sounding utterly taken aback.

“Dude!” The voice of a young man joins in, closer than the first one. “That’s your dad! Did you break your dad out of prison!?”

“N-no.” Barry is trembling, and his grip on Henry’s arms hasn’t loosened any so far. “No, I… I didn’t…” He sounds clearly upset and confused.

“Is he alright?” the woman asks, and Henry can hear her walk closer, her heels clack loudly on the hard floor.

“He is fine,” Dr. Wells adds who must have appeared here out of nowhere just as they did. Henry, whose eyes have grown accustomed to the bright lights by now, turns to him. Seeing the man clearly now makes him just appear so much more like the personification of the nightmare that has been hunting Henry for so long.

“You broke him out of prison?” The young man, a Hispanic, as Henry can see now, shoots Dr. Wells a worried look. “That is not good.”

“No,” the doctor agrees sourly. “It isn’t.”

“Professor, why’d you do that?” The woman with the white hair asks, eying Dr. Wells – professor? – in confusion.

“I didn’t,” the other man replies curtly, and it doesn’t sit well with Henry how he is watching his son now.

“Is everything alright?” Henry turns to his right, absentmindedly realizing that he is in some kind of laboratory, and notices a tall, worried looking man enter the room.

The stranger stops as he notices him and frowns in confusion and concern. “Who is this?” Henry doesn’t miss how he turns to Dr. Wells then with suspecting look.

“It’s my dad.” Barry robs anybody else the opportunity to reply, and Henry doesn’t miss how happy his son suddenly sounds. When he looks back to him, he is slightly taken aback by how his distress has been replaced by an absurdly happy expression, no traces of the former distraught left. It is slightly unnerving.

Henry decides to finally get up onto his feet, and Barry doesn’t protest, he just follows along, not letting go of him.

“Your dad?” The man who’s just joined them asks, and he seems to know who he is as realization dawns on his face. “Isn’t he supposed to be in prison?”

“He is, Mr. Garrick,” Dr. Wells agrees, still sounding less than pleased with how things have evolved.

“You broke him out of prison?” The man, Garrick. asks then, now scowling at the doctor.

Dr. Wells doesn’t reply, instead he turns to the young woman, obviously a scientist as well. “Could you please get Mr. Allen and his father to the longue, Dr. Snow? I’m sure Dr. Allen would like to have something to drink after this little adventure.”

The young scientist, Dr. Snow, hesitates briefly before she somewhat reluctantly nods, and turns to Barry and him.

“Barry, would you like something to drink?” she asks kindly, and it isn’t lost on Henry how she talks to his son, her tone light and soft.

“Yes.” Barry seems to like the idea, obviously no longer worried about what has happened just mere minutes ago, and instead turns back to him, smiling. “The longue is really nice, and it has a TV. Do you want coffee? I don’t like it, but Joe says they’ve a really good one.”

Not sure what else to do, Henry nods quietly.

“Professor,” Dr. Snow turns back to Dr. Wells – or whoever that man is – and looks apprehensive all of a sudden. “While you’ve been gone we’ve-”

“Oh for fucks sake!” The young woman is cut off by a very annoyed sounding voice, and Henry has hardly time to look for its source as his son gasps. “Hart!”

Barry’s surprised expression is quickly replaced by a very pleased on. “Hartley, I’ve found my dad!”

The young man his son addressed looks battered, like he has been in a fight not too long ago, and livid. He seems ready to throttle Barry as he quickly makes his way over to them but stops abruptly when he notices Dr. Wells, though. Henry watches how the angry expression is replaced by one of surprise, distrust, and utter fury. He expects him to start throwing curses at the doctor, then, but nothing like this happens.

Instead, Hartley suddenly looks very ill at ease, as if he was afraid of the scientist.

… not that Henry could fault him for that, everything considered.

Steps reach them from the corridor outside the laboratory, and a moment later another man appears, someone Henry actually knows, as well as a blond woman.

Leonard Snart looks like he is in a really bad shape. He’s pale, nearly white, with dark shadows under his eyes, and so tense like he is close to snap in two any moment now.

Henry watches how the criminal’s cold hard eyes immediately find Barry, and how his expression grows even more void of emotions.

“Lenny!” Barry makes a step towards the criminal before he stops himself and glances back to Henry. He looks conflicted, like he doesn’t want to move away from him but at the same time wants to go over to Snart.

Snart takes this decision off him when he walks over to them in a rather briskly pace, causing Henry to expect an attack against his child. Before he can reach for his son to pull him back, Snart is already there-

… pulling Barry in what looks like a bone-crushing hug.

… and Barry returns it tightly.

“Sorry,” his son utters miserably, and Henry watches him press a kiss against the other man’s cheek before he buries his face in his crook of the neck. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. I had a nightmare… I got scared…”

Barry sounds close to tears again. Afraid and lost.

Snart starts to rub his back in a soothing way, appearing so accustomed to doing so as if this is an everyday thing, and… and it very well could be for all Henry knows.

“I’m sorry, Lenny,” Barry murmurs, voice muffled, and Snart stays quiet, face still tensed but no longer void of emotions as he keeps the younger man close, looking tired but relieved.

“You and your fucking nightmares.” The blond woman huffs. She has come up to them by now and watches Snart and Barry with a wary but fond expression.

“Sorry, Lisa.”

The woman chuckles but her smile wanes when her gaze falls upon Henry, and a frown replaces it. She meets Henry’s eyes with a look that isn’t exactly hostile, but it isn’t warm by any stretch of the imagination either.

“You broke your dad out?” The young man with the glasses, Hartley, asks, sounding slightly incredulous. “Why would you do something this stupid? Do you’ve any idea how much trouble this can cause us?”

Barry stiffens in Snart’s arms, making a small unhappy noise before he seems to press himself even firmer against the other man.

“We’ve to leave,” Lisa says, looking rather spooked all of a sudden. “We should get going, Len.”

“No!” Barry protests and pulls back from Snart. “I want to show my dad the longue, and Caitlin’s going to get us something to drink-”

“Stop being a brat,” Hartley cuts him off, both upset and scared. “You _want_ them to catch us again?”

For a brief moment, Barry looks like he has been slapped, and Henry’s heart feels like it is close to breaking when he watches how an expression of utter horror and pain overcomes his son’s face before it starts to crumble.

“Shhh.” Snart makes a soothing noise, and pulls Barry a bit closer again till their foreheads are touching. “It’s alright, Barry, calm down.”

Barry keeps crying, not outright bawling like before, but tears are wetting his cheeks again and he sounds utterly distraught.

“I-I’m sorry,” he whimpers, and Henry hates it, hates to see his child like this and not knowing what caused it or what is even going on.

“We’ve to leave,” Lisa repeats again, firmly, even though she too keeps studying Barry with a concerned expression.

“Nothing will happen to you while you’re here.” Caitlin has stepped closer to them, and she meets both Lisa’s and Hartley’s angry looks firmly. “You’re safe here-”

“Bullshit,” the blond woman cuts her off, sneering. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, sweetheart, if you really believe that.”

“Caitlin’s right.” The young Latin man, who is most likely also a scientist, comes to his friend’s aid. “This place is safe for you.”

“You’re so full of yourself.” Hartley snorts, and even though he looks clearly afraid, he still is able to scowl rather impressively at the other man. “Let’s see how big you’ll talk when they get you and start cutting you open, Cisco.” He then looks over to Dr. Wells, who has been watching them quietly so far, and for a split-second he looks both hurt and betrayed before he schools his features and smirks. “You think _he_ will help you? He’s probably going to get you to them on a silver plate if it fits his plans.”

“Ah.” Dr. Wells chuckles, and the sound of it is cold and unsettling, as is the amusement with which he is studying the younger man now. “It seems that you’re as vindictive as ever, Mr. Rathaway. I thought the last couple of years would have taught you that there are far worse people out there you can hold your silly little grudge against.”

“Screw you!” Hartley hisses, angrily, and his eyes suddenly seem to glow in unnatural way, like they were illuminated from the inside. “Go kill-”

A loud, ugly sounding _Crack_ , cuts through the room, before it is followed by the younger man’s cries of pain, and Henry has no idea what has just happened.

“Hartely!” Lisa sounds surprised and livid, but as she tries to grab for Dr. Wells who has appeared like out of nowhere next to her, he easily evades her, moving too fast.

“I’m sorry,” Dr. Wells says, sounding anything but. “I just don’t appreciate it when someone tries to kill me, especially in such a troubling manner.”

The room grows cold then from one moment to the next, painfully so, and Henry isn’t the only one who gasps in surprise.

A sharp intake of breath causes him to look back to Wells, and his eyes grow wide when he notices that the area around the doctor has become covered in a thick layer of ice and frost with the other man’s legs buried in the ice till over his ankles.

“You don’t touch any of my Rogues.” Snart’s voice is harsh, cold, and utterly menacing as he glares at the other man, who has his teeth grit and is in obvious agony due to the bitingly low temperatures.

To Henry’s utter surprise, Dr. Wells doesn’t seem scared, though. Angry, yes, but not terrified as he should have been. Instead his grimace of pain changes to a nasty smirk, and he aches an eyebrow.

“That’s all you’ve got?”

The question confuses Henry, till he watches how the doctor suddenly starts to _vibrate_ before he is gone from the spot.

The sound of a fist connecting with flesh can be heard next, and he has hardly time to move his head to make out a blur before hell breaks loose, and the memory of that horrible night over a decade ago, in which Nora was killed, seems to come to life.

A whirlwind of lightening fills the laboratory for what feels like minutes but can’t be more than seconds, and Henry hears Snart curse in anger and frustration next to him. When he glances over to the other man, he notices that the right side of his face is showing an ugly bruise, like he has been punches… which is likely the case.

Then, just as quickly as it started, Barry and Dr. Wells appear again, and the show of lightening around them stops.

Henry knows that he should be much more freaked out by any of this than he is, seeing that he didn’t just learn the true identity of his wife’s murderer but also that his son is a meta-human. He doesn’t understand why he feels so eerily calm, instead, but if he could take a guess, he would say that it is probably only because his mind is postponing the breakdown that will undoubtedly happen later. Hopefully when he is alone, somewhere more private, without anybody to witness it.

Right now, he shoves the confusion and terror away as he runs over to Barry, who is kneeing on the ground, pressing his hands onto his left side, visibly in pain from the fight that has just happened. He shoots a brief look towards Dr. Wells, who reappeared on the other side of the lab, looking hardly any better to fare, and hopes that the man will keep his distance as he doesn’t doubt that he could end up as collateral damage should the doctor decide to go after Barry again while he is in his way.

“Barry!” Henry feels a slight panic overcome him when he notices that the shirt below his son’s hands is soaked in blood.

He crouches down in front of his son and pushes his hands away, making it possible to assess the damage.

“It’s okay, let me take a look.” Henry tries to sound soothing which is difficult due to how terrified he feels, and he is glad and surprised how calm Barry behaves despite what has just happened.

“I’m okay,” his son tells him tiredly. He looks pale and like he is in pain, belying his words…

… at least, Henry thinks so till he pushes the shirt up and notices that the ugly wound he has expected is nothing but bruised flesh. Bruised flesh that is covered in still fresh _blood_.

That doesn’t make any sense…

“I heal quickly,” Barry explains and meets his surprised eyes with a lop-sided smile. “It’s really hard to kill me, I can regrow part of me, organs and limbs, in seconds.”

The way he says this, so nonchalantly, nearly bemused sounding, is probably the most bone-chilling thing Henry has ever heard, and he nearly asks why Barry would know that, how he could know… but he doesn’t.

He’s afraid of the answer he would get.

Someone steps up next to them, and Henry looks up, seeing a very grim looking Snart studying his son briefly before he goes down onto a knee in front of him.

“You sure you’re alright?” Snart holds Barry’s gaze firmly as he asks this.

“Uhu.” Barry nods, and smiles again in this unsettling happy way, as if he wasn’t still in pain and hadn’t nearly been killed a mere minute ago or so.

Someone else joins them, and Henry isn’t surprised to see that it is Lisa. She doesn’t meet his eyes or acknowledge his presence any other way.

“We need to leave,” she says quietly.

Snart doesn’t reply, his face grim as he keeps his gaze fixed on Barry who looks upset all over again.

“No,” the younger man protests as he meets the criminal’s gaze, and Henry doesn’t understand the guilt and worry he can see in his son’s eyes just then. “I want to stay here for a bit longer, but you can leave. I’ll be fine. I wanna show dad the lounge-”

“Barry-” Lisa’s patience for this situation or Barry himself seems to have dropped to zero by now, but she is cut off by Snart as he turns slightly to face her. “You and Hartley head back to the others, Liz. Barry and I’ll follow in a bit.”

The blond woman makes an incredulous sound and glares down at the criminal. “Don’t be an idiot, Len. We can’t stay here, you know that.”

“Yes, and we won’t,” Snart replies curtly, and it is then that Henry picks up on how tensed up the other man looks, like he is in pain, and he doesn’t miss how much more pronounced the shadows under his eyes are than before.

“Len.” Barry studies Snart worriedly as he reaches out for him, cupping the side of his neck tentatively. “I’ll be okay; you should go back-”

“I won’t leave you here alone.” Snart’s tone leaves no room for an argument, so much is clear, and it seems that Henry is not the only one who has picked up on this as Lisa huffs in annoyance before she addresses the criminal again. “Well, it seems that we three are staying, then.”

“Don’t be stupid, Lisa-”

“Shut up, be glad I’m not dragging you back screaming and kicking!”

Both, Snart and Lisa – and it occurs to Henry just now that this is probably Lisa _Snart_ – are glaring at each other for a long moment, before the former one grunts his okay and turns back to Barry, obviously not happy with his sister’s decision but not willing to argue over it anymore.

Barry, on the other hand, is beaming, and Henry wonders once more what happened to his son. How he became friends with these criminals, where he has been, or how he became a meta-human…

Barry then looks to him, smiling, happy, and he decides that this questions can wait. Judging by what he has seen so far, his son has experienced something horribly traumatic, and he doubts that now is the right moment to try and get any answers.

It is horrible to see Barry this hurt, and he doesn’t trust either of his son’s _friends_ , nor is he certain how long he would be able to stay out of prison, but for now he is grateful that his kid is here, that he is still alive.

For the first time in more than two years, Henry can bring himself to feel anything but the exhausting depression that has been following around everywhere as he returns his son’s smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barry broke his dad out of prison... so that happened.
> 
> I initially wanted to go somewhere else with this chapter but, as it is so often the case with writing, my muse had another idea. I hope you guys liked it. :)
> 
> I am a bit late with this one, I just couldn't find the time to prepare the next one before last Sunday, and I don't wanna update without at least another chapter being finished - it kind of helps me to keep the schedule (somewhat) regularly as it motivates me to write.
> 
> Next time, Jay and Barry have another talk, and Barry watches over Len.


	14. Kind Words In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry watches over Len when his partner is suffering another migraine attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is not edited.

Barry sits at the edge of the couch table and has his eyes on Len, even though he can hardly make the other man out in the darkness that is currently prevailing in the longue.

It is very early, close to four in the morning, and Len wasn’t able to fall asleep till about twenty minutes ago, after suffering through more than three hours of an especially bad bout of migraine that had him unable to do much more than sit still and try not to scream in agony.

Shivering, Barry digs his fingers a bit harder into his knees, hardly noticing the pain this causes him, and tries not to drown in the guilt that has been keeping a firm hold onto him since Len’s migraine got bad enough that the others had to leave. Just having them around, hearing them move or breath, had been too much for the other man to bear, and the lights had to be turned off so that the brightness wouldn’t cause him any additional discomfort.

A soft, distressed whimper crosses Barry’s lips, and he bites down hard enough onto his tongue that he draws blood. He has to be quiet. He knows that. Len is hurting again, mostly because of him, and he doesn’t want it to get any worse…

It’s just that he wants to touch Len, make sure that he is still there, not just something his mind made up to deceive him as it did so many times before.

He shivers again, and pulls his legs up to where he sits perched at the corner of the couch table, as close to the other man as is possible for him right now. He loops his arms around his shins and tightens his grip, nearly painfully so, enough to make it hard to breath.

It is his fault, he made Len to come here. _He_ is the reason the other man is in pain again now.

Barry squeezes his eyes shut, feels the wet warmth of tears run down his cheeks and tries to stay as quiet as possible.

The darkness around him feels oppressive, and a part of him wants to leave, go look for his dad who left with the others because his presence hurt Len, but…

But Len is here, and Barry _can’t_ leave him.

Waking up alone in the dark can be horribly frightening, Barry hates when it happens to him, and he knows that Len possibly won’t remember where he is in the first place as his migraine attacks can leave him somewhat disorientated afterward they are over. It certainly doesn’t help that this is S.T.A.R. labs, somewhere the other man doesn’t want to be in the first place.

Barry freezes, the faint pull the back of his mind is there again, like a small hand tugging at something inside his head, causing him to turn toward the direction of the door that leads into the longus.

It opens, filling it briefly with the bright light of the hallway outside, blinding him briefly.

He is both concerned and annoyed that someone would interrupt the quiet darkness Len needs right now, but his frown eases away when he spots Jay, causing him to lifts his eyebrows in surprise instead.

The other man steps far enough into the room that the door closes behind him again, and Barry blinks his eyes as they adjust from the momentary brightness to the lack of any real light again. He doesn’t feel frightened by his brief blindness, though. He likes Jay.

Jay’s footsteps are clearly audible in the silence, and Barry shoots Len a concerned look, worried that this would be enough to wake him again from his exhausted slumber. To his relief, it doesn’t seem to bother his friend’s sleep, and Barry turns back to his visitor who stops next to him.

“I’m sorry,” Jay says quietly, hardly even a whisper. “But I thought you would like this.”

Barry frowns, watching how the man that is hardly more than a shadow in the dim light seems to offer him something. He picks up the sweet smell of hot chocolate, then, causing him to perk up and reach for the offered drink with a soft pleased hum. His hands close around the warm mug, and his fingers brush briefly against Jay’s, and it is the oddest sensation, like the other man is charged, like something he felt before, causing him to shiver in response.

Barry pulls his hands and the mug back, frowning up at Jay curiously. “You feel like Eobard.”

An awkward silence follows, and Barry wonders whether he has said something wrong. He shifts a bit and nods to the chair that stands next to them. “You wanna sit?”

“Sure,” Jay agrees after a moment, speaking just as quietly as he does.

“You can’t sleep?” Barry asks after he listened to him taking a seat.

Jay chuckles, his voice warm and fond, and Barry realizes once again that he really likes the other man.

“No, I napped in the afternoon, and the last couple of hours have been rather busy,” he explains.

Barry sips on his hot chocolate, enjoying how the sweet and warm drink coats his tongue and causes some of the dread he has been feeling for hours now to lift a bit.

“I can’t sleep either,” he explains to Jay and turns back to Len, who hasn’t moved at all over the last hour. “I’ve to make sure he’s okay.”

“How is he?” the other man asks quietly, sounding hesitant.

Another shudder runs through Barry’s body, and he takes another sip of the warm beverage, but it is difficult to swallow this time with the lump that has started to form in his throat again.

“Not so good…” He croaks and squeezes his eyes shut, unwilling to cry again. Crying wouldn’t help anybody, certainly not Len…

“Hey.” Jay’s voice and warm and soothing, and Barry glances over to him when he hears him move, causing a couple of tears to run down his cheeks. The other man has leaned forward, closer to him, and even in the dark Barry can feel his eyes on him.

“I’m sure your friend will be fine,” he assures him, and it helps how honest he sounds, like he really believes so.

“Yeah,” Barry agrees quietly and glances back to Len.

Len is strong...

It’s just that he is also not, not when he is suffering like this, and when this is the case it causes Barry to be afraid.

They are looking out for each other, all of them do, but to Barry Len is the one that makes him feel safe, and having him hurting so much, being unable to stand as ordinary things as sounds and light is daunting… Barry knows that he has to protect him in cases like this, but he isn’t strong like him, not even as strong as Lisa or Mick, or really any of the others…

“I’m scared…” he whispers, hardly audible, and curls up once again, making himself as small as he feels.

He knows that he has powers that are more dangerous than most, but he is not good at fighting… he doesn’t like to fight or hurt people. He still has nightmares of the people he killed-

“Your friends are here,” Jay reminds him, causing him to startle slightly as he has started to retreat in his own mind again.

“They seem like a tough bunch,” the other man goes on, and Barry has to smile. Lisa certainly does, and while Hartley generally doesn’t appear as intimidating as the rest of them, he knows how dangerous his friend can be if he feels pushed into a corner.

The smile wanes again as Barry remembers the times they were forced to hurt others, though.

_This is all wrong_ , he thinks.

He never wanted to be like this, a _murderer_ , someone who uses his powers for something as awful as killing others…

“You are also strong,” Jay points out then after an uneasy silence has settled between them once again.

“No,” Barry disagrees unhappily and shivers, fighting the urge to move closer to Len. “I’m not… I’m broken… and I… I did really awful things…” He swallows around the lump in his throat and squeezes his eyes shut. “I k-killed others… I… I’m l-like him…”

Eobard and he are very similar; Barry can see the parallels between both of them, and the notion that he could be like the man who killed is mom is outright sickening.

“You aren’t.” Jay’s words surprise him and cause him to look back to him. “Thawne is _nothing_ like you.”

It is surprising that the other man knows whom he meant… but, then again, maybe it is not, seeing that Jay seems to have been around at the S.T.A.R. labs for a while now and seems to know what is going on.

“I killed too.” Barry grimaces unhappily and glances down at his hands even though he can hardly make them out. “I was so angry…”

Angry and _terrified_ …

Dr. Danielle was both like the devil and a saint to him towards the end… someone who offered him treats and comfort but also was a source of never-ending pain.

She was one of the first he killed. He didn’t seek her out, he came across her by accident as he tried to find Len, and… he just ended her life like other people squash a bug. He saw her and… something just snapped. He didn’t feel anything, he watched her die at his hands without feeling satisfaction or disgust, or horror… he just felt empty… and he needed to find Len…

“You can’t compare your situation to Thawne’s,” Jay tells him. “Barry, you did what you did because horrible things were done to you by these people, and you were not in your right mind back then.” The other man pauses for a second before he proceeds. “Killing is wrong, we both know that, but sometimes the circumstances make it understandable and forgivable. I don’t really know you, but Caitlin and the others told me a lot about you, and from what they’ve said, it is clear that you are a good man, and I believe them.”

“I see them…” Barry says weakling, a mixture of a protest and a plea, as he shudders once again and swallows, feeling slightly sick. “They… I dream of them… I can feel… I… it is like their blood is on my hands, and I don’t get it _off_ …”

He can scrub as much as he wants, he can scrub himself bloody, and it is still there, this horrible itch from dried blood. By now, he has gotten used to it, also to the faint metallic taste and smell of blood that follows him around at times, whenever he is alone and feels depressed.

They fall back into silence, probably because Jay doesn’t know what to say to this, and Barry feels bad, guilty for making the other man, who is so obviously kind to him, uneasy again.

“Maybe,” Jay says slowly, hesitantly. “Maybe, you should try and concentrate on the good you escaping from there has caused. You being back means a lot to your family and friends, and I doubt that they would have missed you this much if you weren’t someone worth their love. They all seems to have a very strong sense for what is right and wrong, Barry.”

It is nice for the other man to say this, reassuring in a way, because Barry can believe that he is right. Joe, Iris, and the others are good people, they wouldn’t have welcomed him back like this if they thought he… that he…

He even told Joe that he killed, and Joe didn’t send him away or try to take him in…

“I love them…” Barry presses his forehead against his knees and whimpers. “I don’t want them to be scared of me…”

“They aren’t.” Jay sounds utterly certain of this, and Barry bites his lower lip, fighting the urge to cry. “They love you, very much so, and even if you can’t be glad about escaping from that place yourself, they certainly are. Even if this means that you had to do things you’d not do under any normal circumstances.”

Barry releases a shuddered breath and turns his head to the side, so that his cheek is now resting on his knee as he looks over to Jay.

It is odd how well this stranger he hardly knows can calm his fears and worries. A bit like Len, but different altogether…

Barry knows that it is a silly thing to think, but it is nearly like he knows that man… like he’s met him somewhere before.

His mind can be odd these days, trying to make him believe the strangest things…

“Thank you,” he says quietly.

“Of course,” Jay replies warmly, and Barry knows that he is watching him, but it is not really unsettling. “But I’m only pointing out how things actually are.”

Barry smiles briefly, gratefully, and turns back to Len.

For the next five minutes, a silence settles over the room again. Unlike the last one, it isn’t uncomfortable.

It is after Barry watched Len for a bit that he notices that temperatures around them seems to have become less hostile, a clear sign that his partner isn’t in such grave pain anymore, and he wonders when this actually happened. Jay doesn’t seem like he is really bothered by the cold, he doesn’t even shiver, and Barry tries to remember whether he saw the other man wearing a pullover or some other thick clothing of that kind as he entered the room.

Probably… or maybe he isn’t that prone to freezing because he used to be a speedster?

Barry frowns and looks back over to the other man.

Like with Eobard and that scary Zoom, Barry can feel the speed force around Jay as well. Fainter, but it is clearly there.

“How did you lose your powers?” he asked and immediately feels bad for showing so little tact. “Sorry…”

To his surprise, Jay only chuckles. It isn’t a particularly happy one, but not an outright sad or bitter one either.

“It’s fine,” the other man assures him. “I had to recite this story quite a couple of times since I’ve been stranded here.” He shifts slightly, Barry can’t see but hears it, and seems to think about what to say, before he proceeds. “I was fighting a criminal of mine, the Rival… he’s like the Reverse Flash of my world.”

“Eobard?” Barry can’t help but asks, and he is a bit surprised when the other man actually scoffs derisively at that.

“No,” Jay explains, speaking softer once again as to not disturb Len. “Thankfully not. His name is Edward Clariss, he was a professor at the University I attended to and…” A note of sadness and regret joins his voice as he goes on after a brief pause. “He was a very bitter man, but he was not evil… not like Thawne or Zoom.”

The idea that an infinite number of Reverse Flashes could be out there, suddenly occurs to Barry, many of them different people with different stories, and the notion is both exciting and disturbing at the same time.

“You said Zoom took your powers,” he remarks quietly, and Jay agrees. “Yes, Zoom… I had a couple of run-ins with him… a nasty fellow, faster than me or the Rival, but that night he hadn’t caused any trouble so far.” He pauses again briefly. His voice seems lower, somehow sadder when he goes on. “A portal opened above the city, I wanted to investigate, but I was still involved in a fight with the Rival, and I couldn’t just let him get away. I should have…”

Jay sighs, and Barry watches the faint silhouette of him move, rub his hand over his face in a very tired manner.

“I chased Clariss though the city, and it couldn’t have been even ten minutes later when we came across two other speedsters fighting atop on one of the towers. It was Zoom and another man in a yellow costume, and this time it didn’t just catch my attention as Clariss- the Rival also stopped, and we both proceeded to watch them fight with that ridiculous speed of theirs… it would have been better if we’d kept moving.”

Barry frowns, shifting a bit and watching the other man attentively. He is pretty sure he already knows where this is going but stays quiet.

“Zoom was able to knock Thawne out for a minute or so, and he used that time to go after the Rival, and I tried to help but he was stronger than usual, faster, and both of us ended up losing our speed to that maniac…” Jay falls quiet, then, and Barry is certain that there is more to it, but he doesn’t urge him on, knowing all too well that some things are just too painful to recite.

“I probably should get going,” Jay says after a neither of them spoke for a long moment. He doesn’t sound angry or upset, but tired.

“You should try and get some sleep,” Barry points out, a bit concerned about his new friend, and he is not surprised when Jay answers this with a soft and warm chuckle.

“I probably should,” he agrees and gets up.

“Thank you… for the hot chocolate and for being so nice.”

Again, Jay chuckles, and even though his smile is not visible in the dark room, it is still very much palpable. “Of course. Try to get some rest yourself, and I’m sure your friend will do much better in no time.”

“Yeah,” Barry agrees, feeling less depressed and worried than just twenty minutes ago. “Good night.”

“Good night,” Jay returns and leaves.

The bright light of the hallway causes Barry to squint, blinding him for a short while after the door closed again, and he wonders how late it is right now-

“You’re making new friends, I see.”

“ _Len!_ ” Barry is at the other man’s side in a second, hardly able to stop himself from touching him.

“Hey,” Len replies tiredly, voice sounding unusually craggy, like he slept much longer than he actually did. He lifts his hand, and Barry is nearly smothered by the relief he feels when he cups his cheek. “You’re worrying too much, Barry.”

“Yeah,” he agrees and sniffles. “Sorry…”

Len makes a soothing sound and starts to rub his thumb over Barry’s cheekbone in that tentative way of his. “It’s fine, we’re both fine.”

Barry shudders and nods, his eyes squeezed shut.

“I’m okay,” Len reassures him again as he moves his hand so that he cups Barry’s neck and pulls him closer. Barry let him without resistance, welcoming the kiss, and humming into the slick cool mouth of the other man that tastes and feels so familiar and comforting.

Their kiss is slow and lacy, and he enjoys every second of it, of how Len slides an arm around him, of how his hand moves lower, to his hip, to his ass, kneading his left buttock, and Barry is horny as hell all of a sudden. He pulls back, both of them gasping for air, and he notices just now that he is cupping Len’s noticeable erection through his jeans, which causes an answering shudder to overcome him as excitement flashes through him.

They haven’t had sex in over a week…

“You’re feeling okay enough for this?” he still asks, because he knows how exhausted a migraine attack can leave his partner.

“Yes,” Len replies easily, voice low and a bit coarse. “But I’d prefer it if you could ride me, I’m still a bit out of it.”

The idea of feeling Len inside him and of giving him something enjoyable after he was in so much pain, is exhilarating, and Barry whines softly, hardly able to keep himself from climbing him right then. He knows that Len doesn’t like it when they do it dry, and while Barry doesn’t mind the brief pain, he too prefers them having sex with lube if he was honest.

Without another word, he leaves the longue, runs to the medical bay in the cortex, where currently only Harry, Caitlin, and Eobard are, and grabs a tube of _Surgilube_. He kind of expects it when Eobard notices him, but he only shoots him a warning glare before he is back with Len again, turning the light on and regulating it to its lowest level on his way in.

“Do I want to know where you grabbed the lube from?” Len asks amused, and Barry grins, happy to hear how relaxed he sounds.

“I’m fast,” he points out as he starts to open Len’s belt, familiar excitement coiling up in his abdomen at the prospect of what is to come. “Nobody noticed me.” Well, nobody but Eobard, but he is pretty sure that mentioning this would damper the mood quite a bit.

Len hums in agreement and lifts his hips, allowing Barry to pull his jeans and boxers down. His erection is big and hard, and looks utterly ready for what they are about to do.

Barry takes it in his hand, starting to jerk it slowly, and enjoys the low, pleased groan Len gives him in response.

He leans down and flickers his tongue over the head, causing Len to thrust up in response, and an excited shiver to run through his own body.

“I want to taste you,” he utters, feeling the need to make up for at least some of the pain he caused his partner. Len groans throaty, clearly liking the idea, and Barry doesn’t need much more of an agreement. He leans down and takes the other man’s erection in his mouth, starting to work it like he learned since the beginning of their sexual encounters.

The smell is musk, intense, in a good way, it is something that reminds him of home and safety, and the feeling of Len’s dick is heavy on his tongue, filling his mouth as he starts to bob. He enjoys the startled but pleased noise he gets in response, and reaches for Len’s balls, cupping them, kneading them very, very lightly as he knows that the other man is quite sensitive there.

His own erection is still constricted in his own pants, but he resists the urge to palm himself, knowing that he wouldn’t last long due to how long it has been since their last time.

“Fuck.” Len groans, buries his fingers in Barry’s hair, tugging on it lightly which in turn causes a flash of heat and arousal to go directly to his loins. “Like that, Scarlet.”

Barry hums, rubs his tongue against Len’s shaft, feeling the thick pulsing vein, and he wants to have him inside himself so badly but doesn’t want to stop either, because listening to Len making this noises is just as exhilarating, just as intoxicating.

They go on like this for what feels like both an eternity and mere seconds at the same time, and Barry loves it, every second of it, loves how his jaw starts to slightly ache, how all of his mouth is coated by the faint but unique taste that is Len, how it feels as he starts to take him deep and deeper, till his throat is relaxed enough that he wouldn’t gag when he takes him all the way in-

“Barry.” Len’s voice cuts through the mist of desire and arousal, and Barry turns his gaze to him. He knows that tone, what it means, and he hums around the dick in his mouth before he pulls back with a soft pop and takes a hold of it again with his hand.

He likes it when Len comes in his mouth, the act in itself and the taste, but he needs to feel him inside himself as well. He wants them to connect on this very physical and intimate level that assures him that the other man is really there.

“I love you,” he says softly while he keeps pumping Len’s dick slowly, lightly.

Len meets his eyes then and smiles, relaxed, aroused, and a bit tired. “Love you too, Barry.”

Barry returns it as a warmth settles over him, and he leans over to kiss the tip of the other man’s erection, causing him to shudder and huff an amused laugh in response.

“I hope your confession isn’t restricted to that part of me,” Len jokes, and Barry grins, feeling so much lighter and happier than he has all night.

“I love all of you,” he replies honestly and doesn’t miss how Len’s expression becomes softer, fonder.

His pants are quickly gone, and he prepares himself with the lube he got from the infirmity in no time, stretching himself rather hastily in anticipation of what is to come, accepting the slight pain in exchange. He climbs onto the couch, positioning himself above Len’s hips and slows down again.

“You’re really impatient tonight.” Len chuckles and lays one hand onto Barry’s hip while he positions his erection with his other one so that it would be easier for him to slide down on it.

“I missed you,” Barry replies earnestly but breaks off when he feels the tip of Len’s hard dick against the ring of muscles of his entrance. He bites his lower lips and slowly let himself sink down, enjoying every moment of it, while Len groans lowly in response, patiently waits for him to get himself comfortable.

When he is finally all the way down, he pauses briefly, giving his body time to adjust and himself time to just take in the wonderful feeling of having his partner inside himself.

Len starts to caress his hips as he watches him, and Barry leans down, stealing another kiss the other man just too willingly gives.

“I love you,” Barry repeats quietly, brushing his lips against Len’s chin. “So much.”

They hold each other’s eyes, and he doesn’t miss how Len’s pupils widen at that, how desire but also another emotion, a much tender one, fill his gaze.

After stealing another quick kiss, Barry then sits up again and starts to move slowly, lifting himself up before letting himself sink back down again, all the time meeting his partner’s eyes which only makes this whole experience so much more intense.

It hardly takes any time at all for their lovemaking to turn quick and frantic, though, with both of them already close, and Barry’s libido kicking in full force now, making all his efforts to stay quiet for naught.

Barry meets Len’s thrusts with the same kind of vigor, and he cries out when his partner takes hold of his erection that has been neglected so far and starts to pump it in a quick pace. He throws his head back, a litany of _yes-yes-yes-yes_ leaving his lips as he pinches his own nipples, enjoying the slight pain that mingles with the nearly oppressive arousal, and he knows that they’re both close, but he wants for it to go on-

“Come for me, Scarlet.” Len’s voice is rough and low, and it goes straight to Barry’s erection, pushing him over the edge, and he does as he is told.

Barry comes hard, the orgasm nearly smothering, and he cries out the other man’s name as he grows taut, moaning and whimpering when Len proceeds to fuck him and pump his erection through all of it, and it is nearly a relief when the other man finally follows with one last thrust against his prostate so that he is allowed to come down from his high.

Tired, and sated, Barry stays in this position a moment longer, his eyes closed, and he enjoys Len’s hands that are once again caressing his sides lazily.

“Was it that good?” Len asks, amused and a bit smug, and Barry chuckles, nods “Better.”

He lets himself be pulled down, then, so that he ends up laying on Len, and welcomes the kiss readily, humming pleased and sated. They are both exhausted, and when the break apart again, Barry lets his head rest on the other man’s shoulder, welcoming the cool feeling of the skin against his own.

“I really hope the doors here are at least somewhat sound-proofed, otherwise the whole building probably knows what just went on in here,” Len remarks, but he doesn’t sound bothered by it, and Barry takes it as a sign that he doesn’t have to be either, at least for now. He is tired and decides that any further worrying can wait till tomorrow.

He feels Len press his cool lips against his forehead, and the sensation follows him into his sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Len and Barry finally got to some special alone time in this chapter, something both of them clearly needed. ;)
> 
> We also got some more Jay and insight into his story. As you've probably realized by now, Jay is not Hunter in this story, and I'm sticking a bit closer to the comic book version. Btw, I would have loved for Zoom to be Clariss on the show, it would have given the whole thing such a nice twist.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed it, the next one will have little Barry in it as well as more Henry, and will generally be more focused on family. :)


	15. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris worries about Barry.
> 
> So does Henry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not edited.

Barry is mesmerized by his little namesake, and Iris watches with growing fondness how he is all too happy to follow the little whirlwind around. Little Barry in turn seems to be just as enamored with his uncle in return and is intent on having him follow along as he explores the cortex of S.T.A.R. labs.

Because of that, it’s an ongoing string of “ _Me up_ ”, “ _Look!_ ”, “ _Oh!_ ”, and “ _Down_ ” as the toddler needs Barry’s assistance to look at all the exciting stuff that can be found around here.

Eddie, who came along today, is watching them with a much more relaxed expression than he did when Barry first took their son into his arms. Iris understands her husband’s worry, and she is glad that his nerves were put at ease.

His _and_ her own if she was honest, as she had been uncertain about how Barry would react to her little boy at first as well.

Even though, the cortex is not exactly somewhere she would deem fit for exploration when it comes to a curious little toddler, they’ve all agreed that S.T.A.R. labs is probably the safest place for them to meet up with Barry, especially when Eddie voiced his concern about a visit from her brother could possibly cause them to attract trouble to their home.

Iris is not happy about it, but she ended up agreeing with him on this one, especially after she learned that Barry broke Henry out of prison. He clearly didn’t mean any harm to anybody by doing so, but it made it very obvious that he isn’t in his right mind once again.

“Mine!” little Barry cries out, pushing his free hand that isn’t holding his plush bunny toward the pen like device Caitlin is currently using on Leonard Snart, who is sitting on the examination table, face grim and still slightly tensed by what has to be the residual pain of his last migraine.

“ _Mine!_ ” the toddler demands again, and Iris doesn’t miss how the criminal flinches slightly in response to her son’s rather powerful lungs. He still looks pretty much like a wreck, and she can’t help but feel bad for the man, especially because she knows now how important he actually is to Barry.

“That is not for little boys,” Caitlin tells him in a warm and placating tone. “It’s something I need to make sure that your uncle’s friend is feeling better again.”

“Mine,” little Barry repeats again, less vehemently this time, though, and he is staring at Leonard now, eyes wide and uncertain.

Barry, who is carrying the toddler on his hip, reaches for one of the wooden spatulas that are resting on the medical trolley next to Caitlin.

“Look!” Barry says excited, successfully gaining the little boy’s attention. “You want this one instead?”

Little Barry only seems to consider the offer for a second, before he squeals in excitement and pushes his little hand toward it. “Mine!”

“Yours,” Barry agrees with a wide smile and affectionately strokes his nephew’s head. Then, he looks over to Len and reaches for him, cupping the side of his face in such a tender gesture that causes a pang in Iris’ chest.

“He’s looking much more relaxed,” Eddie remarks next to her, and she looks over to him, meeting his eyes with a warm smile.

“He does,” she agrees, and it is good to see Barry like this again, so much happier and calmer than the day prior.

“After last night, I’m not surprised,” Cisco pipes up. The young scientist is sitting behind the console, slushy in hand, and Iris grimaces slightly at these words. She shoots her dad a sympathetic look. Joe is standing next to Eddie and makes a face as if he had just bitten in a lemon. He clearly hasn’t warmed up to Barry’s relationship to the ex-con yet.

Henry, who is leaning against the monitor desk behind them, doesn’t seem exactly bothered by it, though. He doesn’t exactly look happy about it either, but Iris has the feeling that he is taking this much better than her dad.

It was about two hours ago, shortly after they arrived, that they learned that Barry got himself some stress relief during last night in the longue. Her brother doesn’t appear to be bothered at all that Len and he made enough noise for anybody to take notice of their doing, who entered the hallway leading up to their temporary resting quarter.

“By the sound of it, he certainly got rid of a lot of tension,” Hartley remarks drily, and Iris doesn’t miss how the young man frowns as he does so, even though he keeps his eyes on the monitor in front of him. She doesn’t know where the former scientist of S.T.A.R. labs got his bruises and broken nose from, but she has a pretty good idea, and it really doesn’t surprise her that the young man seems to be in a bad mood, considering how he is visibly careful about not moving too much.

“Could we maybe not talk about this?” Eddie asks, and judging by the expression on his face, he is about as uncomfortable to know about Barry’s sex life as Joe is, whose expression is growing more and more unhappy by the second.

“Why?” Hartley shoots Iris’ husband an amused look that isn’t particularly pleasant. “If we’re really going to stick around for a while, you’ll have to get used to them fucking like rabbits, believe me.”

Cisco, who was sucking at the straw of his slushy, nearly chokes in response to that crude words, and shoots Hartley a dirty look after he stopped coughing. “ _Seriously_ , Hartley?”

“Just saying as it is.” The man shrugs and skillfully ignores Joe’s rather disgusted glare and Henry’s disproving frown.

“Saying as what is?” Barry’s arrival catches all of them off-guard, and Iris notices once again how silent her brother can be, something she picked up on already when he was over at her dad’s house yesterday.

Little Barry is still in his arms, gnawing happily at the wooden spatula while keeping his little plushy close with his other hand, unaware of the drool that is running down his chin and looking utterly content with the world.

“Nothing,” Hartley speaks up before the rest of them can. The young man nods to the toddler in Barry’s arms instead and gives him a smile that looks only a bit forced. “You’re enjoying babysitting duty?”

“Yes,” Barry agrees readily, beaming down at his little nephew, and turns to Iris with a wide grin. “He’s great!” He pulls the little toddler a bit higher on his hip and kisses him on the top of his head and rests his cheek on it, smiling fondly. “And he likes spatulas.”

Hartley snorts, but when Iris glances at him, the criminal actually smiles as well. “He’s not even two, he likes _anything_ he can chew on.”

Barry hums in agreement and start to slightly sway from side to side, as if to calm the little boy in his arms.

Iris watches him for a moment, noticing how relaxed and at peace her brother seems, and it is touching to know that her son is at least partly responsible for it.

Then, Barry suddenly piques up and lifts his head again, looking expectantly to the entrance of the cortex.

Iris turns to it as well, as do the others, curious to see what caught Barry’s interest, and she isn’t sure what to think when she picks up on the sound of someone approaching, till Jay and Wally appear at the entrance a moment later. Both of the men halts when they notice that their looks and rises their eyebrows in a mixture of confusion and surprise.

“Jay!” Barry takes the possibility from anybody to say something as he makes his way over them, grinning widely. “I’ve a nephew!” He sounds utterly excited about this, and once again Iris feels how the slight pain in her chest starts to swell up as she watches him present her son happily to Jay.

“His name is Barry, and he’s so smart,” Barry tells Jay proudly. “He can already talk.”

“He can say like three monosyllabic words,” Hartley points out with a snort, ignoring Eddie’s and Joe’s responding glares.

“He’s smart,” Barry insists with a frown and turns to his little namesake whom he asks in a warm tone. “Whose spatula is this?”

“ _Mine!_ ” little Barry replies excitedly, bouncing up and down while the drool on the spatula he pulled out of his mouth is dripping down on his uncle’s shirt. Barry doesn’t seem to mind and instead grins triumphantly at Hartley. “See, he’s so clever.”

Hartley rolls his eyes but doesn’t protest and instead turns back to the console he is currently working on.

“He is a bright child,” Jay agrees, and smiles amused when Barry beams at him for it. Iris doesn’t miss how her brother steps closer to the other man-

The temperature drops all of a sudden around them, it is such a sudden change that it catches everybody off-guard.

Her gaze moves over to where Caitlin is still working on Leonard, and she immediately notices the dark expression on the man’s face as he clearly watches Barry, and how tensed up he suddenly seems.

Iris’ son doesn’t like the sudden cold at all and shrieks in protest, starting to cry loudly, which in turn causes a nearly horrified expression to cross Barry’s face. He seeks out her eyes, looking scared and worried.

“It’s fine,” Iris says in a comforting voice, not sure whom she is really directing these words to, Barry or her son, and swiftly walks over to them, taking the little boy from her brother’s arms, and starting to console him in a familiar manner.

Before she can say something to Barry, he is suddenly gone, startling her in return as it is still odd to think that he has powers like that.

She spots him next to Leonard again when she turns around, not really surprised about it, and she watches how her brother has the other man’s face between his hands, looking nearly sick with concern as he talks to him in too low of a voice for her to be able to pick up on what is said.

The grimness is gone from the criminal’s expression, and he actually looks somewhat guilty instead. Most of all, he appears very tired, and Iris watches how he loops his arms around Barry’s back, pulling him closer as he leans in so that he can rest his forehead on her brother’s collarbone, eyes closed.

Caitlin, who stands next to them, watches them briefly, clearly unsure what to do now, and eventually decides to give them a moment alone when she leaves the adjacent small infirmary to join the rest of them instead.

“Maybe it would be a better idea for Barry and you to wait in the lounge, Iris,” Joes points out, meeting Iris look with a frown that is rather grim.

“We’re fine, dad,” she assures him, rubbing soothing circles on her son’s back who pretty quickly calmed down again after the initial scare and only keeps sniffling and hiccupping every once in a while now.

“It is rather cold in here,” Eddie agrees with her father much to her annoyance, though she can’t say it is unexpected.

“It will warm up again, and we brought little Barry’s sweater with us,” she tells him rather curtly, not liking the notion to make Barry decide between staying here with Leonard or following them.

“What if he causes the temperatures to drop again,” Joe asks. “Dangerously so this time?”

“Dad-”

“He won’t,” Hartley cuts her off as he leans back, his eyes fixed on the couple on the other side of the room. “If anybody is able to control his powers, it’s Snart.”

“So he did what just happened on purpose?” Joe asks sarcastically, but his expression turns furious when Hartley only shrugs in reply, making it obvious that this could have been very much the case.

“Are you serious?” Eddie is clearly angered by that insinuation as well and turns to shoot a dark glare towards where Barry and his partner are still holding each other. “There’s a child around-”

“Eddie, I’m sure it was an accident. He had a migraine attack last night, and he looks like he still isn’t completely over it.” Iris tries to calm her husband. Eddie can be very protective of them, overly so at times, and she really doesn’t want him to start a fight with Leonard, not only because she doubts that the criminal actually did use his powers on purpose, but also because she is more than aware of how much this would distress Barry.

When she glances back to Hartley, annoyed at the man for actually trying to stir some trouble up, she sees that he turned back to the monitor in front of him again, nearly scowling at the screen with his lips pressed into a thin line.

“I don’t want Barry around that man if he can’t or won’t control his powers.” Iris turns back to Eddie, who walked over to her, and watches how he cups the back of their son’s head, his eyes still on Leonard. His frown dims a bit when he looks back to her. “I don’t know what I would do if something happens to him or you because of Snart-”

“Good thing you don’t have to worry about that, then.” A voice drawls on from next to them where the entrance to the cortex lies, and Iris recognizes is immediately as the one of Lisa Snart. The woman had vanished about ten minutes ago to use the bathroom, and like earlier, her whole demeanor towards them screams hostility which didn’t only set Iris’ teeth on edge.

Lisa’s eyes are on Eddie, cold and hard, as she proceeds with a sneer on her lips. “Lenny wouldn’t hurt either of them, nobody of us would.” She crosses her arms, a sharp and dangerous glint in her eyes. “And I would keep that in mind the next time you opening your stupid trap, because I doubt we’ve the same qualm when it comes to you, Thawne.”

Eddie bristles visibly at that, but before Iris can try and prevent him to do or say something that would end in a possible fight, Jay beats her to it.

The other man steps between both, lifting his hands in a placating manner as he speaks. “We should all keep in mind that nobody of us is here to cause any trouble.” He meets Eddie’s eyes firmly. “I doubt that Barry’s friends mean anybody any harm, or that they would try to stir something up, Eddie. They clearly want to avoid to get any unwanted attention, and so far they’ve done nothing to earn our suspicion.” Then, he turns to Lisa. “I’m sure your brother would agree that we should try to work together and not cause unnecessary tensions, Ms. Snart.”

“Unnecessary tensions?” Lisa scoffs, and Eddie looks about as dissatisfied with the situation as she does.

“Jay has a point,” Wally agrees, speaking up for the first time since he joined them. “Getting all worked up and accusing one another is not going to help anybody here.”

“Exactly.” Iris really doesn’t like the idea of additional animosity rising between them seeing that the whole situation is difficult enough as it is. “They’re clearly not here to cause us problems.”

“Probably, but they’re most likely still going to end up to do exactly that,” Joe points out and meets her disapproving look firmly. “I’m not saying that we shouldn’t help them, Iris.” Her father turns to Lisa as he goes on. “But we know from the past that all of them have more than questionable morals and are now in possessions of powers that could cause a lot of damage.”

“Yeah, because you’re so fucking important to us right now,” Lisa sneers. “We’ve far bigger things on our mind than some shitty cops. You think we’re worried about a joke like you who’s unable to catch any criminals that are an actual threat or look after his own son?”

This words are aimed to hut, and for a split second, a pained expression crosses Joe’s face. It is quickly replaced by a much angrier one, though, and Iris feels the urge to stomp her foot in frustration over how they can seriously choose this moment to have a fight about that.

“Nobody of us could have foreseen what happened to Barry or the rest of you,” Iris interjects quickly instead, taking her dad the possibility to reply. She meets Lisa’s harsh glare unabashedly as she proceeds. “There is no reason to put blame on anybody but the people who abducted you. Getting in a fight over this won’t help anybody of us, certainly not your brother or Barry.”

This gives Lisa pause, and she watches Iris for a moment, seemingly considering her words. Her eyes are narrowed and lips pinched, and while it is obviously that she doesn’t like it, she does seem to agree with her-

“Is everything okay?” Barry’s voice doesn’t only startle Iris, and his sudden appearance is once again just as unexpected and slightly unnerving as last time around.

Iris tries not to feel too creeped out by the fact that he seems to have appeared out of nowhere next to her, even though she is pretty sure he did not sneak up on them this time but used his _powers_.

Her unease quickly is forgotten when she actually takes note of his expression, though, and it catches her off-guard how outright _frightened_ he seems as he studies them in apprehension.

“Are you fighting?” He sounds so young, like when they were still kids, back when he was still new to living with them and had just lost his mother.

“No.” Henry steps closer to Barry, meeting his worried eyes with a warm and reassuring smile. “We’re not fighting, slugger, we just had a brief discussion.”

Barry studies his dad’s face, biting his lips nervously as he does so, and it once again hits Iris how much his experience over the last few years changed him. It hurts to see him like this, and she ask herself not for the first time what they could do to help him getting over what happened to him.

Or whether he actually even could.

“’kay…” Barry agrees quietly after he turned to the rest of them and briefly searched their faces. It is palpable that he doesn’t really believe his father’s words.

A shiver runs through him, and he seems like he wants to say something else but is uncertain what or how.

Leonard joins them, then, still looking very pale but not like he is in an exceeding amount of pain anymore, and Barry’s reaction to his presence is nearly palpable when he immediately starts to relax and the unhappy frown on his face eases away as he turns to his partner.

“Everything’s alright?” Leonard asks as he stops about an arm’s length from Barry.

Barry makes a small sound, something that lies between uncertainty and distress, and shoots the criminal a help seeking look that causes Iris throat to close up a bit.

“Everything is fine,” Jay says, and the way Leonard watches him in response isn’t exactly friendly to say the least. Jay doesn’t seem deterred or even surprised by it, though, and instead goes on, directing his next words towards Barry with an encouraging smile. “I think we’re all just a bit hungry, it’s already way past lunchtime. Maybe we should order some pizza again?”

This seems to brighten Barry’s mood immediately, and he actually starts to look excited again as he nods quickly in agreement. “Yes!”

He turns to Leonard, reaching for his hand, and the other man lets him take it without protest. “You’ve to eat something, Lenny, you haven’t eaten anything so far today.”

The criminal gives him a faint indulging smile, and Iris has the feeling that Barry worrying about this is something that has to be happening a lot.

Barry then turns to Henry, smiling brightly. “We got pizza yesterday!”

Henry aches his eyebrows in response, looking both amused and a bit confused by his son’s sudden bout of excitement over the dish. “That’s great.”

“Yes!” Barry agrees readily and turns to Wally, giving him an outright adoring look. “And Wally got me canned _pineapples_.”

Iris’ brother seems more bemused than uncomfortable by how Barry makes it sound like he picked him some of the actual stars from the sky instead of making just a quick stop at a _Pick ‘n Save_.

“ _Pinaba_!” little Barry joins in, sounding nearly as excited as his uncle, and Iris has to chuckle in response, pressing a kiss on the top of her son’s head.

“You want some pineapple too?” she asks him, and isn’t in the last surprised when he agrees with a happy shriek and starts to babble about _pinabas_.

They end up ordering from the same places as yesterday, and Iris is glad how the previous aggressive mood seems to have mostly dissipated again by then.

Harry and Ronny join them as Barry seems rather adamant about having them all together for the meal. It still surprises Iris that he was really able to fetch them both, though, seeing that they are rather busy down in the particle accelerator right now.

The only person that is a constant part of the S.T.A.R. labs team that is missing is Eobard, and Iris is honestly glad that Barry didn’t insist on getting him too. If she had to never meet that man ever again, it would still be too soon.

They stay in the cortex to eat. Nobody says anything, but she is pretty sure that everybody decided that they would probably have the couches in the longue cleaned before using them again.

The mood is relaxed, and Barry keeps his little nephew on his lap, sitting on one of the chairs he picked up for them from somewhere else in the building, next to Leonard, and despite Eddie’s initial returned reluctance about it, her husband soon relaxed again when it became obvious that the criminal is not intending to cause any damage to any of them.

She isn’t particularly hungry and mostly just nibbles on a slice while she watches Barry interact with her son and the others, especially his dad and Joe, who were both rather quiet at first. Len hardly takes part of the conversation, but keeps an arm around Barry’s back, letting his hand rest on his hip, and seems much more at ease than just half an hour ago.

It is nice, she thinks as she leans into Eddie who has his hand around her as well, having her brother back and having her family whole again.

Eddie kisses her temple, and she turns to him, meets his eyes with a warm, fond look, as she tries to ignore the small voice in the back of her mind.

The one that keeps whispering to her that this moment is like a bubble made of glass.

Something temporary, something that would inevitably break.

Iris turns back to Barry who is holding her son close, smiling and relaxed, and tries to focus on that.

***

“Vienna is nice,” Barry points out again, for what has to be the third time. “They’ve great ice-cream.”

Henry smiles, tired and relaxed, and feels a familiar fondness and gratefulness settle over him as he watches his son next to him.

They’ve returned to a longue area in one of the upper floors, a smaller one that offers a couch, a coffee table, a television, and a soda machine, but not much else, and what was Henry’s resting place last night. It is small and a bit sterile, but still a welcome change to his prison cell of the last 17 years, and the fact that he can actually be in the same room as his son makes Henry really pretty much oversee any of its possible shortages.

It is late, close to midnight, and they’ve come here just a little while ago. Barry’s new friends are still in the cortex, getting checked through by Caitlin and Harry, which had his son pretty nervous at first, even though he tried not to show it.

Now, cradling his little nephew’s plush rabbits in his arm, Barry seems less nervous and calmer than he did just twenty minutes ago. The little plushy is clearly helping with that, it was a present from little Barry to comfort his uncle when he got upset enough about Joe and the Thawnes having to leave again that he started to cry.

Seeing his son like this, so very upset, was gut-wrenching, and Henry had felt helpless, unable to really console his child who wanted the people that he considered family to stay together. He was incredibly grateful for the toddler’s display of kindness, that the little boy offered his plushy to console Barry, and that it actually worked.

“There are also lots of museums,” Barry adds, pulling the little rabbit closer. “You’d like it there… Len likes it there.”

It is nearly eerie how much Barry reminds him of when he was still a young boy, small and nervous.

Scared even.

Very different from the young man he grew into and a lot like the kid who suddenly lost his home over night.

“Len means a lot to you?” Henry asks even though it isn’t really a question. Seeing Barry interact with the other man made it quite clear in what kind of relationship these two are.

… and it worries him.

He has no problem with Barry being homosexual or bisexual. In a way, he is glad for his son to finally be able to move on from Iris, but he knows who Snart is. The man has a reputation, and he doesn’t doubt that he can be just as ruthless as people say.

That doesn’t mean that Henry doubts that the criminal returns Barry’s feelings, it becomes more than clear whenever they interact that he does, but relationships that start during or following traumatic events are usually not the healthiest or most stable ones, making the people involved too dependent on each other.

“Yes,” Barry replies earnestly, without hesitation, and relaxes a bit. “I love him.”

Prior to his kidnapping, Barry would have reacted much more self-conscious and reluctant to such a question. Now, he doesn’t even bat an eye. It is worrying to see this change, not because Barry feels at peace with his feelings, but because Henry is pretty sure that this is mostly due to him still being gravely traumatized and using Snart as some kind of anchor and security blanket.

He is no psychiatrist, but he knows that this can make it hard for people to recover as it offers them a way to avoid deal with their actual trauma…

Aside from that, Snart is clearly not on his most stable mindset himself right now, and while Henry doubts that the man wanted to hurt anybody earlier today in the lab, he is sure that his powers could be very harmful to anybody, Barry included.

Seeing Barry like this makes him dread to learn what exactly was done to him in that facility even more. Psychological scaring like his son is displaying don’t just come out of nowhere, they have to be carved into him, and imagining what Barry had to experience to be so deeply hurt is frightening.

“He is taking care of you?” Henry asks, pushing the notion of what could have been done to Barry momentarily out of his mind, focusing back on his child.

As expected, Barry smiles. “Uhu, he makes sure I’m okay, and I make sure he is okay.”

“He does need you to look out for him when he doesn’t feel so well, doesn’t he?” Henry can’t say he is surprised that Barry would try and protect the man. His son always had the urge to help others, and Snart is obviously not doing too well himself, physically and more than likely mentally as well.

Again, Barry nods in agreement, but this time he averts his eyes to the plus rabbit on his lap, an unhappy frown in place. “His head hurts a lot… I think it are his powers.” He grimaces and shudders. “They hurt at times, you know. Not so much me, but the others… Len gets these awful headaches, Roy and Mardon get so depressed, and the others are scared of what they can do now…”

Barry pauses for a moment, biting his lower lip hard enough that Henry is sure it has to be painful. Eventually, he goes on with a reluctance to his tone. “They’re afraid that we’re going to get captured again, but I won’t let it happen…”

Another shudder runs through Barry’s body then, and he lifts his eyes to meet Henry’s with an urgent look. “I don’t want to kill anymore.” His words are hardly more than a whisper. He grimaces and whimpers, shaking his head as if to try and shake some painful memories right off. “I hated it… I don’t wanna kill anybody…”

“Barry,” Henry speaks in a low, calming voice, trying to offer his son some comfort, but Barry cuts him off, huffing in frustration. “We can’t let them find us, they will hurt us again, and I’ll have to kill them again, and I don’t want to! I never did! I _didn’t_ want to!”

The trembling that took hold of all of Barry’s body gets worse, and Henry doesn’t know whether it would be a good idea to touch him like this or not, but he still finds himself reaches out for him and pulls him into his arms.

Barry grows utterly still for a second, even seems to stop breathing. A faint whimper escapes him, and he slings his arms around Henry in return, holding on to him with a nearly painful force.

“Barry, I know,” Henry says, and it hurts to speak with the lump in his throat. The realization of what his son had been forced to do is sickening, and he wishes he could do something, help him somehow, make all these horrible things that happened to him undone, but like usual, he can do hardly anything to aid his son. He can’t offer much more but words…

“And we won’t let it come to it,” Henry proceeds as he rubs Barry’s back. “We make sure that these people don’t get you again.”

Another whole body shudder runs through Barry’s body, then, and it is an odd sensation, not like normal trembling but like he is actually vibrating.

“They’ll come after you as well,” Barry whimpers, and he digs his fingers painfully hard in Henry’s back. “They can’t get you, they’ll hurt you! They’ll cut you open, and I can’t let them damage you too!”

He sounds utterly terrified, more frightened than Henry has ever heard him, and his fear is so strong it seems to thicken the air between them.

A chill goes through him as he listens to his son, and he isn’t sure how to reply. None of this is normal, it is awful stuff that shouldn’t be possible to happen in real life, and the notion that anybody could put Barry through such a thing...

“I’ve to protect you,” Barry goes on, voice faint but still full of fear, and he starts to sound nearly frantic as he speaks. “I’ve to protect all of you, they’ll hurt you. I can’t let Dr. Danielle get you, she’ll make me watch when they cut you open-”

“Barry.” Henry feels both horrified and disgusted by his son’s words, by the implications of them. “Nobody is going to be hurt, and you don’t need to worry about any of these things now-”

“No,” Barry protests stubbornly, whimpering, and presses himself closer against his father while he tries to curl up into a small ball at the same time. “They’ll hurt you! I don’t want them to hurt you! You can’t die!”

“I won’t die,” Henry assures him and tries not to flinch when Barry digs his fingers painfully hard in his back. “And nobody will cut me, or you, or anybody of your friends open. You’re safe here, Barry, you’re not-”

“No!” Barry pushes himself back so that he can face Henry. “No! They’ll come and get us if we stay here! Nowhere is safe! They’re everywhere, and they want to lock us in our cells again, and I don’t want you to be locked up there and hurt!”

“Barry,” Henry keeps his voice low and calm, and reaches for his son’s wrists, taking a light and hopefully comforting hold of them. It is hard to not show how much any of this disturbs and frightens him, both the words and the terror he can see in Barry’s eyes, but he knows that his child would grow only more upset and panicked otherwise.

“You are safe here,” Henry repeats slowly, clearly. “We are safe.”

“No…”

“I won’t let this happen to you again.” Henry lets go of one of Barry’s wrists and reaches up to cup his cheek. He feels exhausted, still thrown for a loop due to what happened over the last two days, but even so he knows that he would do anything to keep his son safe. “It is not your responsibility to protect me-”

“I’ve to-”

“No,” he cuts him off without lifting his voice. “I’m your father, Barry. I know that there are people out there who are after you, and I know that I’m probably also in danger now, but this is not something you’ve to worry about on your own. Your friends here at S.T.A.R. labs want to help you, we will find a way to keep you and the others safe.”

Barry looks conflicted, he clearly doesn’t believe that they’d be able protect them, and Henry wishes he was still just a boy, the small child that thought his dad could do about anything… before Nora’s death burst that bubble.

“I don’t want them to hurt you,” Barry finally says again, quietly, and his free hand takes hold of Henry’s that has still a loose grip on his wrist.

“I know.” Henry tries give his son a smile that doesn’t show how upsetting this whole messed up situation is. “And we’ll make sure that neither of us gets hurt. You’ve people who care about you, and will make sure that nothing happens to you or your friends.”

“Or you,” Barry reminds him, watching him still with that worried and frightened expression that makes Henry’s heart ache.

“Of course,” he agrees and moves his hand to give Barry’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “I won’t go anywhere again, slugger.”

Henry did think about turning himself in again briefly, simply because he had only four more years left, and the life as a fugitive does not appeal to him, especially now that he knows that his son is still alive. After a brief conversation with Joe he had prior the other man and his family left, they decided that it would be better for him to sit duck for now, though, considering that there was the possibility that the people who initially abducted Barry and the others could very well end up and try to use him as bait in case he returns to the prison.

It is odd how much his life could change within hardly more than a day, and it is bitter to think about how this has happened two times to him now, both times due to a man who doesn’t even belong to this time…

“I’m glad I’ve you back,” Henry tells Barry as he forces his focus back on his son.

Barry starts to blink rapidly and bites his lower lip again, looking just a second away from breaking, and Henry pulls him closer once more and offers comfort in a way he wasn’t able to for so many years.

“We’re going to be okay,” Henry assures him, rubbing his back soothingly once again.

“’kay…” Barry whimpers, his face buried in the crook of Henry’s neck and body still trembling badly enough that it feels like he is actually vibrating.

… and for all Henry knew, he very well could be. After what he has seen since his escape from prison, Barry seems to be an exceedingly strong meta-human, and he has really next to no idea about his powers yet.

They stay like this for a while. Henry is sure that Barry needs the assurance of having him back just as much as it is the other way around, and even with everything else that is going on, knowing that his son is close and still alive is the most reassuring thing he could have wished for.

“I’m glad I’ve you back too,” Barry says quietly, and, after a brief moment of hesitation, he asks. “You aren’t angry that I… you d-don’t hate me…”

Even though he breaks off, Henry knows what his son is talking about, and it hurts to think how much it to be weighing down on Barry what he had been forced to do.

“No.” Henry cups Barry’s neck and gives it a light squeeze. When he pulls back, his son reluctantly does the same thing. “I love you, Barry, and what happened does not change that. I know that you feel horrible about what you had to do, and I don’t know everything that went on just yet, but I know that you’re still a wonderful young man, who tries to look out for the people he loves, and who doesn’t want to hurt anybody.”

Barry sniffles, visibly fighting the urge to start crying again, and reaches up to rub his eyes.

“’kay,” he utters quietly and swallows before he adds. “Thank you.”

Henry wishes there was more he could do for his son, a way to make him feel better and understand that none of what was done to him is his fault, but he knows there is no instant cure to Barry’s pain. It would need time and patience.

“Can you tell me a bit about mom?” Barry asks quietly, and the question is unexpected enough that Henry is unable to reply for a second.

He avoided thinking about Nora for a while now…

There is no reason why he should keep on doing this now, though, not when their son is a part of his life again, and how just looking at him remind him of her in so many ways.

Henry smiles and nods. “Of course, Slugger.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Barry finally got to meet little Barry! :D
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, it was fun to write it from Iris' and Henry's POV, two characters I haven't used that much in this story so far.
> 
> The update comes a bit late, but still earlier than I intended to post it, tbh. I usually want to have at least one chapter in reserve before posting a new one, but I was silly busy these last two months because of my job and studies, and I didn't want to let you wait any longer.
> 
> I'm going on holiday the week after next, I'm pretty sure that I'll find enough time to write the next one then, but just as a warning, my life has become very busy right now, and it will probably take a while for it to calm down again. I want to let you know that it can take a while in between updates, I will try to keep it at every three to four weeks, but I can't guarantee that I will be able to stick to it. I've no intend to abandon this story, though, so please don't worry about that.
> 
> I hope you guys understand that, and thanks to all you lovelies who stick around despite me not being the fastest when it comes to updating. ;)


	16. Of Scary Things and Pizza Thiefs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry can't sleep, friends pass by, and another chase happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not edited, and I'm always grateful when someone points an error I made in my writings out to me so that I can correct it! :)

Barry knows that something is off the moment he wakes up.

It is like an itching in the back of his mind, and he slowly opens his eyes to the darkness in the office that is Len’s and his temporary bedroom.

His head is resting on his partner’s bare chest, and he listens to the slow rhythmic beating of his heart, a calming noise he concentrates on as he glances around to find what woke him.

The odd sensation lingers for a moment longer, like a faint itch at the back of his mind, and then, just as sudden as it came over him, it is gone again.

Frowning, Barry sits up, careful as not to wake Len, and looks around the room, wondering what could have woken him. The other man stirs, anyway, tightening his arm around Barry’s waist, and cracking an eye open.

“’s everything alright?” Len asks, his voice still thickly from sleep.

Barry hums in agreement and rests a hand on his partner’s shoulder while he keeps searching for the source of what woke him. “Yeah… just had an odd feeling.”

A frown appears on Len’s brows as he studies him quietly for a moment. “Something we should worry about?”

It’s a fair question, and Barry briefly wonders the same thing. Eventually, he shakes his head, though. “Nah, I think it was just my mind.”

This would not have been the first time that he imagined something. He is kind of prone to see or hear things that aren’t there since their stay in the facility, and they all know it. It is a source of ongoing frustration for Barry, as he tends to get paranoid whenever the world around him starts to feel off to him. Usually, when this happens, he starts to do stupid things…

“You want to get up and get something to drink?” Len studies him calmly, no reproach or annoyance for being awoken over nothing, even though he is still clearly feeling exhausted.

Barry bites his lower lip as he thinks about the offer. A very big part of him wants to say yes, because he doesn’t feel like keeping still anymore, but he knows that this would be unfair to Len. He glances over to the clock at the desk next to their makeshift bed on the ground.

The glowing numbers show 04:16 am.

It’s early, but not as early as he feared it would be. He knows that Caitlin left for the night, but Cisco is sleeping down in the Cortex…

“I’ll go and visit Cisco,” Barry decides and turns back to Len, moving his hand that has been resting on the other man’s shoulder so that it is cupping his cheek. “You go back to sleep, you need you’re rest, Lenny. Okay?”

His partner frowns, obviously not liking the idea of him going off on his own.

“We’re safe,” Barry assures him before Len can protest and strokes his cheekbone tenderly with his thumb. “Nobody will hurt you or the others while we’re here. My friends just want to help us.”

“We can’t trust them,” Len disagrees, but Barry ignores it, pretty sure that his partner is probably a little cranky because he is still tired.

“We’re safe, Len.” Barry gives him a warm smile and bows down to place a kiss above his eyebrow. “Just rest a little longer, okay? You’re exhausted.”

For a moment, a very familiar stubborn expression settles over Len’s face, and Barry doesn’t like the idea that they could actually end up having a quarrel over this. Then, the other man relaxes, eying him quietly before he nods. “Fine, but you’ll get me the moment something happens.”

Relieved, Barry grins and nods. “Sure.”

Once again, he bows down to steal a quick kiss from Len’s lips this time, whispering a quiet _I love you_ , before he gets out of the bed.

The light in the hallway is bright and blinds him briefly before his eyes get used to it again. Barry glances back inside, to where Len is now laying with their blanket pulled over his head as he obviously doesn’t enjoy the sudden lack of darkness. A fond smile spreads over Barry’s lips before he turns to leave.

The door closes behind him again as he takes another step into the hallway and makes his way towards the elevator, glancing at Lisa’s room next to theirs as he passes it. She’s probably still asleep, like most people in the building.

The thought that he could go up to his dad’s room crosses his mind, and it is quite alluring as a very reassuring comfort comes with it. Even so, Barry is well aware that his dad needs his rest, and it wouldn’t be fair to pester him just because he is feeling a little unsettled again.

Maybe he could pass by the small kitchen on the ground floor before he goes to the Cortex?

Despite Barry not being particularly hungry, snacking on something usually helps him to settle his nerves and calm down.

The elevator ride takes next to no time, but still feels like a small eternity to him. Shifting his weight from one leg to the other as he is filled with nervous energy, he waits impatiently for the door to finally open enough that he can get out.

In the end, he throws his patience in the wind and just phases through it, not liking being in a small space like that, especially while he is alone.

Out in the wider hallway, Barry’s heart quickly slows down again, and he pushes the fear away that briefly settled over him away. He tries to think of talking to his friend and relax a little as he swiftly makes his way to the Cortex.

Food can wait, he wants to see whether Cisco is already up first. Maybe, if his friend was up to it, they both could snack together. A very early breakfast-

There are voices. _Familiar_ voices.

Barry slows down for a moment, surprised and confused, before excitement floods him, and he flashes forward, appearing in the Cortex just a millisecond later, arms around the unexpected guest.

“Ollie!” Barry cries, thrilled to see his friend again, hardly noticing how the body in his arms goes absolutely rigid for a moment. “When did you arrive?” He pulls back, grinning at the other man. “I was about to ask Cisco whether he wants to join me for a snack! Now you can join us too!” He turns to where Felicity stands next to them and adds. “You too, of course! We can order pizza!”

They also have to get pineapples! He really wants some pineapples now!

It’s a pity he already ate all of the canned ones Wally got him, maybe he could make a quick trip to a Pick-

“Barry.” Ollie grabs his upper arms in a firm grip, not painfully so but enough that it causes Barry’s attention to turn back on him, and it is then that Barry realizes that he has started to vibrate again. His friend’s voice is low but firm when he proceeds. “Focus.”

Barry stills, eyes wide. “Okay.”

The fingers around his arms loosen, and Oliver goes on, softer. “It’s good to see you too.”

Barry smiles in return, somewhat uncertain this time, and makes a step back, phasing through the other man’s hands. He watches how Oliver tenses up for a moment in response, a surprised expression on his face that is replaced by a frown as he lets his arms sink next to his body.

“You want pizza?” Barry asks, meekly this time, not sure whether he is being bothersome again. The others get annoyed with him at times when he talks about getting food too much, especially when he gets very excited, and he really doesn’t want Ollie to get angry with him.

“Sure,” Felicity replies in the other man’s stead, meeting Barry eyes with a warm, friendly look. “I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday, and pizza sounds great.”

Barry perks up at that, grinning excitedly and turns to Cisco.

“Sure, man,” Cisco agrees, who is studying him with a slight frown before it vanishes and is replaced by a wide smile. “Pizza sounds great. You wanna order from the same place like last time?”

Excited, Barry nods. “Yes, and I want extra pineapples on mine again.”

His friend chuckles, clearly amused by his obsession with that fruit, and agrees. “Right, one pineapple pizza comes right up.”

While Cisco goes and makes their orders, two Hawaiian pizzas for Barry, a tuna salad for each Oliver and Felicity, and a Spicy Treat for himself, they make their way to the longue in the second floor.

Barry takes a seat on the smaller side of the L-shaped couch, pulling his legs up after taking his shoes off and holding them in a loose hug, while Felicity and Oliver decide to sit on the longer section.

“When did you arrive?” Barry asks, watching both of his friend attentively, and notices how close to each other they actually sit.

“Just about fifteen minutes ago,” Felicity informs him as she brushes a loose strain of hair behind her ear. “This wasn’t really a planned trip, otherwise we would have let you known beforehand that we will pass by.”

“That’s okay,” Barry assures her. “It’s always nice to see you.” He looks over to Oliver and adds, sincerely. “You too, Ollie.”

The archer’s frown that has been persistently resting on his face, lightens a little, and he cracks a small smile. “Yes, we didn’t really have time to talk the last time around.”

The place where he came to himself not even a week ago crosses Barry’s mind, and he shudders involuntarily, remembering the feeling of terror all too vividly that overcame him when he woke up on the examination table. Shivering, he pulls his legs closer, and bites his lower lip hard, welcoming the pain that helps him to root himself in the presence.

“Barry!” Felicity sounds worried, and startles Barry out of the darker thoughts that started to fill his mind once more.

“Huh?” Barry asks, feeling slightly disorientated for a second as he turns to his friend. The familiar wet warmth of blood start to drip down his chin, then, and realizes that he must have bitten his lip open.  Annoyed at himself, he presses the end of his right sleeve against it, and utters and apology to the others.

“I didn’t mean to unsettle you,” Oliver says, a deep concern accompanying his words that can also be found in his eyes as he watches Barry.

“Nah.” Barry waves him off. “I’m not all right up here anymore.” He makes a vague gesture towards his head and grimaces unhappily. “I tend to do stupid stuff like this. I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

Neither Oliver nor Felicity seem to know what to say to that, causing an awkward moment of silence to follow.

“You found your friends,” Oliver finally settles on saying, apparently deciding to redirect their conversation to another topic.

“Yes!” Barry feels excitement wash over him at the mention of Len and the others, and he grins broadly as he corrects the other man. “They found me, though.”

“Dislocating Firestorm’s shoulder while they were at it,” Oliver agrees, causing Felicity to shoot him a disapproving look.

“Lisa thought I’m in danger,” Barry defends his friend, frowning. “She wouldn’t have hurt him otherwise.”

Judging by the skeptical expression on Oliver’s face, it is obvious that he doubts the validity of that statement.

“It’s a good thing he has someone looking out for him, Oliver,” Felicity states, meeting Oliver’s eyes firmly. “And you do remember why exactly we are here, right?”

To Barry’s surprise and relief, Oliver relaxes at that, though he is now looking even grimmer than before.

“What do you mean?” Barry inquires confused, giving both of his friends a seeking look. “Why are you here?”

As if on a cue, Cisco chooses this moment to join them. “Pizza will be here in around twenty-five minutes, and I took the liberty of ordering us some dessert as well. Breakfast is the most forgiving meal of the day, after all…” The scientist stops when he notices the mood in the room and aches an eyebrow. “Uh… something happened while I was gone?”

“No-” Oliver starts but is cut off by Barry. “They were about to tell why they are here.” He frowns. “I think it has something to do with Len and the others.”

“Oh…” Cisco looks rather ill at easy for a moment, like he doesn’t really want to be here anymore all of a sudden. He still ends up joining Barry at his part of the couch, though.

Don’t understanding his friends’ odd behavior and feeling impatient and pent up with too much restless energy, Barry starts to vibrate lightly as he uncurls himself. He doesn’t like how tensed the air between them suddenly feels, and he wishes Len was here. His partner always helps him to stay calm and focus in moments like this one.

“We talked to Amanda Waller,” Oliver finally starts to explain, keeping his voice low and light, though his expression speaks volumes about how much he disliked this experience. “Do you remember her?”

Barry shudders, knowing all too well who his friend is talking about, and nods jerkily. “The woman who wanted to dissected me.”

Next to him, Cisco makes a strangled noise, but Barry keeps his eyes on Oliver, who agrees. “Yes, she is head of _A.R.G.U.S._ , an organization that tries to keep the US save from dangerous people of any kind-”

“And who show no scruple when it comes to getting this done,” Felicity interjects with a pinched expression, obviously not liking Waller or her organization very much either.

“Yes,” Oliver agrees, glancing at Felicity with a somewhat exasperated expression. “But it seems that she has a reason to do so this time around.”

“I can’t believe you really consider trusting here,” Felicity interrupts him again, annoyed. “After everything-”

“I’m _not_ trusting her,” Oliver denies grimly. “But what she showed us does mean that we have to consider our options very well-”

“She wants to _use_ them, Oliver,” Felicity cuts him off sharply. “Them and you! She knows that her lackeys probably won’t be able to deal with this, so she wants to use you to get the dirty work done instead. You’re supposed to clean up a mess we know next to nothing about in the first place.”

“We know that this will likely cost the earth if we don’t.”

“That’s her assumption! Waller doesn’t even know what this strange cube-thingy really does! All she builds her assumptions on is a priest who obviously hasn’t all his marbles anymore! What if this kills you all!? It very well could as far as we know!”

“Felicity-”

“Could you stop fighting?” Barry interjects, voice meek and distorted due to how upset he feels. “ _Please?_ ”

He doesn’t want them to fight. He hates it when others fight… it _scares_ him.

A tense silence follows, and Barry glances nervously between both of his friends. They don’t look angry anymore. Oliver studies him with a sombre, tired expression, while Felicity just seems sad.

“Hey, buddy.” Cisco cups his shoulder lightly, causing him to turns his attention to him. “They’re fine. They’re not really fighting, they just had a couple of really long days behind them and are a little on edge because of that.”

Barry shivers again and leans into the comforting touch of his friend. He is glad Cisco is here, he gives off such a pleasant and welcome calmness contrary to the other two. “I’m sorry…”

“You don’t need to apologize, Barry,” Felicity says in Cisco’s stead. “I shouldn’t have gotten this upset.” She exchanges a brief, unhappy look with Oliver before she turns back to him. “We learned of a danger that is threatening earth, and as Cisco said, this has us pretty worried.”

“What danger?” Barry studies Felicity curiously. His life has been nothing but danger and trying to hiding from it for the last years. He can understand if this is hard on them, it does put a toll on one.

“Waller thinks that there is a creature called _Darkseid_. It’s supposed to be a powerful tyrant from another universe,” Oliver explains, leaning back into the couch, and rubbing a hand over his face warily before he goes on. “Apparently, the Reverse Flash’s attempt to jump back into his own time, caused some fractures in the time-space-continuum and caught that creature’s attention.”

“An alien tyrant from another universe?” Barry whispers, and the notion that there actually is alien life is ridiculously exciting for a moment. That is, till his mind catches up with the rest of what his friend said. He cocks his head to the side, frowning in confusion. “Eobard fractured the _time-space-continuum_?”

“In a manner of speaking,” Cisco points out. “We don’t really know what this time-space-continuum really is, or how we can visualize it, but whatever Prof. Thawne did, it messed something up that didn’t go unnoticed by others, it seems.”

“How can this Darkseid come to our universe, though?” Barry inquires further, still confused about what he just learned and what is implied by it. “Is he a speedster too?”

And does that mean that a speedster can’t only travel through time but _space_ as well?

That is a frightening thought considering what dangers this could pose.

“No…” Oliver pauses and seems to reconsider his answer. “Well, we don’t know what or who exactly he is or what his powers are, but Waller claims that he could possibly be the worst danger we’ve ever faced. According to her, he had been on war with dozens of world before. He attacked civilizations much further advanced than ours, and came out of the victor from all of them, destroying the life on these planets as consequence.”

… that doesn’t sound good.

Barry starts to nervously gnaw on his lower, by now healed, lip again. If there was really a danger like this threatening earth, they would have to face it and make sure that it doesn’t cause the end of human kind.

But Len and the others don’t like the use their powers, they hardly ever do so, not even on a heist, only when it’s really necessary.

“You can’t be sure that this Waller woman doesn’t just use this as an excuse to lure Barry and his friends back to her so she can get her scrubby fingers on them again,” Cisco points out. “Or did you see any proof of this Darkseid she was talking about?”

Oliver pauses for a moment, his frown deepening. “She showed us something she calls a _mother box_ which is tech that supposedly is far too advanced to be from our earth.”

“Really?” Cisco perks up at that, visibly intrigued by this piece of information. “What can it do?”

“We don’t know,” Felicity admits, not looking particularly happy about it. “This thing seems to be on a lockdown, and trying to take it apart or get it to work didn’t really get them anywhere so far. Its material contains at least one to us still unknown element, though, and the parts it is made up of look like nothing Waller’s scientists claim to have ever seen.”

“Really?” Cisco sounds quite excited by the prospect of such a thing actually existing. His mood quickly dims again when he notices the disapproving looks he gets from both of their visitors. He coughs sheepishly. “Uh, I mean, that sounds interesting… and dangerous. Very, very dangerous.”

“You came here because you want my and the others’ help?” Barry asks, causing them to turn back to him.

Oliver hesitates before he shakes his head. “Waller asked for it-”

“ _Demanded_ is more like it.” Felicity huffs.

“- but we came here to wager our options,” Oliver finishes, slightly annoyed.

“What does she expect Barry to do?” Cisco asks, skeptically. “If that dude is really so dangerous as you seem to think, how can he be defeated? And if he is a tyrant, doesn’t that mean he has, like, a _whole army_?”

“We don’t expect Barry to do anything,” Oliver argues, audibly frustrated now. “And we still don’t know much about anything regarding Darkseid. Waller wants us to meet up with her again to discuss things further.” He meets Barry’s eyes as he proceeds. “ _All_ of us, your friends, and Thawne included.”

“Eobard?” Barry doesn’t like the idea of the other speedster being involved in anything that concerns the Rogues or him. Not that he likes the idea of getting anywhere close to Waller and her men either.

“You do remember that she was using Barry as a guinea pig, right?” Cisco remarks sarcastically, and crosses his arms in front of his chest. “How do we know she won’t just try to recapture them?”

“What would you think of accompanying us to make sure that doesn’t happen?” Oliver gives the younger man a thin, humorless smile. “Waller actually wants Caitlin and you there as well.”

Cisco bristles hearing that. “What? _Me?_ Why?” He nervously glances between Oliver and Felicity. “She knows about me? And Caitlin?”

Felicity gives him a sympathetic smile. “Yeah, it seems that Waller’s people are really topnotch when it comes to collection intel.”

“Jeez…” Cisco slides lower on the couch and covers his face with both of his hands. “Is she like _crazy evil_? What a stupid question, of course she is… damn, do you think she will go after my family if I don’t come along?” He grimaces. “I mean, we aren’t exactly close, but I don’t want anything happen to them… well, maybe Dante could use a _little_ scare but…” He groans and shoots Felicity a pleading look. “Can’t you hack into her system and erase all the data of Caitlin and me?”

The blond woman huffs a bitter chuckles and shakes her head. “You think I haven’t tried that already?”

Hearing this, Cisco seems to inflate on himself even more and moans miserably. “This is not what I signed up for when I started here.”

“You and me both,” Felicity mutters under her breath and ignores the sharp look Oliver gives her in response.

The hissing of the longue door opening startles all of them, and they simultaneously look over to the entrance.

Dr. Wells and Jay pause a step into the room, and while the later one gives them one of his usually easy smile, the doctor looks rather annoyed for some reason.

“Told you so,” Jay tells Harry, who shoots him a miffed glare. He turns his attention back to them, but before he can say something, Barry cuts him off, sounding both surprised and excited. “ _Jay!_ What are you doing here?”

The former speedster looks a bit embarrassed but the opportunity to explain is taken from him when Harry answers instead. “His sixth sense was tingling, apparently he noticed that you were up and _emotionally distraught_.”

“Harrison,” Jay hisses, shooting the other man an annoyed glare.

“I’m not emotionally distraught,” Barry protests and turns to Cisco as if to ask for help.

“Uh,” Cisco looks unsure what to say before he agrees. “Right, he isn’t.”

“See?” Barry points at his friend and frowns at Harry. “I’m okay.”

“Fine, it seems Mr. Garrick was mistaken, then,” Harry agrees with a snort and smirks when Jay protests once again about having said any such thing. Then, he notices Oliver and Felicity and redirects his attention to them. “Mr. Queen, Ms. Snow, you decided to pay S.T.A.R. labs a visit at half past four in the morning? Did something happen?”

“No,” Oliver denies in a rather gruff tone, but Felicity is way less reluctant about sharing the actual reason for their presence. “We talked to Waller, and it turns out that she needs Barry’s and the Rogues’ help.”

“Yeah,” Cisco agrees darkly. “Apparently there’s some evil, alien tyrant from another universe who wants to enslave humanity or destroy earth…” He pauses for a moment and adds with an uneasy shrug. “We’re not really sure what exactly his plan is, but it certainly won’t bode well for us.”

“Wait a minute.” Jay watches Cisco with a perplexed expression. “What other universe? And there _are_ aliens?”

“Yes!” Barry agrees, excitedly bobbing up and down. “I know! How cool is that! Alien lifeforms actually really exist!”

“Waller seems to believe so,” Oliver explains, ignoring Barry’s outburst. “She got information according to which that being could pose a very serious threat to all of us, and she seems to have acquired alien tech that supports her theory.”

“ _Alien tech_?” Jay asks, clearly intrigued by that possibility of such a thing existing, which causes Harry to shoot him an exasperated look. The doctor looks back to the archer and asks skeptically. “And Mrs. Waller wants Mr. Allen and his little circle of criminal friends back because she hopes they can prevent a possible catastrophe?”

“Apparently,” Oliver agrees,” but she didn’t bother to explain what exactly is on her mind. She wants a meeting with all of us.” He smirks grimly and nods to Harry. “I’m sure the invitation is extended to you as well, Dr. Wells.”

“I think I’ll decline,” Harry replies drily, though Barry doesn’t miss the unease that is now radiating off him. “I don’t think I’m in any hurry to meet that woman again.”

“Your knowledge could possibly be of use,” Jay points out. “This seems about trans dimensional travelling-”

“I got that,” Harry cuts him off, sharply. “But I think Mrs. Waller will likely have more than enough smart heads at her service to make sure that they come to a satisfying solution for this problem.”

It is hard to miss that Jay isn’t happy about the doctor’s decline to join them as well, and Barry wonders what reason Dr. Wells has to be afraid of Waller.

Though, then again, there is probably a lot to be afraid of when it comes to that woman…

Their food arrives, and Barry decides to go back to Len with his portion because he doesn’t want to talk about Waller or Darkseid, or anything like that anymore. The notion that he would have to face that woman again upsets him, but he knows that he can’t just hide himself away if there was a real danger approaching earth.

A part of him hopes that Len and the others would help as well, while another desperately wants them to decline and keep as far away from any of this as possible.

Shivering, Barry makes his was over to the elevator, hoping Cisco and the others aren’t angry about his abrupt departure, though nobody tried to stop him-

The boxes are suddenly gone from his hands, causing him to freeze for a split second before he whirls around.

There, at the other end of the hallway, stand Zoom, smirking and holding both of said missing pizza boxes.

Barry stares at him for a long moment, frowning in confusion.

Zoom lifts his stolen good as if to give him a better look before he suddenly takes off, and Barry takes pursuit before even realizing what he is doing.

The night air is cool and fresh, and it is still dark outside but no more than one hour till dawn.

Barry doesn’t notice any of it, nor the world that flashes past him and seems to be frozen in time. He is blind to the building, the cars, and the couple of peoples that are already out and about to start their day or just on their way home, as the darkly clad speedster in front of him holds his entire focus.

It doesn’t even occur to Barry how stupid this is what he is currently doing until the other man stops abruptly and he is forced to do so too to not collide with him.

There are trees around them, the air is clear and fresh, and the sound of rushing water reaches them from nearby.

They’ve to be somewhere outside the Twins, far away from the cities’ borders, and it hits Barry that they could be at the other end of the continent as far as he knows, seeing how his powers work these days…

“You really like pineapple, don’t you?”

Barry is shaken out of his stupor and turns to Zoom. The other speedster has opened one of the pizza boxes and is studying its content with an amused smirk. It isn’t lost on Barry that his voice doesn’t sound distorted this time around, but low and baritone. _Pleasant_ , really.

“That are my pizzas,” Barry points out, shifting nervously from one foot to the next, and glances around, wondering whether Eobard would turn up again like last time.

“Thawne’s resting,” Zoom tells him, obviously knowing what was going on in his mind. “He still needs to sleep, unlike us.”

“I do sleep,” Barry protests, nervously pulling at the hem of his shirt.

“I know,” Zoom agrees amused. “You humor your partner, don’t you?”

Him mentioning Len doesn’t sit well with Barry at all, and he feels how he unconsciously connects to the speed force in response as if he was readying himself for a fight-

“I didn’t mean it is a threat,” Zoom points out and turns back to study the pizza, apparently not in the least worried about Barry possibly attacking him. “I don’t like pineapples. They’re too sweet.”

Seeing that this whole situation makes no sense whatsoever, Barry feels pretty lost about what to do. It doesn’t help when he watches how the other man starts to pick the cut pieces of fruit off one slice as if it actually was meant for him.

“That are _my_ pizzas,” Barry repeats helplessly and wonders whether he should just speed over and try to get his food away from this freeloader or whether it really isn’t worth a potential fistfight.

He doesn’t like hurting others… not even creepy, strange speedsters that steal _his_ pizzas.

“You ever heard about how sharing food makes it taste better?” Zoom inquires, not even glancing his way as he picks the slice up.

“ _Hey!_ ” Barry watches how the other man takes a bite out of it, humming in appreciation as he does so.

Zoom glances over to him, visibly enjoying this… whatever _this_ is. “You can always come over here and take a piece for yourself.”

“You’re evil…” Barry reminds the speedster uneasily and squints at him. “But you behave differently from last night…” He frowns. “You don’t sound so _scary_ anymore.”

The other speedster snorts, bemused by his observation. “Evil is a very _volatile_ thing; it depends entirely on a person’s point of view. One man’s devil can be the other man’s savior.” He then nods to the pizza in his hand. “Come over if you want some, or I’ll make sure that there’s nothing left for you.”

Barry decides then and there that this strange speedster is a real jackass. “They are _my_ pizzas! Stop eating them! Cisco ordered them for me!”

“You want your pizzas back?” Zoom asks and actually makes it sounds as if that was a total new piece of information to him.

“ _Yes!_ ”

“Okay, you can have them back,” the speedster agrees with a grin. “But I’ll get something else from you instead for it.”

Barry frowns. “What-”

Zoom is fast, catching Barry off-guard who hasn’t expected him to move so suddenly. His lips are soft and warm, and taste faintly of cheese.

Barry freezes, eyes wide. The contact is gone again before real fear or anger can settle over him, though, and he jerks back, gasping a protest. He realizes quickly that there is nobody around anymore who he could tell off, as Zoom seems to have vanished into thin air.

A shiver run through his body as he looks down to his hands that are holding two boxes of pizza once more.

Confused and unsettled, Barry wants to get as far away from here as he can, but it hits him then that he has no idea where he actually is.

With a soft whimper of distress, he tries to think of what to do as he doesn’t liking the idea of running right now, not when he is so upset and it could mean he ends up anywhere over the world.

Eventually, he decides to make his way towards the direction from which he can hear the running water. It hardly takes him more than a minute to reach the source, a clam stream of a small river, clear enough that he can see his own reflection in the light of the full moon above him.

“Sam?” Barry calls out, hoping that this would work. Sam usually never seems to have a problem to hear them when they try to contact him through a reflective surface, but nobody of them ever tried this as far as he knows. The idea that he could be stuck here for a while is more than daunting, and another shiver runs through him as he repeats. “Sam, are you there?”

Nothing. Just the reflection of his own, very distraught looking face.

The urge to cry is nearly overwhelming-

“Barry?” Sam’s face appears on the faintly moving surface, rubbing his eyes sounding both grumpy and drowsy, but also concerned. “Everything alright?”

“I’m lost.” Barry sniffles again and pulls the boxes of pizza he is holding closer to himself. He feels vulnerable out here, not knowing where he is or whether Zoom was still around.

“Lost?” Sam actually takes a look at him and his surrounding, and his eyes grow wide. “Where the fuck are you?!”

“I don’t know,” Barry says truthfully and bites his lower lip. “Can you get me home?”

“Barry, this is not a stable surface like a mirror,” Sam points out as he keeps glancing around, his frown deepening. “Are you in the fucking woods?”

“Yeah…” Barry shivers again and whimpers. “I don’t know where, though, and I don’t wanna run because I’m afraid I will end up somewhere even farther away…”

“Your powers suck,” Sam remarks but gives him a sympathetic look.

“I want Len…”

“Yeah, I know.” Sam huffs and rubs his chin “But getting someone to pick you up will be difficult if we don’t know where you actually are.”

Barry knows that, and it makes the urge to cry even stronger. “I’m sorry…”

“Look, try to keep it together and I’ll try to find out where you are right now so that your lab-friends can send someone out there to get you, okay?” Sam suggests and looks about as uneasy about the prospect of Barry breaking down in his presence as he usual does. He vanishes after telling him to stay put once more.

Sniffling, Barry puts the pizzas aside and curls himself up in a ball after his friend left.

He shouldn’t have run after Zoom. These stupid pizzas are really not worth the hassle he is in now, and he should have realized it but his stupid brain didn’t kick in until it was too late again…

And that guy _kissed_ him…

Barry swallows and presses his lips against his knees, trying to forget the feeling of the light, soft touch.

He wants Len...

Time passes, probably no more than ten to fifteen minutes, but Barry can’t say for sure, and it feels like forever to him. He just listens to the sound of the small river and forest around him that slowly starts to wake up with the arrival of dawn.

“Barry?” Sam’s voice snaps him out of his light doze, and he looks to him in hope.

“You know where I am?”

“Yeah,” Sam agrees, grimacing. “Canada.”

Barry’s eyes widen. “ _Canada?!_ ”

“Yup.” Sam huffs and scratches his head. “Canada, and this evil speedster buddy of yours is already on his way to pick you up.”

It takes a moment for Barry to understand whom the other man actually is talking about, and for a brief, scary moment he thinks he means Zoom. He still asks, just to be sure. “Eobard?”

“Yeah.” The criminal narrows his eyes and studies him. “You don’t have another evil speedster you’re buddy with, do you?”

The question causes Barry to shiver, and he shakes his head. “No.”

“Good, because if all evil speedsters are like that yellow clad, arrogant _jackass_ , I don’t wanna meet them,” Sam grumbles as he rubs a hand over his face. “You call me if you’ve any trouble, I’m going back to bed.”

“Sure,” Barry agrees, even though he would have preferred for his friend to stay around. “Thanks again.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Sam waves him off and vanishes just a second later, leaving him alone in the wilderness once more.

 _Canada_ …

Barry curls up again and waits for Eobard to arrive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So, quite a lot happened in this chapter!
> 
> We got introduced to the idea that Darkseid could be a possible future danger for our friends, Ollie and Felicity passed by to bring good news (being sarcastic here ;), and Barry would have needed an adult because Zoom clearly doesn’t understand what personal space means.
> 
> You probably noticed that this update took longer than the ones before, and this probably will become a common occurrence from now on because, unfortunately, I don’t have the time to update on all my stories regularly anymore, due to work and with the new semester starting out soon. Irregular or longer breaks between updated doesn’t mean that this story will be abandoned, I will finish it, so no worries! :) I had to decide between irregularly getting a chapter up every once in a while, or putting this fic entirely on a hiatus, and I really don’t want to do the latter. I know myself and there will be new chapters, and I would rather not have to sit on them till I eventually have no longer to worry about the stuff that keeps me busy in my life. I hope you guys understand!
> 
> Anyway, we reached an interesting point, and I’m looking forward to where this story is going to progress in future. Introducing someone like Darkseid and the Old Gods is going to make things a lot more interesting. ;)
> 
> Thank you all for reading this story, and a special thanks to anybody who left me a kudos or comment! Your feedback is always greatly appreciated! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! :)


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